the Heroines? Why do their needs always come first?”
“Don’t be so dramatic. They don’t always come first. Anyway, how can we tell the police about Deirdre when she isn’t…” Mother closed her eyes. “Isn’t real.” Her face buckled when she said that; it looked as if she wanted to devour her own lips.
“You know she is!” I cried.
“But nobody will believe us. They’ll think we’re nuts. And we don’t know what might happen to Deirdre. Others could interfere. Oh, Penny! I’ve explained this a million times.” Mother wrapped her arms around me, but I pushed her away. I couldn’t believe she was denying a Heroine’s existence! She, who defended them at any cost, was now a cowardly Peter. I half expected a cock to crow. I didn’t believe she was trying to protect me. She was protecting Deirdre, the Homestead, all the past and future Heroines. She was protecting herself. Everybody but me. I truly felt like a lunatic. I didn’t want to listen to Mother’s logic. All she was doing was choosing the Heroines over me. I harped on one point. “If Deirdre isn’t real, then who’s that blonde upstairs in my room?”
“You know what I mean. Nobody’s going to believe it. And if you keep talking about it, they’ll think there’s really something wrong with you.”
“I’m not the one with a problem! Why did you even call the cops?”
“I was worried sick! You were gone for hours and—”
“I wish you’d just gone to bed.” I balled up the Kleenex and threw it at her face, but it struck her shoulder, and she bent to pick it up.
The nurse knocked at the door and poked in her head, pointing at her watch. “Ma’am, I really need to get this done. The police need the report.”
Mother nodded, and helped me to get situated in the stirrups, which were cold against the pads of my feet. I wasn’t used to spreading my knees, and they instinctively knocked together. The nurse put on a rubber glove and squirted gel on her hands and came toward me. “Now, you’ll feel a little discomfort, Penny. But the more you relax, the faster it will be over. First I’ll put this speculum in.”
I didn’t know how to relax. She pressed my knees apart and guided something cold inside me; it felt like the top of a metal baseball bat was going up me. I looked at Mother, and she squeezed my hand, as my tears welled. If this was what girls had to go through, I never wanted to grow up.
“Now, I’m just going to put this swab in. Hang in there, Penny, you’re doing great. It’ll be like a little pinch.”
It felt more like being pierced by a needle. “Ouch!” I cried.
“Relax!” the nurse urged. “We’re almost there.”
“Honey, breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth,” Mother said.
I sniffed and snorted, but then I felt the baseball bat pull out of me in three distinct tugs. The nurse raised her head. “Hymen’s intact.”
“Thank God!” Mother blew air out of her mouth, then hugged me, but I stiffened, drawing my arms in closer to myself.
The nurse tugged the fingertips of her glove, then pulled it over her hand. She stepped on the foot pedal of a garbage can and dropped something inside. “I’ll tell Dr. Keller you’re ready to see him.”
I sat up and squeezed my legs together. Mother tried to smooth my hair, but I ducked. Dr. Keller whisked into the room, jazz-tapping his clipboard with a four-color Bic pen.
“All right, all right. Penelope Entwhistle. Lovely name. Musical.” He hummed a corny melody. “Now, according to the police report, you encountered a man in the woods, is that right? Officer Marone said something about a man on horseback…”
I looked at Mother. She shook her head almost undetectably, but Keller caught it. “Anna-Maria, perhaps it’s best if I speak with Penny alone, don’t you think?”
“I won’t—”
“Of course you won’t.” He wrapped an arm around her shoulder. “But still, it’s a little better if we make this a
“Don’t be so dramatic. They don’t always come first. Anyway, how can we tell the police about Deirdre when she isn’t…” Mother closed her eyes. “Isn’t real.” Her face buckled when she said that; it looked as if she wanted to devour her own lips.
“You know she is!” I cried.
“But nobody will believe us. They’ll think we’re nuts. And we don’t know what might happen to Deirdre. Others could interfere. Oh, Penny! I’ve explained this a million times.” Mother wrapped her arms around me, but I pushed her away. I couldn’t believe she was denying a Heroine’s existence! She, who defended them at any cost, was now a cowardly Peter. I half expected a cock to crow. I didn’t believe she was trying to protect me. She was protecting Deirdre, the Homestead, all the past and future Heroines. She was protecting herself. Everybody but me. I truly felt like a lunatic. I didn’t want to listen to Mother’s logic. All she was doing was choosing the Heroines over me. I harped on one point. “If Deirdre isn’t real, then who’s that blonde upstairs in my room?”
“You know what I mean. Nobody’s going to believe it. And if you keep talking about it, they’ll think there’s really something wrong with you.”
“I’m not the one with a problem! Why did you even call the cops?”
“I was worried sick! You were gone for hours and—”
“I wish you’d just gone to bed.” I balled up the Kleenex and threw it at her face, but it struck her shoulder, and she bent to pick it up.
The nurse knocked at the door and poked in her head, pointing at her watch. “Ma’am, I really need to get this done. The police need the report.”
Mother nodded, and helped me to get situated in the stirrups, which were cold against the pads of my feet. I wasn’t used to spreading my knees, and they instinctively knocked together. The nurse put on a rubber glove and squirted gel on her hands and came toward me. “Now, you’ll feel a little discomfort, Penny. But the more you relax, the faster it will be over. First I’ll put this speculum in.”
I didn’t know how to relax. She pressed my knees apart and guided something cold inside me; it felt like the top of a metal baseball bat was going up me. I looked at Mother, and she squeezed my hand, as my tears welled. If this was what girls had to go through, I never wanted to grow up.
“Now, I’m just going to put this swab in. Hang in there, Penny, you’re doing great. It’ll be like a little pinch.”
It felt more like being pierced by a needle. “Ouch!” I cried.
“Relax!” the nurse urged. “We’re almost there.”
“Honey, breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth,” Mother said.
I sniffed and snorted, but then I felt the baseball bat pull out of me in three distinct tugs. The nurse raised her head. “Hymen’s intact.”
“Thank God!” Mother blew air out of her mouth, then hugged me, but I stiffened, drawing my arms in closer to myself.
The nurse tugged the fingertips of her glove, then pulled it over her hand. She stepped on the foot pedal of a garbage can and dropped something inside. “I’ll tell Dr. Keller you’re ready to see him.”
I sat up and squeezed my legs together. Mother tried to smooth my hair, but I ducked. Dr. Keller whisked into the room, jazz-tapping his clipboard with a four-color Bic pen.
“All right, all right. Penelope Entwhistle. Lovely name. Musical.” He hummed a corny melody. “Now, according to the police report, you encountered a man in the woods, is that right? Officer Marone said something about a man on horseback…”
I looked at Mother. She shook her head almost undetectably, but Keller caught it. “Anna-Maria, perhaps it’s best if I speak with Penny alone, don’t you think?”
“I won’t—”
“Of course you won’t.” He wrapped an arm around her shoulder. “But still, it’s a little better if we make this a
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