The Handyman's Dream by Nick Poff Page A

Pastor Garnett had that affair with Mrs. Wheaton. Mom would rather be a heathen than a hypocrite, she always says. I think if you bring a guy to her house who can charm her and who praises her cooking, she won’t even notice it’s a guy and not a girl.”
    “Easy for you to say,” Ed retorted.
    “Yes, it is. But if I was really worried about it, I’d tell you.”
    Ed took a sip of his Pepsi. “All the same, I’d like to put that off as long as possible!”
    “Can’t say as I blame you. Poor Todd still has nightmares about the first time I took him home to Mom.” She looked affectionately at her brother. “Now, get that thing hooked up and get out of here so you can get ready for your date, okay?”
    Ed smiled at her in gratitude. “You know, you’re not bad, for a little sister.”
    “I’m the best damned sister in the world! You get down on your knees and thank God you got me, ya hear? And you can just tell this Rick Benton for me that he’d better be good to you, or he’ll have me to deal with.”

    * * * * *

    The phone was ringing when Ed entered his house later that afternoon.
    “It’s about time you got home,” Glen complained when Ed answered. “Why didn’t you call me, and who was that last night?”
    Dragging the phone with him, Ed threw himself on the sofa. “I’m sorry I haven’t called, but I was at Laurie’s, putting in her new dishwasher. And as for that guy last night, he was”—Ed paused dramatically—“the new mailman!”
    “What?” Glen squawked. “You said he was straight.”
    “Well, when I’m wrong, I’m wrong,” Ed said, taking great pleasure in smugness.
    “Are you shitting me? What’s going on in that town anyway?”
    “Look,” Ed said, stretching out on the sofa. “I wasn’t at all sure when he came to the door Thursday, and I knew if I said I thought that maybe he was one of us, you’d have me chasing him all over town, and I didn’t want to do that. He just happened to walk in there last night, we just happened to bump into each other, and it just so happens that he likes me as much as I like him.”
    “Well, slap my ass and call me Anita Bryant. Ed Stephens with a boyfriend! The eighties are definitely starting off with a bang. And in that town! Christ! Did you move to the Magic Kingdom or something? Are you still in Porterfield?”
    “I was when I woke up this morning,” Ed said, still smug.
    “My God. You saw the guy, you wanted him, and you got him. That’s unreal. Maybe I should move to Porterfield.”
    “Problems with Mike?”
    “Oh, no. But, Ed, things like this don’t happen very often.”
    “I know. I still can’t believe it. It’s like a dream.”
    They were both silent a moment, then Glen asked, “So when are you seeing him again?”
    “Tonight.”
    “God!” Glen sighed, stunned once again into silence.
    “Listen, Glen, I really need to get ready for him. He’s coming over later. Can I call you back this week?”
    “You’d better,” Glen shouted. “I want every last horny, dirty detail. I may even drive out to that stupid town to see you. This is better than All My Children.”
    Ed hung up the phone, knowing he’d just experienced a first: He had managed to impress Glen Mercer into silence. Things are definitely changing around here. My knight in shining blue cotton is really coming here again. He looked at his watch. Only three-thirty. Crud! He still had over two hours before Rick was due to arrive.
    He pulled himself off the sofa and looked critically around the room, wishing he was Samantha Stephens instead of Ed Stephens and could make it immaculate with the twitch of a nose. On the other hand, Rick seemed to be quite easygoing, and living in a house with three kids, he was probably used to a little dust and clutter. Still . . .
    Ed tracked down a dust cloth and made a half-assed circuit of the living room furniture. He then hauled a battered old Hoover out of the kitchen closet and pushed it around for a few