have seen me then. Would he have seen the changes already occurring within me?
"So, you like it?" Saidan stood, his hands on his hips, anticipating my response.
"It's amazing. Why is the water hot?"
"Geysers underneath the water keep it warm. Valeria is a very volcanic planet. Which just makes the death of its natural life an even greater mystery." Saidan sat down on the sand next to where I was standing. I sat down next to him.
"I earned myself a point last night." I'd wanted to confess it on the bus trip, but I didn't know if speaking of our points was appropriate. It just seemed to slip out in that perfect moment, and was amplified by the crashing of the waves.
Saidan said nothing for a long moment. I realized that the crashing of the waves sounded wrong without seagull cries to complement it. There was an eerie silence between waves that nothing could fill. It was a reminder that no matter how much I felt at ease at that moment, I was still a long way from home. I turned and looked at Saidan, trying to read his expression.
"I have six," he said. A huge wave boomed as it hit the shore, echoing my shock at Saidan's words. I'd expected him to be disappointed, perhaps, or to give me a stern warning, but I'd not expected to find out that he had six points.
"I was the first Valerian in a long time to need the use of the Re-Education Building," Saidan explained. "Thirty days in the worst place imaginable." He pulled his knees up to his face, trying to hide from an experience he obviously didn't want to revisit.
"What did you do?" I asked. I had to ask, and he must have known I would, because he didn't pause to ponder it, but simply continued on.
"I was curious. About mating. One of the more intelligent drones... he was willing to satisfy my curiosity." He lowered his head, as if to cover a great shame. I reached across with my hand, and with one tender finger lifted his chin to look at me.
"You were caught?"
"No. We never got that far. I thought about what I wanted to do with him, and the Sisters saw me pleasuring myself. Six immediate points were placed on me right then. If we had gone through with it—"
"You've got to be kidding me." I was both shocked and frightened. I hadn't tried to assuage my sexual feelings since I'd arrived on Valeria due to the lack of privacy, but I knew five years without even the touch of my own hand were going to leave me with some seriously blue balls. How Saidan had held back for so long I didn't know. I had no idea how any of them managed to survive in their society. I was starting to think that I didn't stand a chance.
"Kidding... you?" Saidan looked at me with a quizzical expression.
"You know, like when you tell someone something that's not true... because it's funny."
"I can't say I've ever done that. Do you think this is a joking matter?" Saidan looked hurt and pulled away from me.
I put my hands on his shoulders and turned him to face me. "Of course I don't think it's funny. Saidan, on Earth, that kind of behavior —pleasuring oneself—is considered absolutely normal. I had no idea it was prohibited. I could have earned myself a quick six points, apparently."
"Really?" He looked at me with wide eyes, as if I could erase his shame, and I wanted to. I wanted to show him every damn forbidden pleasure in the universe just so he would know that there was nothing wrong with him. Alarm bells should have been ringing in my head, but I wasn't acclimated to Valerian society. I wasn't raised to be afraid or ashamed of my body, even if I had never had sexual congress. That had been my choice, not anybody else's. I'd never felt or been forced into repression.
That was the first time that I really saw him, the first time that I understood that he was a sexual being just like myself. The first time that I laid hands on him and let myself realize that he was beautiful and desirable. That I wanted him—not just his body, but his mind and soul as well. The feelings frightened me, and I
"So, you like it?" Saidan stood, his hands on his hips, anticipating my response.
"It's amazing. Why is the water hot?"
"Geysers underneath the water keep it warm. Valeria is a very volcanic planet. Which just makes the death of its natural life an even greater mystery." Saidan sat down on the sand next to where I was standing. I sat down next to him.
"I earned myself a point last night." I'd wanted to confess it on the bus trip, but I didn't know if speaking of our points was appropriate. It just seemed to slip out in that perfect moment, and was amplified by the crashing of the waves.
Saidan said nothing for a long moment. I realized that the crashing of the waves sounded wrong without seagull cries to complement it. There was an eerie silence between waves that nothing could fill. It was a reminder that no matter how much I felt at ease at that moment, I was still a long way from home. I turned and looked at Saidan, trying to read his expression.
"I have six," he said. A huge wave boomed as it hit the shore, echoing my shock at Saidan's words. I'd expected him to be disappointed, perhaps, or to give me a stern warning, but I'd not expected to find out that he had six points.
"I was the first Valerian in a long time to need the use of the Re-Education Building," Saidan explained. "Thirty days in the worst place imaginable." He pulled his knees up to his face, trying to hide from an experience he obviously didn't want to revisit.
"What did you do?" I asked. I had to ask, and he must have known I would, because he didn't pause to ponder it, but simply continued on.
"I was curious. About mating. One of the more intelligent drones... he was willing to satisfy my curiosity." He lowered his head, as if to cover a great shame. I reached across with my hand, and with one tender finger lifted his chin to look at me.
"You were caught?"
"No. We never got that far. I thought about what I wanted to do with him, and the Sisters saw me pleasuring myself. Six immediate points were placed on me right then. If we had gone through with it—"
"You've got to be kidding me." I was both shocked and frightened. I hadn't tried to assuage my sexual feelings since I'd arrived on Valeria due to the lack of privacy, but I knew five years without even the touch of my own hand were going to leave me with some seriously blue balls. How Saidan had held back for so long I didn't know. I had no idea how any of them managed to survive in their society. I was starting to think that I didn't stand a chance.
"Kidding... you?" Saidan looked at me with a quizzical expression.
"You know, like when you tell someone something that's not true... because it's funny."
"I can't say I've ever done that. Do you think this is a joking matter?" Saidan looked hurt and pulled away from me.
I put my hands on his shoulders and turned him to face me. "Of course I don't think it's funny. Saidan, on Earth, that kind of behavior —pleasuring oneself—is considered absolutely normal. I had no idea it was prohibited. I could have earned myself a quick six points, apparently."
"Really?" He looked at me with wide eyes, as if I could erase his shame, and I wanted to. I wanted to show him every damn forbidden pleasure in the universe just so he would know that there was nothing wrong with him. Alarm bells should have been ringing in my head, but I wasn't acclimated to Valerian society. I wasn't raised to be afraid or ashamed of my body, even if I had never had sexual congress. That had been my choice, not anybody else's. I'd never felt or been forced into repression.
That was the first time that I really saw him, the first time that I understood that he was a sexual being just like myself. The first time that I laid hands on him and let myself realize that he was beautiful and desirable. That I wanted him—not just his body, but his mind and soul as well. The feelings frightened me, and I
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