The Fear Trials by Lindsay Cummings Page B

to sea, she is sound asleep in my father’s lap.
    The moon shines on her. She could be an angel, were it not for the barcode on her forehead.
    My father breaks the silence. “You did it.”
    I run my hands through my hair. “Where were you? I needed your help, and you weren’t there.”
    â€œI had faith that you could handle it.”
    â€œAnd by handling it, you mean murdering Trace.”
    He sighs, focuses on paddling through the maze of boats. “You were born in this world, Meadow,” he says. “To survive in it, you must do things, sometimes, things you don’t like.”
    I wipe away a tear, disgusted. Tears make people weak. “That’s just it,” I say. “I did like it. She deserved to die.”
    He stops paddling. We drift for a while, rocked gently by the waves. In the distance, I hear a gunshot. Peri flinches in her sleep. I stroke her hair, and even though I just took a human life, everything feels . . . right.
    â€œThere are things in the Shallows that you will never understand,” my father says. I can see our houseboat on the horizon, a black shadow. “There are things you must do, people whose lives you must take, if you are to live to see another day.”
    He looks at Peri.
    â€œIf that’s what it takes . . . to keep her safe,” I say.
    â€œKill or be killed.” He hands me his dagger. He had removed it from Trace’s throat and cleaned the blade. In the moonlight, it sparkles. “Take it.”
    He holds it out to me, handle first.
    â€œBut . . . I failed the Fear Trials,” I say.
    â€œIt isn’t about the Fear Trials, Meadow,” he sighs. “It never has been. It’s about having the courage to do something, to take a risk, when it matters most. You saved your sister today, at great cost. You chose to save her life by taking another. You’re ready.”
    I reach out, slowly, and take the dagger.
    For the first time in my life, I feel strong.

Chapter 22
    W e celebrate all night.
    Peri’s return, my passing the Fear Trials. They are reasons to be happy, to smile and dance and sing. Even for Koi.
    My mother does not join in. She sits at the table, watching all of us, a smile on her face. It never reaches her eyes.
    In the early morning hours, my father leaves for work. Koi and Peri curl up on the mattress and fall asleep. But I lie awake for hours, feeling different, like I am not myself.
    Finally, my eyes grow heavy, and I fall in and out of sleep. At some point, my mother lies down beside me. She strokes my hair, and wipes tears from her eyes. I think they are happy tears. Tears of pride.
    In those strange half-moments of sleep, I feel my mother’s hand on my wrist. She presses her lips to my forehead, the way she has always done. “You can’t escape destiny, Meadow,” she whispers. I lift my wrist, see the glint of silver. Her seashell charm.
    I smile, and sleep finally pulls me away.
    Â 
    In the morning, my mother and father are gone. Koi and I sit on the deck, watching Peri play with one of my father’s fishing poles.
    â€œYou know what? It’s a good day,” Koi says. He looks up at the sun and smiles.
    â€œKoi, you’re crazy.”
    He shrugs. “It doesn’t matter. What matters now is that we’re together. All of us, and we won’t let anything like that happen again.”
    He’s carving a seagull into the side of the cabin. It almost looks real, the way its wings are spread in flight, the way its head is cocked to the side.
    â€œThis world doesn’t offer us happiness,” Koi says as he works. “We have to create our own.”
    I look at Peri, listen to her laugh. I look at my mother’s seashell bracelet, the way it glints under the sun. I think of my father. How he’s taught me to be strong, even if it means he doesn’t show love. And then there is Koi.
    â€œI have all I need to be happy,” I say. And