The Fires by Alan Cheuse Page B

don’t know where to scatter them. Or should I keep them? I just don’t know. I don’t know.” She took a deep breath, inhaling the odor of smoke,
and listening, over the sound of renewed chanting, to the crack and snap and bark of the lively flames.

4.
    â€œHello?”
    â€œHello.”
    â€œOh, I am so glad that I caught you. All these time zones…”
    â€œGina?”
    â€œYes, it’s me.”
    â€œWhere are you? I had those messages…My God, I’m so sorry…”
    â€œThank you, thank you. I know. It’s…beyond terrible. I’m…I don’t know. I can hardly talk. But I need to talk. Do you have time?”
    â€œI have time. Are you still there in…?”
    â€œI’m in Rome,” Gina said. “Don’t ask me why. I don’t know. I was coming back from Uzbekistan…”
    â€œAre you sure you’re all right?”
    â€œDo I sound strange? I’m not surprised. I’ve seen some very strange things these past two days. Paul…his body…the flames…”
    â€œYou had him cremated?”
    â€œThat’s what he wanted. And In Tashkent, it’s mostly Muslim. They don’t cremate. We had to find Hindus.”

    â€œWas that difficult?”
    â€œI had help from the embassy. A man named Goldstein. The swami was very funny. He called him Stingold.”
    â€œThe swami?”
    â€œOne of the Hindus. He led us in the ceremony. Three times around the pyre…I should have jumped on it myself. As it was, I caught my dress on fire.”
    â€œBad?”
    â€œNot bad enough.”
    â€œNo, no, no, Gina…”
    â€œOh, don’t worry. I’m alive, but only barely,” Gina said. “Oh, God, Betsy, it’s so comical, it’s grotesque. I was taking a urine sample for those tests when I got the telephone call. But I don’t need to take any tests anymore. I don’t need to think about taking hormones, do I? And on top of it all, I had a period. What is the point of it? Can you tell me?”
    â€œOh, my God. Gina, oh, it’s all so…”
    â€œAbsurd? I’ve thought of that. But what do I do now? I don’t know what to do now.” A pause at the other end of the line. Here she was, on long, long distance, staring at her suitcase on the floor in the far corner of the room. A small package, containing the sealed jar, lay within, under her underwear. Gina began to count. One, one thousand. Two, one thousand. Three, one thousand. Betsy Cohen spoke again.
    â€œHow long will you stay in Rome?”
    â€œI wish I knew. I told you, I don’t know why I came here. I just saw the flight posted at the Frankfurt airport while I was waiting for my plane home. I remember saying to myself, you can go anywhere now. Without Paul you can go anywhere, you can do anything. It’s a bizarre feeling. I hope you never feel it. It’s not that I was a prisoner of our life
together or anything like that. You know that. You know I was happy with him.”
    â€œUh-huh…”
    â€œBut now that’s over. And I’m free. Almost like I’m the one who’s ridden the cow into the next realm, not Paul.”
    â€œThe cow? You’d better explain that to me. I’m not sure I understand.”
    â€œOh, I’ll talk to you about it when I get back, so much you’ll want to throw up.”
    â€œNo, I’ll listen. I want to hear.”
    â€œThat’s part of your job, isn’t it? Meanwhile, what do I do?”
    â€œWhat do you do? In Rome?”
    â€œIn my life.”
    â€œGina, come home and we’ll talk. It’s much too early in this for you to have any answers. It’s all still too fresh.”
    â€œI’ll try to get a flight back tomorrow,” Gina said. “I really don’t know why I’m here, anyway.”
    â€œLet me know what you decide.”
    â€œI will.”
    â€œAnd