Even, Kerry felt this flash through him, kissing another boy, loving another boy, instead of a girl ⦠if you were Catholic â¦
âAre you having a good look?â It was the first time Xavier Boland had spoken to Kerry. His tone was not unkind.
âI was just â¦â
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*
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Xavier Boland lived with his grandmother. She had stucco ceilings with sparkles in them, and her bathroom had a matching pink shag rug and toilet cover and she kept the toilet paper inside a doll with a crocheted skirt. She had a cat and a miniature Hammond organ and over the organ hung her own picture of Jesus holding in his hand his own heart which looked something like a cupcake with wings or flames and a cross sticking out of it. But instead of terror or any other bad feeling connected with priests or churches of any kind including his own, Kerry felt in Xavierâs grandmotherâs house a feeling of the greatest comfort he had ever known. He supposed it was a feeling he had heard and read about but not feltâa feeling of unconditional love. This became more apparent as Kerry observed more and more of Xavierâs and his grandmotherâs life together. Had Kerryâs parents caught Kerry with some of the clothes Xavier stored openly in his bedroom, for instance, they would have ⦠what would they have done? Would his father have taken him down to the basement and given him the belt as he had done when Kerry had stolen a Bounty bar from Tammyâs Convenience when he was eight? Or would they have telephoned Pastor Best and had him come over or sent one of his Youth Leaders over to lay hands on Kerry and cast out demons like they had done to Mildred Stevenson the time Mrs. Tilford and her Ladiesâ Spirit Association decided that Mildred had the spirit of witchcraft in her? Or would his mother have hidden the clothes from his fatherâmight she have destroyed them and made Kerry promise never to bring home anything like that again or his father would ⦠what would his father do? Perhaps living with your grandmother made new things possible. Kerry surveyed the white bell-bottoms and the other clothes and even purses that Xavier displayed openly in his room, slung over the chair-back and hanging out of the drawers. Laid out on the bed was a makeup case with mascara and eye pencils in it.
âCall me Kay,â Mrs. Boland said, but Kerry couldnât even though she did look like a Kay and she said, âI canât stand being called Mrs. this and Madam that.â His own mother made home-cooked meals but they were dry pieces separate from each other on the plate, whereas everything Mrs. Boland cooked was smothered in gravy, or if it was dessert, in warm custard or cream or chocolate sauce. Sometimes she made fried chicken and she didnât put gravy on that but the batter was twice as thick as the batter on any fried chicken Kerry had ever tasted, and Mrs. Boland did not formally invite him to supper, she just put an extra plate out as if Kerry belonged to the family. There was no accusation of any kind in the air, unlike the atmosphere at his own house, and he kept fearing that his mother would put a stop to his visits to the Bolands, but she never did. It almost made him wonder if his mother was glad to have him out of the house. The only person at home who said anything about his new friendship was Steve, who warned if Kerry brought that fag home here even for five minutes, Steve would personally rip both their fucken balls offââand donât think Iâm not watching you and that little fuckerâs whereabouts.â
âIâm not gay,â Xavier volunteered to Kerry, who had not asked. âI just like girlsâ clothes. My grandmother knows. She even buys them for me. And I know better than to wear any of this outside.â What seemed outrageous in schoolâthe pink locker, the way Xavier walked, the length of his bangsâseemed normal here in his
âAre you having a good look?â It was the first time Xavier Boland had spoken to Kerry. His tone was not unkind.
âI was just â¦â
Â
*
Â
Xavier Boland lived with his grandmother. She had stucco ceilings with sparkles in them, and her bathroom had a matching pink shag rug and toilet cover and she kept the toilet paper inside a doll with a crocheted skirt. She had a cat and a miniature Hammond organ and over the organ hung her own picture of Jesus holding in his hand his own heart which looked something like a cupcake with wings or flames and a cross sticking out of it. But instead of terror or any other bad feeling connected with priests or churches of any kind including his own, Kerry felt in Xavierâs grandmotherâs house a feeling of the greatest comfort he had ever known. He supposed it was a feeling he had heard and read about but not feltâa feeling of unconditional love. This became more apparent as Kerry observed more and more of Xavierâs and his grandmotherâs life together. Had Kerryâs parents caught Kerry with some of the clothes Xavier stored openly in his bedroom, for instance, they would have ⦠what would they have done? Would his father have taken him down to the basement and given him the belt as he had done when Kerry had stolen a Bounty bar from Tammyâs Convenience when he was eight? Or would they have telephoned Pastor Best and had him come over or sent one of his Youth Leaders over to lay hands on Kerry and cast out demons like they had done to Mildred Stevenson the time Mrs. Tilford and her Ladiesâ Spirit Association decided that Mildred had the spirit of witchcraft in her? Or would his mother have hidden the clothes from his fatherâmight she have destroyed them and made Kerry promise never to bring home anything like that again or his father would ⦠what would his father do? Perhaps living with your grandmother made new things possible. Kerry surveyed the white bell-bottoms and the other clothes and even purses that Xavier displayed openly in his room, slung over the chair-back and hanging out of the drawers. Laid out on the bed was a makeup case with mascara and eye pencils in it.
âCall me Kay,â Mrs. Boland said, but Kerry couldnât even though she did look like a Kay and she said, âI canât stand being called Mrs. this and Madam that.â His own mother made home-cooked meals but they were dry pieces separate from each other on the plate, whereas everything Mrs. Boland cooked was smothered in gravy, or if it was dessert, in warm custard or cream or chocolate sauce. Sometimes she made fried chicken and she didnât put gravy on that but the batter was twice as thick as the batter on any fried chicken Kerry had ever tasted, and Mrs. Boland did not formally invite him to supper, she just put an extra plate out as if Kerry belonged to the family. There was no accusation of any kind in the air, unlike the atmosphere at his own house, and he kept fearing that his mother would put a stop to his visits to the Bolands, but she never did. It almost made him wonder if his mother was glad to have him out of the house. The only person at home who said anything about his new friendship was Steve, who warned if Kerry brought that fag home here even for five minutes, Steve would personally rip both their fucken balls offââand donât think Iâm not watching you and that little fuckerâs whereabouts.â
âIâm not gay,â Xavier volunteered to Kerry, who had not asked. âI just like girlsâ clothes. My grandmother knows. She even buys them for me. And I know better than to wear any of this outside.â What seemed outrageous in schoolâthe pink locker, the way Xavier walked, the length of his bangsâseemed normal here in his
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