The Grail Tree by Jonathan Gash Page A

then. We only yelled abuse back. Eventually we ran out of rum.
    ‘The swine have sold us an empty bottle,’ the Reverend Henry accused. ‘Let’s report them.’
    We fell about at his witticism and reeled back up the lawn to the house. Everything seemed hilarious. Martha had tea ready on the terrace. Such elegance. Two new visitors were there.
    ‘Have you been hiding that foul concoction down in that dreadful boat?’ she blazed. This made us laugh so much I had to pick Henry up.
    ‘Shhh,’ we both told her simultaneously.
    ‘This is Lovejoy,’ Martha was saying, which was odd because I already knew I was Lovejoy. I roared with laughter.
    ‘I already know I’m Lovejoy,’ I said. Henry fell about at this, because he knew it too.
    ‘How do you do?’ this woman said. ‘I’m Sarah Devonish.’ I noticed the specs, amber beads and aggressive handshake full of rings. ‘Hello, Henry.’
    ‘Ah, Sarah, my dear.’ Henry gave an elegant bow and tumbled over.
    ‘Have you been tippling again, Henry?’ It sounded a threat the way she said it.
    ‘Certainly not,’ Henry said with dignity from the paving.
    ‘That will do.’ Sarah yanked him to his feet, full of anger and hating me, why I don’t know. ‘Thomas, give me a hand.’
    Thomas turned out to be a pleasant embarrassed bloke about Henry’s age, a bumbler. He made a mess of trying to introduce himself while struggling to prop old Henry into a chair. Somebody – Martha probably – called him Dr Haverro, but he’s the sort who stumbles over your feet every second breath and never gets to his verbs.
    ‘Wait!’ our sloshed hero cried. ‘I want to tell Lovejoy –’
    ‘You’ve probably said far too much,’ Sarah said severely. ‘Martha. Try to sober him up somehow. Thomas and I don’t want a totally wasted journey.’
    It was interesting to see Martha subdued in the presence of this formidable younger woman. I tried to tell her that her amber beads, all opaque and neffie, badly needed cleaning. It’s a fearsome risk to dip them in solvents or cleaning agents.
    ‘Most people use rectified turps and alcohol,’ I explained cheerfully, ‘but for heaven’s sake, see that you
feed
amber afterwards. The beads will come lovely and deep, transparent as ever like a beautiful deep gold sea. Use dammar. Be careful to see that your beeswax –’
    ‘
Please!
’ Sarah snapped, so I shut up while they tried to bring Henry down through the superstrata. He crooned a light air from
The Mikado.
I could see she was a tough nut. Her amber beads deserved better.
    ‘So sorry about this,’ Thomas said to me apologetically in an undertone. ‘First acquaintance and all that.’
    ‘Not at all,’ I said, thinking how reasonable he seemed compared to the bossy Sarah. She was an attractive middle age, but if you’re savage and utterly merciless about amber, you can be as bad about people can’t you?’
    ‘Don’t mind Thomas,’ Henry said. ‘We three are guardians of the most precious –’
    ‘Do shut up, you old fool,’ Sarah said furiously. Henry chuckled.
    ‘Come, come, people,’ Martha admonished. ‘Let’s all keep calm. It’s just as well Dolly’s companions came for her,’ she went on reprovingly, ‘or she would havedisapproved even more than I about this, Henry.’
    Henry and I sang a song about Dolly while they helped me into the Ruby. The gardener swung the starting handle, still grinning and shaking his head.
    ‘I did my courting in one of these,’ he told me. ‘Before you were born.’
    ‘Will you be all right, Lovejoy?’ Martha asked anxiously. ‘Perhaps it isn’t really very wise for you to –’
    ‘It knows the way,’ I answered. Henry and I rolled in the aisles at that. His laugh sounded like a scratchy pen nib. ‘Chocks away, mate.’
    They stood aside as I rolled down the road. I thought I drove quite well. In fact I was still thinking that when I reached the outskirts of our village. Then George, our ever vigilant bobby, caught