gun.”
“What’s a BB gun?”
“You know, BB guns. Remember that show we used to watch on cable from America? About toddlers and tiaras?”
He gives me a blank look.
“You know, the show where those people like to put makeup on their small daughters? We used to watch it on cable, and you used to say how messed up Americans are.”
More blank looks.
“And when they weren’t at the pageants, they were out shooting things in the woods with BB guns. And you kept saying that the American education system must be completely cracked.”
“I don’t remember the show, but yes, the whole world knows Americans are violent and senseless. You don’t believe in evolution. You deny climate science. What do they teach you in school in America? And how much fatter are Americans going to get…”
Wait a minute. After everything he’s done, he insults my nationality?
“Look, I don’t know how we got off on this tangent. I don’t have time to explain what a BB gun is. And there are dumb people all over the planet. I’m staring at one right now. What do you want, anyway? What are you doing here?”
“Lily Bilbury,” he says, unfathomably reaching out to grab both of my hands, “I am here to thank you most ardently. You saved me. You saved me from that maniac by tackling her.”
I yank my hands free and stare him in the eye. Enrico looks groggy. They must have given him some good pain medication at the hospital.
“Shouldn’t you be off trying to woo back your teenage bride-to-be?”
“She left me, Lily, she’s gone for good…,” he sobs.
“Well, of course she left you. She’s a young person with her whole life ahead of her,” I say, hoping that my unsympathetic words will sober him up. But they don’t. Instead, Enrico holds out his arms for a hug. In response, I fold my arms tight across my chest.
“I wanted to come by and tell you that you’re all I have left,” Enrico continues deliriously. “Lidia’s parents found out about everything, our secret plans to get married at city hall… and…and Federica trying to kill me… and they are forbidding her to have any contact with me. Her father even rang me up and said if I ever come anywhere near her again, he’ll shoot me himself. Dio mio, he say he’d shoot me. Suddenly everyone’s got a gun, must make you feel right at home, Lil.”
Honestly, who is this man? What planet did he come from? Was he really trying to marry Lidia without the consent of her parents? I swear there’s no bigger creep in the world than this person who stands before me now, looking even sadder, if at all possible, than Phil did the other day.
“Stop,” I say. “I won’t hug you, and I don’t want to know you anymore. I am not all you have left. You do not have me. You have nothing. You deserve nothing. You stay away from the boys. And get ready, because I’ll be seeing you in court. I may be nothing more than a dumb American, but this dumb American plans to sue for full custody.” Adroitly I maneuver around his outstretched arms and head back to the kitchen.
Uncle Tommaso, God bless him, has been standing at the entrance waiting for me, watching like a guardian angel through the door’s glass panel. He slams the door shut in Enrico’s face as soon as I shuffle into the kitchen. Then Uncle Tommaso, Aunt Alice and I look at each other and shake our heads. We’ve had enough of Enrico to last a lifetime. We are done.
November
(Rough seas.)
Chapter 8
S o it is that we are a family divided. Bettonina vs. Bilbury will go to court someday, but for now, Enrico is lying low. I no longer allow him to pick up the boys on the weekend and thankfully, he doesn’t try. He has even quit his job, transferring to a hospital in Milan in order to avoid all the embarrassing glances and snatches of gossip that float his way every time he steps out of his house in Arona. As for poor Federica, she’s being charged with attempted first-degree murder. It seems a bit much,
“What’s a BB gun?”
“You know, BB guns. Remember that show we used to watch on cable from America? About toddlers and tiaras?”
He gives me a blank look.
“You know, the show where those people like to put makeup on their small daughters? We used to watch it on cable, and you used to say how messed up Americans are.”
More blank looks.
“And when they weren’t at the pageants, they were out shooting things in the woods with BB guns. And you kept saying that the American education system must be completely cracked.”
“I don’t remember the show, but yes, the whole world knows Americans are violent and senseless. You don’t believe in evolution. You deny climate science. What do they teach you in school in America? And how much fatter are Americans going to get…”
Wait a minute. After everything he’s done, he insults my nationality?
“Look, I don’t know how we got off on this tangent. I don’t have time to explain what a BB gun is. And there are dumb people all over the planet. I’m staring at one right now. What do you want, anyway? What are you doing here?”
“Lily Bilbury,” he says, unfathomably reaching out to grab both of my hands, “I am here to thank you most ardently. You saved me. You saved me from that maniac by tackling her.”
I yank my hands free and stare him in the eye. Enrico looks groggy. They must have given him some good pain medication at the hospital.
“Shouldn’t you be off trying to woo back your teenage bride-to-be?”
“She left me, Lily, she’s gone for good…,” he sobs.
“Well, of course she left you. She’s a young person with her whole life ahead of her,” I say, hoping that my unsympathetic words will sober him up. But they don’t. Instead, Enrico holds out his arms for a hug. In response, I fold my arms tight across my chest.
“I wanted to come by and tell you that you’re all I have left,” Enrico continues deliriously. “Lidia’s parents found out about everything, our secret plans to get married at city hall… and…and Federica trying to kill me… and they are forbidding her to have any contact with me. Her father even rang me up and said if I ever come anywhere near her again, he’ll shoot me himself. Dio mio, he say he’d shoot me. Suddenly everyone’s got a gun, must make you feel right at home, Lil.”
Honestly, who is this man? What planet did he come from? Was he really trying to marry Lidia without the consent of her parents? I swear there’s no bigger creep in the world than this person who stands before me now, looking even sadder, if at all possible, than Phil did the other day.
“Stop,” I say. “I won’t hug you, and I don’t want to know you anymore. I am not all you have left. You do not have me. You have nothing. You deserve nothing. You stay away from the boys. And get ready, because I’ll be seeing you in court. I may be nothing more than a dumb American, but this dumb American plans to sue for full custody.” Adroitly I maneuver around his outstretched arms and head back to the kitchen.
Uncle Tommaso, God bless him, has been standing at the entrance waiting for me, watching like a guardian angel through the door’s glass panel. He slams the door shut in Enrico’s face as soon as I shuffle into the kitchen. Then Uncle Tommaso, Aunt Alice and I look at each other and shake our heads. We’ve had enough of Enrico to last a lifetime. We are done.
November
(Rough seas.)
Chapter 8
S o it is that we are a family divided. Bettonina vs. Bilbury will go to court someday, but for now, Enrico is lying low. I no longer allow him to pick up the boys on the weekend and thankfully, he doesn’t try. He has even quit his job, transferring to a hospital in Milan in order to avoid all the embarrassing glances and snatches of gossip that float his way every time he steps out of his house in Arona. As for poor Federica, she’s being charged with attempted first-degree murder. It seems a bit much,
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