so much when you’re
thirty-five.
It was
strange but still Jess associated settling down and starting a
family as something older more mature people did, and didn’t feel
she and Brian were quite at that stage yet. Her maternal instinct
hadn’t yet kicked in, and because of this, babies still didn’t
really feature in their plans
Why not?
Was there some other subconscious reason that she hadn’t
considered?
She went
to the bedroom and stripped off her clothes, changing into a pair
of pyjama pants and an old t-shirt and tying her fair hair into a
ponytail.
She
looked around the bedroom she shared with her husband, realising
that the normal sense of calm that she got from this tranquil place
with its bright interior and luxurious fabrics was not apparent
today. She tried to see it through Emer’s eyes, suspecting that her
friend might note the room for its beauty, but would possibly deem
it lacking because the floor wasn’t strewn with toys.
Then a
sudden bubble of defensiveness rose up inside her. Why should she
be feeling undermined by this? She had a fabulous career, a
wonderful husband who loved her, and an all-round great life. She
was happy with her own choices, happy with her life as it was. At
least, she was until this weekend.
She
wanted desperately to talk to Brian about what had happened, and on
any other day would have phoned him immediately, but at that moment
he was thirty-thousand feet above sea-level on his way back from
Singapore. He’d be home later and they could talk about it
then.
Jess
sighed, wishing she didn’t have to wait. She needed to talk to
someone, needed to share what had happened and reassure herself
that she wasn’t just imagining things; that her friendship with
Emer really was in jeopardy.
In the
open wardrobe, her eyes rested on a DVF dress that her friend
Deirdre had admired last time she’d worn it. Of course, Deirdre! No
better woman to talk to about this, and who being both a friend of
hers and Emer’s would be able to shine a light on it. She too lived
in Lakeview, and was also a mum to two small toddlers, something
which as far as Jess could recall had never had any negative
bearing on their relationship.
Feeling
slightly heartened at the thought of being able to discuss her
worries with a sympathetic third party, Jess reached for the
bedside phone, and dialled Deirdre’s number.
The phone
rang seven times, and Jess was beginning to think that her friend
wasn’t home when finally, on the eighth ring, Deirdre picked
up.
‘ Hello?’ she gasped, and Jess noted how frazzled she
sounded.
‘ Deirdre, hey it’s Jess.’
‘ Oh hello there!’ she replied and as Jess heard the genuine
warmth in her voice, she began to feel more at ease.
‘ How are you? Just thought I’d phone and say –’
‘ Boys, I said NO! Hold on Jess, it’s World War Three here.’
Deirdre didn’t wait for Jess to respond; instead she placed the
phone down on whatever surface must have been closest and went off
to scold one of the boys for doing something … with a frog
apparently. OK, Jess thought with a smile, whatever that was about,
she really didn’t want to know. Finally, all seemed quiet again and
Jess waited for her friend to get back on the line.
‘ I’m sorry Jess,’ Deirdre groaned. ‘Both boys are in a mood and
I’m being referee all day.’
‘ No worries,’ Jess said, easily. ‘I can imagine.’ Although she
couldn’t, not really.
‘ So how are you?’
‘ Well …’ Jess wasn’t quite sure how to broach the subject
without feeling like an idiot. ‘I’m having a bit of a crisis
actually.’
‘ Crisis – you?’ Deirdre said with a faint laugh as if the very
idea were preposterous. ‘Ah let me guess, you can’t get those new
season Choos in your size?’
While she
might have been joking (and almost certainly was), Jess’s heart
sank afresh at the idea that her friend would think her so shallow
that the only crisis she could possibly have was a
thirty-five.
It was
strange but still Jess associated settling down and starting a
family as something older more mature people did, and didn’t feel
she and Brian were quite at that stage yet. Her maternal instinct
hadn’t yet kicked in, and because of this, babies still didn’t
really feature in their plans
Why not?
Was there some other subconscious reason that she hadn’t
considered?
She went
to the bedroom and stripped off her clothes, changing into a pair
of pyjama pants and an old t-shirt and tying her fair hair into a
ponytail.
She
looked around the bedroom she shared with her husband, realising
that the normal sense of calm that she got from this tranquil place
with its bright interior and luxurious fabrics was not apparent
today. She tried to see it through Emer’s eyes, suspecting that her
friend might note the room for its beauty, but would possibly deem
it lacking because the floor wasn’t strewn with toys.
Then a
sudden bubble of defensiveness rose up inside her. Why should she
be feeling undermined by this? She had a fabulous career, a
wonderful husband who loved her, and an all-round great life. She
was happy with her own choices, happy with her life as it was. At
least, she was until this weekend.
She
wanted desperately to talk to Brian about what had happened, and on
any other day would have phoned him immediately, but at that moment
he was thirty-thousand feet above sea-level on his way back from
Singapore. He’d be home later and they could talk about it
then.
Jess
sighed, wishing she didn’t have to wait. She needed to talk to
someone, needed to share what had happened and reassure herself
that she wasn’t just imagining things; that her friendship with
Emer really was in jeopardy.
In the
open wardrobe, her eyes rested on a DVF dress that her friend
Deirdre had admired last time she’d worn it. Of course, Deirdre! No
better woman to talk to about this, and who being both a friend of
hers and Emer’s would be able to shine a light on it. She too lived
in Lakeview, and was also a mum to two small toddlers, something
which as far as Jess could recall had never had any negative
bearing on their relationship.
Feeling
slightly heartened at the thought of being able to discuss her
worries with a sympathetic third party, Jess reached for the
bedside phone, and dialled Deirdre’s number.
The phone
rang seven times, and Jess was beginning to think that her friend
wasn’t home when finally, on the eighth ring, Deirdre picked
up.
‘ Hello?’ she gasped, and Jess noted how frazzled she
sounded.
‘ Deirdre, hey it’s Jess.’
‘ Oh hello there!’ she replied and as Jess heard the genuine
warmth in her voice, she began to feel more at ease.
‘ How are you? Just thought I’d phone and say –’
‘ Boys, I said NO! Hold on Jess, it’s World War Three here.’
Deirdre didn’t wait for Jess to respond; instead she placed the
phone down on whatever surface must have been closest and went off
to scold one of the boys for doing something … with a frog
apparently. OK, Jess thought with a smile, whatever that was about,
she really didn’t want to know. Finally, all seemed quiet again and
Jess waited for her friend to get back on the line.
‘ I’m sorry Jess,’ Deirdre groaned. ‘Both boys are in a mood and
I’m being referee all day.’
‘ No worries,’ Jess said, easily. ‘I can imagine.’ Although she
couldn’t, not really.
‘ So how are you?’
‘ Well …’ Jess wasn’t quite sure how to broach the subject
without feeling like an idiot. ‘I’m having a bit of a crisis
actually.’
‘ Crisis – you?’ Deirdre said with a faint laugh as if the very
idea were preposterous. ‘Ah let me guess, you can’t get those new
season Choos in your size?’
While she
might have been joking (and almost certainly was), Jess’s heart
sank afresh at the idea that her friend would think her so shallow
that the only crisis she could possibly have was a
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