The Last Adventure of Constance Verity by A. Lee Martinez Page A

said Connie.
    Tia snarled. “No. You’re going to use your arms. I don’t need you to hold back.”
    â€œActually—”
    Tia rushed forward. Connie punched Tia and threw her to the floor.
    â€œSon of a bitch.” Tia groaned. “I think you dislocated my shoulder.”
    â€œYou’d know if I dislocated your shoulder. You’re fine. You said I shouldn’t hold back.”
    â€œOkay, so hold back a little.” Tia sat up.
    â€œNo need. You can come along.”
    â€œBut I didn’t hit you.”
    â€œAnd you never will. Keep that in mind. I’m good, but there are people out there who make me look like an amateur. If you can’t take me on, you can’t take them on.”
    â€œPoint made,” said Tia.
    Connie helped Tia up. “I need you to listen to me and not do anything stupid. Other than the stupid thing of going with me.”
    â€œI can do that.”
    â€œIt’s still a bad idea, but maybe you are sidekick material after all.” Connie helped Tia up. “And I still owe you for your ruined wedding reception.”
    â€œRuined? Those mob goons were the only thing worth remembering about the whole day. I can’t believe you punched me.” Tia wiped her bloody nose. “I knew it was a test.”
    â€œHad to see if you could take it.”
    â€œHow’d I do?”
    â€œTerrible, but you’re an adult. I don’t feel like wasting time talking you out of this. Just don’t complain to me if you get eaten by something.”
    â€œWouldn’t dream of it. How do we find this fairy godmother of yours? Do we need to journey to some ancient woods forgotten by man and dance three times around a circle of mushrooms under the light of the full moon?”
    â€œNothing that complicated,” said Connie. “Help me move these boxes.”
    They cleared some space around an antique wardrobe wrapped in heavy chains with a lock the size of a pie plate engraved with a knight’s helm.
    â€œFancy,” said Tia. “Is this the way, then? Through a magic wardrobe? Bit of a cliché, isn’t it?”
    â€œWelcome to my life,” replied Connie as she tapped the key twice on the lock. “Third time’s the charm.”
    â€œWait.”
    â€œHave you changed your mind?”
    â€œNo, but is transitioning into magical dimensions anything like flying? Because if it is, I’m probably going to need some Dramamine. Have some in one of my bags.”
    â€œYou’ll be fine.” Connie tapped the lock one last time It fell away with a heavy thud, and the wardrobe’s doors were flung open. A terrifying beast—half-man, half-dragon, half-tree—stepped into the room. It was too many halves, but the fae were a race who enjoyed flouting convention.
    The monster roared and stacks of boxes fell. Tia lost sight of Connie, buried under an avalanche of cardboard.
    The dragon elm beast turned its gaze on Tia and snorted.
    It was probably too late to change her mind.
    The dragon man spread his wings, toppling over more boxes.
    â€œConstance Verity!” he bellowed. “You were warned not to trespass upon the Fae Realms upon penalty of death by torture!”
    He inhaled. Flames flickered at the corners of his mouth.
    Tia held up her hands. “Hold on! I’m not her!”
    The guardian swallowed his fire, choking and sputtering, exhaling clouds of smoke. He rubbed his watering eyes.
    â€œOh, I’m sorry. My mistake.” He snorted and blew a stream of smoke out of his nostrils. “You wouldn’t happen to know where she is? This is her wardrobe. I assume she’s around here somewhere.”
    Tia eyed the piles of boxes on the floor for the slightest sign of movement. “I don’t know.”
    â€œYou wouldn’t be lying to me, would you? I’d be terribly upset if you were.”
    Tia smiled with all the sincerity she could muster, looking into the