RELAXATION. I HAVEN’T STOPPED FOR THE PAST EIGHTEEN MONTHS. FILMING BEHIND CLOSED DOORS HAS BEEN SO MUCH FUN BUT EXHAUSTING.
Just be thankful Olly wasn’t directing or producing his own book, it would have taken five years for him to be happy with the final result.
HE IS A PERFECTIONIST.
And he’s going out with you?
HAHA! YOU DO MAKE ME LAUGH ANNIE. IT’S GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
How are things between you two anyway?
IN FRONT OF THE CAMERA OR BEHIND? AWAY FROM THE PRESS WE’RE GETTING ON FINE, HE MAKES ME LAUGH THOUGH HE’S OBVIOUSLY NOT MY TYPE!! IN FRONT OF THE CAMERAS, FOR THE SAKE OF THE PAPARAZZI, THINGS BETWEEN ME AND THE GREAT OLIVER BLACK ARE STARTING TO BECOME A BIT STRAINED. THE PAPS DO LOVE A BIT OF DRAMA. THOUGH TO BE HONEST THE STRAIN RECENTLY FROM HIM IS MORE REAL THAN I’D LIKE. THE MAN NEEDS TO GET LAID, HE HASN’T BEEN WITH A WOMAN FOR OVER TWO YEARS.
Two years, really?
YEAH EVER SINCE… SHIT SORRY ANNIE, HOW INSENSITIVE OF ME.
Don’t sweat it. Come for dinner tonight, instead of me communicating through this book every time I walk past it in my attempts to fix the bloomin washing machine. I may have to seriously think about a plumber. There’s only so much my dear old Dad passed onto me before he died.
NO, DON’T GET A PLUMBER. I WAS ENJOYING WATCHING YOU COME IN DRESSED IN THOSE OVERALLS. ;-)
My apologies, I didn’t realise I had walked into some dodgy 80’s porno film.
HAHA! DINNER SOUNDS LOVELY. NOW I BETTER GET BACK TO WRITING MY AUTOBIOGRAPHY. AS IF ANYONE WILL BE INTERESTED IN MY LIFE STORY, I’M ONLY TWENTY FIVE, I’VE NOT REALLY HAD ANY LIFE TO SPEAK OF YET.
Except being a famous Hollywood starlet since the age of six.
OH YES, THAT.
SUNDAY:
HAVE HAD THE LONGEST LIE IN SINCE AS FAR BACK AS I CAN REMEMBER. WOKE JUST AFTER LUNCH AND ONLY BECAUSE I WAS RAVENOUS AND COULD SMELL BACON COOKING FROM BELOW. STUMBLE DOWNSTAIRS TO FIND ANNIE SERVING UP A HUGE BREAKFAST IN MY KITCHEN. IF SHE WASN’T ALREADY SPOKEN FOR, I WOULD MARRY HER ON THE SPOT.
SOD OLLY, FINDERS KEEPERS. I’M TAKING ANNIE TO GRETNA GREEN, WE SHALL BE MARRIED BY THE END OF THE DAY. THAT WILL GIVE THE PRESS SOMETHING TO TALK ABOUT. THE BREAKFAST/LUNCH WAS THE BEST I’VE EVER TASTED.
JUST TEXT OLLY TO ASK HIS ADVICE ON WRITING. MY AUTOBIOGRAPHY IS BORING ME AND IT’S MY STORY! HIS ADVICE WAS TO EMBELLISH, LIE AND EXAGGERATE WHEREVER POSSIBLE AND ONLY USE A SMATTERING OF TRUTH. AND IF MY STORY WAS REALLY THAT DULL HE SAID TO KILL OFF A FEW KEY PLAYERS, THAT ALWAYS KEEPS THE READERS ON THEIR TOES. I LIKE THE IDEA OF EMBELLISHMENT BUT I THINK KILLING OFF JOHNNY DEPP AND GEORGE CLOONEY MIGHT BE GOING A BIT TOO FAR.
HE’S JUST TEXT ME AGAIN TO SAY THAT I SHOULD WRITE THE BIT ABOUT BREAKING UP WITH HIM AND HOW BEREFT IT MADE ME FEEL. HE’S RIGHT, BY THE TIME THIS BOOK HITS THE SHELVES, IT WILL BE OVER BETWEEN US. NEED TO FIND THE RIGHT WORDS TO DESCRIBE MY HEARTBREAK. INCONSOLABLE, DISTRAUGHT, GRIEF STRICKEN. HAHA! HE’S RIGHT, WRITING THAT BIT SHOULD BE FUN. COMPLETELY INACCURATE BUT FUN.
I’m going to have to glue these pages together once you’ve gone. You’re giving too much away. Other people will read this you know.
I’M PENELOPE PITSTOP. THEY’RE NOT GOING TO BE INTERESTED IN LITTLE OLD ME.
Hmmm >:-(
OK, OK, I’LL SPEAK IN CODE FROM NOW ON.
THE BLUE COW FLIES EAST IN THE WINTER.
Code only works if the other person knows the code.
SPOILSPORT.
THE BLACK CROW HAS GREEN EYES.
Ok that’s one I understand.
MONDAY:
OK, ANNIE, I HAVE A STORY OF MY OWN, MAYBE YOU CAN HELP ME WITH THE ENDING.
THE BLACK CROW AND THE MAGPIE WERE BROTHERS. THEY GREW UP TOGETHER, DID EVERYTHING TOGETHER. OFTEN ON THEIR ADVENTURES THEY WERE JOINED BY A PALE GOLD DOVE.
THE DOVE WAS BEAUTIFUL AND AS THEY ALL GREW UP TOGETHER, THE MAGPIE AND THE CROW TRIED DIFFERENT WAYS TO IMPRESS THE DOVE,
Just be thankful Olly wasn’t directing or producing his own book, it would have taken five years for him to be happy with the final result.
HE IS A PERFECTIONIST.
And he’s going out with you?
HAHA! YOU DO MAKE ME LAUGH ANNIE. IT’S GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
How are things between you two anyway?
IN FRONT OF THE CAMERA OR BEHIND? AWAY FROM THE PRESS WE’RE GETTING ON FINE, HE MAKES ME LAUGH THOUGH HE’S OBVIOUSLY NOT MY TYPE!! IN FRONT OF THE CAMERAS, FOR THE SAKE OF THE PAPARAZZI, THINGS BETWEEN ME AND THE GREAT OLIVER BLACK ARE STARTING TO BECOME A BIT STRAINED. THE PAPS DO LOVE A BIT OF DRAMA. THOUGH TO BE HONEST THE STRAIN RECENTLY FROM HIM IS MORE REAL THAN I’D LIKE. THE MAN NEEDS TO GET LAID, HE HASN’T BEEN WITH A WOMAN FOR OVER TWO YEARS.
Two years, really?
YEAH EVER SINCE… SHIT SORRY ANNIE, HOW INSENSITIVE OF ME.
Don’t sweat it. Come for dinner tonight, instead of me communicating through this book every time I walk past it in my attempts to fix the bloomin washing machine. I may have to seriously think about a plumber. There’s only so much my dear old Dad passed onto me before he died.
NO, DON’T GET A PLUMBER. I WAS ENJOYING WATCHING YOU COME IN DRESSED IN THOSE OVERALLS. ;-)
My apologies, I didn’t realise I had walked into some dodgy 80’s porno film.
HAHA! DINNER SOUNDS LOVELY. NOW I BETTER GET BACK TO WRITING MY AUTOBIOGRAPHY. AS IF ANYONE WILL BE INTERESTED IN MY LIFE STORY, I’M ONLY TWENTY FIVE, I’VE NOT REALLY HAD ANY LIFE TO SPEAK OF YET.
Except being a famous Hollywood starlet since the age of six.
OH YES, THAT.
SUNDAY:
HAVE HAD THE LONGEST LIE IN SINCE AS FAR BACK AS I CAN REMEMBER. WOKE JUST AFTER LUNCH AND ONLY BECAUSE I WAS RAVENOUS AND COULD SMELL BACON COOKING FROM BELOW. STUMBLE DOWNSTAIRS TO FIND ANNIE SERVING UP A HUGE BREAKFAST IN MY KITCHEN. IF SHE WASN’T ALREADY SPOKEN FOR, I WOULD MARRY HER ON THE SPOT.
SOD OLLY, FINDERS KEEPERS. I’M TAKING ANNIE TO GRETNA GREEN, WE SHALL BE MARRIED BY THE END OF THE DAY. THAT WILL GIVE THE PRESS SOMETHING TO TALK ABOUT. THE BREAKFAST/LUNCH WAS THE BEST I’VE EVER TASTED.
JUST TEXT OLLY TO ASK HIS ADVICE ON WRITING. MY AUTOBIOGRAPHY IS BORING ME AND IT’S MY STORY! HIS ADVICE WAS TO EMBELLISH, LIE AND EXAGGERATE WHEREVER POSSIBLE AND ONLY USE A SMATTERING OF TRUTH. AND IF MY STORY WAS REALLY THAT DULL HE SAID TO KILL OFF A FEW KEY PLAYERS, THAT ALWAYS KEEPS THE READERS ON THEIR TOES. I LIKE THE IDEA OF EMBELLISHMENT BUT I THINK KILLING OFF JOHNNY DEPP AND GEORGE CLOONEY MIGHT BE GOING A BIT TOO FAR.
HE’S JUST TEXT ME AGAIN TO SAY THAT I SHOULD WRITE THE BIT ABOUT BREAKING UP WITH HIM AND HOW BEREFT IT MADE ME FEEL. HE’S RIGHT, BY THE TIME THIS BOOK HITS THE SHELVES, IT WILL BE OVER BETWEEN US. NEED TO FIND THE RIGHT WORDS TO DESCRIBE MY HEARTBREAK. INCONSOLABLE, DISTRAUGHT, GRIEF STRICKEN. HAHA! HE’S RIGHT, WRITING THAT BIT SHOULD BE FUN. COMPLETELY INACCURATE BUT FUN.
I’m going to have to glue these pages together once you’ve gone. You’re giving too much away. Other people will read this you know.
I’M PENELOPE PITSTOP. THEY’RE NOT GOING TO BE INTERESTED IN LITTLE OLD ME.
Hmmm >:-(
OK, OK, I’LL SPEAK IN CODE FROM NOW ON.
THE BLUE COW FLIES EAST IN THE WINTER.
Code only works if the other person knows the code.
SPOILSPORT.
THE BLACK CROW HAS GREEN EYES.
Ok that’s one I understand.
MONDAY:
OK, ANNIE, I HAVE A STORY OF MY OWN, MAYBE YOU CAN HELP ME WITH THE ENDING.
THE BLACK CROW AND THE MAGPIE WERE BROTHERS. THEY GREW UP TOGETHER, DID EVERYTHING TOGETHER. OFTEN ON THEIR ADVENTURES THEY WERE JOINED BY A PALE GOLD DOVE.
THE DOVE WAS BEAUTIFUL AND AS THEY ALL GREW UP TOGETHER, THE MAGPIE AND THE CROW TRIED DIFFERENT WAYS TO IMPRESS THE DOVE,
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