have a fine old spree here."
"Don't you think we'll win?" he added, turning to Schweik.
"What's the good of chewing the rag about that the whole time?" said Schweik. "The war's got to be won and there you are. But now I must be off home."
Schweik paid his reckoning and returned to Mrs. Muller, his old charwoman, who was extremely scared when she saw that the man who had let himself in with a key was Schweik.
"I didn't think you'd be back for years and years," she said with her usual frankness. "And so, till further notice, as you might say, I took a new lodger—a porter from a night club, and him not having anywhere to go, I felt sorry for him, like, and then the police came and searched the place three times, but they couldn't find anything, so they said you was done for, through being so artful and all."
Schweik immediately discovered that the unknown lodger had made himself extremely comfortable. He was sleeping in Schweik's bed and he had been magnanimous enough to be satisfied with only half the bed, granting the use of the other half to some member of the opposite sex who was asleep with an arm gratefully encircling his neck, while articles of male and female clothing were scattered in a medley around the bed. From this chaos it was evident that the porter from the night club had been in a merry mood when he had returned with his lady.
"Look here, boss," said Schweik, shaking the intruder, "don't you be late for lunch. I should be very upset if people said I'd chucked you out before you'd had a chance of getting any lunch."
The porter from the night club was very sleepy, and it took a long time before he understood that the owner of the bed had returned home and was laying claim to his property.
In the manner of all porters from night clubs, this gentleman announced his intention of bashing anyone who woke him up, and he endeavoured to continue his slumbers.
Schweik meanwhile collected portions of the man's wardrobe, brought them to his bedside and shaking him vigorously, said :
"If you don't get dressed, I'll chuck you out into the street just
----
as you are. It'd be much better to get away from here with your clothes on."
"I wanted to sleep till eight in the evening," announced the porter, somewhat taken aback and putting on his trousers. "I'm paying the landlady two crowns a day for the bed and she lets me bring girls from the club here. Marena, get up."
By the time he had discovered his collar and was arranging his tie, he had sufficiently pulled himself together to assure Schweik that the Mimosa Club was one of the most respectable of its kind, for the only ladies allowed there were those who were properly registered with the police, and he cordially invited Schweik to pay a visit to the establishment.
On the other hand, his female companion was not at all pleased with Schweik and in reference to him made use of some highly select expressions, the most select of which was :
"You measly, low-down skunk, you !"
After the departure of the intruders, Schweik went to have it out with Mrs. Muller, but he could discover no sign of her, except a piece of paper, upon which in her scrawly handwriting she had, with unusual ease, recorded her thoughts regarding the unfortunate episode of the loan of Schweik's bed to the porter from the night club.
Pleese sir forgive me for not seeing you agane, becos I shall jump out of the winder.
"Liar," said Schweik, and waited.
Half an hour later the unhappy Mrs. Muller crept into the kitchen, and from her downcast expression it was evident that she expected Schweik to provide her with words of comfort.
"If you want to jump out of the window," said Schweik, "go into the bedroom. I've opened the window for you. I wouldn't advise you to jump out of the kitchen window, because if you did, you'd fall into the roses in the garden and squash them and then you'd have to pay for them. If you jump out of the bedroom window, you'll land nicely on the pavement, and if you're
"Don't you think we'll win?" he added, turning to Schweik.
"What's the good of chewing the rag about that the whole time?" said Schweik. "The war's got to be won and there you are. But now I must be off home."
Schweik paid his reckoning and returned to Mrs. Muller, his old charwoman, who was extremely scared when she saw that the man who had let himself in with a key was Schweik.
"I didn't think you'd be back for years and years," she said with her usual frankness. "And so, till further notice, as you might say, I took a new lodger—a porter from a night club, and him not having anywhere to go, I felt sorry for him, like, and then the police came and searched the place three times, but they couldn't find anything, so they said you was done for, through being so artful and all."
Schweik immediately discovered that the unknown lodger had made himself extremely comfortable. He was sleeping in Schweik's bed and he had been magnanimous enough to be satisfied with only half the bed, granting the use of the other half to some member of the opposite sex who was asleep with an arm gratefully encircling his neck, while articles of male and female clothing were scattered in a medley around the bed. From this chaos it was evident that the porter from the night club had been in a merry mood when he had returned with his lady.
"Look here, boss," said Schweik, shaking the intruder, "don't you be late for lunch. I should be very upset if people said I'd chucked you out before you'd had a chance of getting any lunch."
The porter from the night club was very sleepy, and it took a long time before he understood that the owner of the bed had returned home and was laying claim to his property.
In the manner of all porters from night clubs, this gentleman announced his intention of bashing anyone who woke him up, and he endeavoured to continue his slumbers.
Schweik meanwhile collected portions of the man's wardrobe, brought them to his bedside and shaking him vigorously, said :
"If you don't get dressed, I'll chuck you out into the street just
----
as you are. It'd be much better to get away from here with your clothes on."
"I wanted to sleep till eight in the evening," announced the porter, somewhat taken aback and putting on his trousers. "I'm paying the landlady two crowns a day for the bed and she lets me bring girls from the club here. Marena, get up."
By the time he had discovered his collar and was arranging his tie, he had sufficiently pulled himself together to assure Schweik that the Mimosa Club was one of the most respectable of its kind, for the only ladies allowed there were those who were properly registered with the police, and he cordially invited Schweik to pay a visit to the establishment.
On the other hand, his female companion was not at all pleased with Schweik and in reference to him made use of some highly select expressions, the most select of which was :
"You measly, low-down skunk, you !"
After the departure of the intruders, Schweik went to have it out with Mrs. Muller, but he could discover no sign of her, except a piece of paper, upon which in her scrawly handwriting she had, with unusual ease, recorded her thoughts regarding the unfortunate episode of the loan of Schweik's bed to the porter from the night club.
Pleese sir forgive me for not seeing you agane, becos I shall jump out of the winder.
"Liar," said Schweik, and waited.
Half an hour later the unhappy Mrs. Muller crept into the kitchen, and from her downcast expression it was evident that she expected Schweik to provide her with words of comfort.
"If you want to jump out of the window," said Schweik, "go into the bedroom. I've opened the window for you. I wouldn't advise you to jump out of the kitchen window, because if you did, you'd fall into the roses in the garden and squash them and then you'd have to pay for them. If you jump out of the bedroom window, you'll land nicely on the pavement, and if you're
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