The Gospel According to Larry by Janet Tashjian Page A

completely uncalledfor.”
    My face darkened with the memory of prying into his briefcase. “No, it’s okay.”
    â€œThese ads … they’re everywhere. We have to develop all new campaigns. We’re under a lot of pressure—the printers, the execs, the salespeople. No one knows where this guy’s getting his data.”
    I hadn’t planned on screwing Peter in this scheme; I was just trying to get the information out. 40 I looked at him blankly, wishing for something appropriate to say. He left in silence, the door reverberating behind him.
    The inevitable schism between us became achingly obvious. In a few months I would be at Princeton, eventually seeing him just a few times a year.
    He was probably as happy about that prospect as I was.

    LARRY ITEM #41

“This is a great way to spend a birthday.” Beth pedaled no-hands through the back parking lot of the mall.
    â€œUnless we end up in jail,” I said.
    â€œCome on, Henry David. Where’s your sense of civil disobedience?”
    I had one, but it was just a bit worried about getting tossed in the can on some kind of nuisance violation. It wasn’t the jail part that concerned me; I didn’t want any undue attention focused my way, considering the secret life I was harboring. To say nothing of Peter’s wrath.
    â€œSo, it looks like Larry lives somewhere cold. New Hampshire, Wisconsin, and Montana have the most votes in the bulletin boards.”
    â€œHe could live in Florida and still have those boots.”
    â€œNot with a total of seventy-five possessions.”

    I told her in that case I voted Wisconsin. Thankfully, it was almost summer, and I didn’t have to wear them now.
    We locked our bikes, and I couldn’t wait any longer. I handed Beth a box. “Happy Birthday.”
    â€œYou didn’t have to,” she said.
    â€œOnly homemade things, usual rules.”
    She opened the box carefully and smiled when she saw the necklace.
    â€œI found this old Chinese abacus,” I said. “Took it apart and strung the beads on a silk cord. I placed the beads in order so they actually made sense—2,368,586 divided by 682 equals 3,473. That crystal in the middle is the equal sign …” I hoped a car would plow into me so I would stop babbling.
    â€œThis is amazing. Makes last year’s bouillabaisse mobile seem like no work at all.” 41 She slipped on the necklace and fingered the blue stones. “I gave myself a birthday present this year. I’ve been wanting to show you for days.”
    To my amazement, she rolled up her pants leg. Above her right ankle was a fresh tattoo
of a dollar sign in a circle with a slash through it.
    â€œAre you kidding? Do your parents know?”
    She shook her head. “I had Marie’s ID with me, but the guy didn’t even ask for it.”
    I ran my hand across Beth’s skin. 42 “He did a good job.”
    â€œI was going to get ‘Larry,’ but I didn’t want to look like a groupie. This kind of said it all.”
    The thought of Beth sporting a tattoo of my alter ego almost sent me into hyperventilation. I followed her inside the mall like a puppy.
    We plastered the halls and rest rooms of the entire mall, easily avoiding the few security guards. Judging by the people who gathered around to read the posters, we even sparked some conversations.
    Next we hit Pottery Barn, Virgin Records, the Gap, Nike Town, and Restoration Hardware. 43 We were taking a short break when we saw Mr. Lynch, our biology teacher, approach us. Beth shoved the rest of the posters into her bag.
    â€œWe’re screwed,” I said.

    He sat down at the table. “You’re doing a good job,” he said. “We Americans are using way more than our share of resources.”
    Beth and I returned his smile and handed him some of our posters.
    â€œYou know what drives me insane?” he continued. “The tiny stickers