“all right.” He hadn’t seen her in the past few hours. She looked like she’d been through a war in that time. “Did something happen?”
She glanced upward, pulling in a breath to right another wave of tears. “I just told him.”
“Told him?”
A tear made its way down her cheek. She had these kid-like freckles that didn’t seem to belong on such strong features. “I just told Max his legs no longer work. Dr. Ryland and I told him together. For the first time. It was awful. He cried. I mean, not out loud—he can’t with the breathing tube and all—but I could still see it. It was all over his face, the pain in his eyes and the tears on his cheeks.”
“That must have been terrible.” It seemed so inadequate a thing to say, but every other phrase that came to mind felt just as useless. “I’m sure he was glad to have you beside him, to be the one to give him the news. That’s unbelievably brave, JJ. Really.”
“Dr. Ryland thought I’d be the best one to be there. He picked right up on Mom’s panic and knew Max needed calm. Seems like a smart guy.”
“He’s the best. Top five in the country, they tell me.”
That sent more tears down JJ’s face. “He doesn’t even look like Max right now, with his face all swollen and those bruises. I can’t even say for sure he understood what I told him. The doctor says his memory is a bit sketchy right now so he won’t really remember.” She balled a tissue up in her fist. “I’ll have to tell him over again. Maybe even a couple of times. I hate this. All this mindless coping, this sitting around waiting for tests or medicines or symptoms or whatever... It feels rotten. I need to do something.”
Alex sat down on the pew next to her. “I think you just did something. Something huge.”
JJ pulled the elastic out of her braid and began unraveling it with her fingers. “You know, I probably should have yelled at him. Dressed him down for the stupid risks he’s always taking. You can never get a word in when you argue with Max, and this was my one chance where he couldn’t yell back. Only...only...” Her voice fell off and she reached for another tissue.
Only. If only. The words were pounding in his own head like a migraine.
“Why aren’t you gone?” The words held none of her earlier anger, but more of a weary befuddlement.
“I’ll go when you tell me I should.”
She rolled her eyes. “I already told you to leave.”
“Yeah, that one didn’t really count.”
She blinked at him, both eyebrows arched. “Because...”
“You know, I don’t really know. Something just told me you shouldn’t be alone yet.”
“My mom is here.”
“Oh, I know.” Alex pinched the bridge of his nose. “Your mother just laid into me in the hallway. She actually told me your father would have run me over with a tank. You didn’t tell me you came from a military family.”
She gave a small laugh, tiny and thin but there nonetheless. “Went all ‘if General Jones were here’ on you, did she? It’s a favorite tactic of hers, telling us what Dad would have done. Dad could be quite the dictator when he got mad. It’s how she kept us in line as kids, telling us what kind of lecture we had to look forward to when he got back from his latest deployment and learned what we’d done.” She sighed. “Still, I thought she saved that for offspring.”
“She’s worried and angry. I’m as good a target as any, I suppose.”
The look on her face told him JJ had endured her share of dressing-downs at her father’s hands. The exact opposite of his and Sam’s dad, who could never scrounge up enough attention for his sons to get angry. Some shrink somewhere would surely draw a straight line from Sam’s high-maintenance personality to their father’s lack of family focus.
As for Alex, was it any surprise that he coped by putting distance between himself and his problems? He’d never been able to fix his family, and the harder he’d tried to hold
She glanced upward, pulling in a breath to right another wave of tears. “I just told him.”
“Told him?”
A tear made its way down her cheek. She had these kid-like freckles that didn’t seem to belong on such strong features. “I just told Max his legs no longer work. Dr. Ryland and I told him together. For the first time. It was awful. He cried. I mean, not out loud—he can’t with the breathing tube and all—but I could still see it. It was all over his face, the pain in his eyes and the tears on his cheeks.”
“That must have been terrible.” It seemed so inadequate a thing to say, but every other phrase that came to mind felt just as useless. “I’m sure he was glad to have you beside him, to be the one to give him the news. That’s unbelievably brave, JJ. Really.”
“Dr. Ryland thought I’d be the best one to be there. He picked right up on Mom’s panic and knew Max needed calm. Seems like a smart guy.”
“He’s the best. Top five in the country, they tell me.”
That sent more tears down JJ’s face. “He doesn’t even look like Max right now, with his face all swollen and those bruises. I can’t even say for sure he understood what I told him. The doctor says his memory is a bit sketchy right now so he won’t really remember.” She balled a tissue up in her fist. “I’ll have to tell him over again. Maybe even a couple of times. I hate this. All this mindless coping, this sitting around waiting for tests or medicines or symptoms or whatever... It feels rotten. I need to do something.”
Alex sat down on the pew next to her. “I think you just did something. Something huge.”
JJ pulled the elastic out of her braid and began unraveling it with her fingers. “You know, I probably should have yelled at him. Dressed him down for the stupid risks he’s always taking. You can never get a word in when you argue with Max, and this was my one chance where he couldn’t yell back. Only...only...” Her voice fell off and she reached for another tissue.
Only. If only. The words were pounding in his own head like a migraine.
“Why aren’t you gone?” The words held none of her earlier anger, but more of a weary befuddlement.
“I’ll go when you tell me I should.”
She rolled her eyes. “I already told you to leave.”
“Yeah, that one didn’t really count.”
She blinked at him, both eyebrows arched. “Because...”
“You know, I don’t really know. Something just told me you shouldn’t be alone yet.”
“My mom is here.”
“Oh, I know.” Alex pinched the bridge of his nose. “Your mother just laid into me in the hallway. She actually told me your father would have run me over with a tank. You didn’t tell me you came from a military family.”
She gave a small laugh, tiny and thin but there nonetheless. “Went all ‘if General Jones were here’ on you, did she? It’s a favorite tactic of hers, telling us what Dad would have done. Dad could be quite the dictator when he got mad. It’s how she kept us in line as kids, telling us what kind of lecture we had to look forward to when he got back from his latest deployment and learned what we’d done.” She sighed. “Still, I thought she saved that for offspring.”
“She’s worried and angry. I’m as good a target as any, I suppose.”
The look on her face told him JJ had endured her share of dressing-downs at her father’s hands. The exact opposite of his and Sam’s dad, who could never scrounge up enough attention for his sons to get angry. Some shrink somewhere would surely draw a straight line from Sam’s high-maintenance personality to their father’s lack of family focus.
As for Alex, was it any surprise that he coped by putting distance between himself and his problems? He’d never been able to fix his family, and the harder he’d tried to hold
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