nan nodded and then the three of them watched in silence as the box went up in a rainbow of flames on the log fire.
Harmony pushed the recollection away and looked back at her husband. ‘Will,’ she tried again. ‘Is everything okay?’
‘I’m fine. I wasn’t expecting to see him, that’s all.’
‘Talk to me. Please?’
‘There’s nothing much to say. I knew the guy at school. We lost touch. It was a surprise to see him.’
‘It looked like more than that to me.’
They drove in silence for a while and then Harmony heard him take a deep breath. ‘It’s thrown me,’ he said. ‘I suppose I’d sort of blanked him out of my head, and seeing him like that was … ’ he paused, hesitating, searching for the right words, ‘like seeing a ghost.’ His words rang around them like the echo of a church bell. His brow furrowed and his mouth twitched, as if he was trying to decode his thoughts.
They didn’t speak for the rest of the journey. The car was hot, the early evening sunshine warming the air inside until it was too stuffy to bear. She opened her window and leant her head against the door so the stream of cool air ran over her face. Her mind drifted to Luke, the way he’d looked at her during lunch, that peculiar directness she found so fascinating. She heard his voice, steady and calm, asking her to leave Emma’s party with him. What would have happened if she’d said yes? She closed her eyes and saw herself take his hand. She followed him down the corridor. Into the hallway, past the butler and out of the house. She saw herself climbing into his car. Heard the sound of the car door closing. Saw his hand reach over to rest on her thigh. Harmony opened her eyes and shifted herself in her seat, then glanced at Will, who stared intently at the road ahead.
When they got back to the flat Harmony went to her small study and grabbed a pen and her reading glasses and the pile of papers from her desk. In the living room she sat down on the sofa and put on her glasses.
‘I’ll put the kettle on, would you like a cup of tea?’
‘I’m fine,’ she said, keeping her eyes on the notes on her lap.
‘Hey,’ said Will gently. ‘Don’t be like that.’ He sat on the sofa beside her and took her hand. ‘Don’t be cross.’
‘I’m not cross,’ she said, putting her work on the coffee table and looking at him. ‘I just wish you’d talk to me about this, that’s all. I’ve never heard you mention Luke before.’
‘Look, I’m not keeping it from you for any reason. It’s just not important.’ He tucked some of her hair behind her ear and then pulled her into him. ‘I’ve told you before, those years at school, none of it matters now. I’ve put it behind me.’
‘Put what behind you? What happened?’
He didn’t answer immediately. She could tell he was thinking about telling her, weighing it up, but then he shook his head. ‘I really don’t want to talk about it. Stuff happened. Stuff that’s too hard to talk about. It’s best forgotten. And I’m over it. Really, I am.’
‘But today—’
‘It was a surprise,’ he said, interrupting her. ‘Christ, you know better than anyone how little time I spend thinking about school. Seeing Luke like that threw me. Last time I saw him he was a kid. I was expecting a nice lunch in the sun with Emma and Ian and then this blast from the past showed up.’ He sighed heavily. ‘I probably need to work on my acting skills a bit. Perfect the art of hiding shock. That’s the second time in a week I’ve failed with that.’
She shook her head and made a face at him.
‘I’m going to grab a beer,’ he said. ‘You want anything?’
‘No, thanks.’
As he left the living room she leant back against the arm of the sofa, turning her head to breathe in its smell; safe and familiar, it wrapped around her like a warm blanket. She and Will had got it in the sales on the Tottenham Court Road the weekend they moved in together. It was the first
Harmony pushed the recollection away and looked back at her husband. ‘Will,’ she tried again. ‘Is everything okay?’
‘I’m fine. I wasn’t expecting to see him, that’s all.’
‘Talk to me. Please?’
‘There’s nothing much to say. I knew the guy at school. We lost touch. It was a surprise to see him.’
‘It looked like more than that to me.’
They drove in silence for a while and then Harmony heard him take a deep breath. ‘It’s thrown me,’ he said. ‘I suppose I’d sort of blanked him out of my head, and seeing him like that was … ’ he paused, hesitating, searching for the right words, ‘like seeing a ghost.’ His words rang around them like the echo of a church bell. His brow furrowed and his mouth twitched, as if he was trying to decode his thoughts.
They didn’t speak for the rest of the journey. The car was hot, the early evening sunshine warming the air inside until it was too stuffy to bear. She opened her window and leant her head against the door so the stream of cool air ran over her face. Her mind drifted to Luke, the way he’d looked at her during lunch, that peculiar directness she found so fascinating. She heard his voice, steady and calm, asking her to leave Emma’s party with him. What would have happened if she’d said yes? She closed her eyes and saw herself take his hand. She followed him down the corridor. Into the hallway, past the butler and out of the house. She saw herself climbing into his car. Heard the sound of the car door closing. Saw his hand reach over to rest on her thigh. Harmony opened her eyes and shifted herself in her seat, then glanced at Will, who stared intently at the road ahead.
When they got back to the flat Harmony went to her small study and grabbed a pen and her reading glasses and the pile of papers from her desk. In the living room she sat down on the sofa and put on her glasses.
‘I’ll put the kettle on, would you like a cup of tea?’
‘I’m fine,’ she said, keeping her eyes on the notes on her lap.
‘Hey,’ said Will gently. ‘Don’t be like that.’ He sat on the sofa beside her and took her hand. ‘Don’t be cross.’
‘I’m not cross,’ she said, putting her work on the coffee table and looking at him. ‘I just wish you’d talk to me about this, that’s all. I’ve never heard you mention Luke before.’
‘Look, I’m not keeping it from you for any reason. It’s just not important.’ He tucked some of her hair behind her ear and then pulled her into him. ‘I’ve told you before, those years at school, none of it matters now. I’ve put it behind me.’
‘Put what behind you? What happened?’
He didn’t answer immediately. She could tell he was thinking about telling her, weighing it up, but then he shook his head. ‘I really don’t want to talk about it. Stuff happened. Stuff that’s too hard to talk about. It’s best forgotten. And I’m over it. Really, I am.’
‘But today—’
‘It was a surprise,’ he said, interrupting her. ‘Christ, you know better than anyone how little time I spend thinking about school. Seeing Luke like that threw me. Last time I saw him he was a kid. I was expecting a nice lunch in the sun with Emma and Ian and then this blast from the past showed up.’ He sighed heavily. ‘I probably need to work on my acting skills a bit. Perfect the art of hiding shock. That’s the second time in a week I’ve failed with that.’
She shook her head and made a face at him.
‘I’m going to grab a beer,’ he said. ‘You want anything?’
‘No, thanks.’
As he left the living room she leant back against the arm of the sofa, turning her head to breathe in its smell; safe and familiar, it wrapped around her like a warm blanket. She and Will had got it in the sales on the Tottenham Court Road the weekend they moved in together. It was the first
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