The Hitwoman Hunts a Ghost

The Hitwoman Hunts a Ghost by JB Lynn Page B

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Authors: JB Lynn
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he wasn’t happy about it.
    While we waited for Candace’s arrival, I called Armani and left her a message, explaining that Aunt Loretta needed her help and asking if there was any way she could stop by the B&B to give her a reading.
    “You know that’s not going to end well,” God drawled as I disconnected the call.
    “I know,” I sighed. “But what else am I supposed to do?”
    Before he could reply, Candace, in a pink outfit with a matching beret, rounded the corner.
    I would have griped; she looked even cuter, but she carried two cups of coffee from my favorite donut shop. Instead of making a catty comment about her clothes, I murmured a fervent prayer that she’d bestow some of the heavenly brew on me.
    “I didn’t know how you take it,” she chirped cheerily, extending a cup to me. “I had them put cream in, and I have sugar in my pocket, I hope that’s okay.”
    “Great”.” I tried to hide the trembling of my addict-hands as I took the drink from her. “Cream is good. I don’t take sugar.”
    “Really?”
    She sounded shocked. Flipping the sip hole open, I eyed her through the steam that emerged. “Really.”
    “I couldn’t stomach it without sugar. Lots of it.”
    I nodded, not surprised, that Miss Cute subsisted on sweet stuff.
    “You brought your dog.”
    “Can’t get anything past her,” God piped up from his hiding spot.
    Candace’s eyes grew wide. “What was that?”
    “My lizard,” I replied nonchalantly, like it’s perfectly normal to tote a reptile around in one’s bra.
    Candace blinked rapidly, too stunned to even comment.
    “I’m an animal lover,” I told her drily.
    “More like torturer,” God groused.
    Shaking her head, Candace turned away as though facing me was too much for her. “There was a Ghost sighting last night.”
    “I love Ghost Hunters ,” the lizard opined.
    Poor Candace twitched a bit.
    Bringing my cup to my lips, I pressed my forearms to my chest, lightly crushing my breasts.
    “Sensitive skin!” God shrieked. “You giant, clumsy oaf.”
    “Shut up,” I muttered.
    “Excuse me?” Candace asked, looking back at me.
    “Not you. I want God to shut up.”
    Her eyes grew positively saucer-like. She backed up a step. Then another. “You think God’s talking to you?”
    “He is.”
    Candace glanced up and down the street furtively, perhaps looking for men in white coats who could snatch me up in an oversized butterfly net and take me to the nearest insane asylum.
    I grit my teeth as a familiar surge of fear, followed quickly by anger, swelled inside me. My mother was the crazy one. Not me.
    Not me.
    “The lizard’s name is God,” I hurried to assure her. “It’s short for Godzilla.”
    She nodded slowly, but still looked ready to flee from the unhinged lady at the slightest provocation.
    Feeling guilty for freaking her out, heaven knows I’ve been freaked out by crazy people myself, I explained further, “He’s my niece’s pet, and once we’re done here, I’m going to the hospital to visit her. I thought maybe he’d cheer her up.”
    Nodding slowly, she relaxed, as though sneaking a pet lizard into a hospital was perfectly normal behavior. Though I guess compared to talking to the actual God, it might be.
    “So there was a Ghost sighting?”
    “He got into some garbage, last night. Two blocks away.”
    “Go let’s!” DeeDee declared, leaping to her feet and dragging me down the road.
    If I’d had two hands to use on the leash, I might have stopped her, but since I wasn’t willing to relinquish my coffee, I followed docilely, like a sled behind a bunch of mushing Huskies.
    “Where are you going?” Candace asked, running to keep up with us.
    “Ghost find!” DeeDee barked excitedly.
    “To find the dog.” Wasn’t that obvious?
    “He was spotted in the other direction,” Candace said, jerking her thumb backward.
    “Stop, you four-legged imbecile,” God roared. “You’re going the wrong way.”
    Obediently, DeeDee skidded

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