suspiciously. “At this distance, I don’t ever miss. What did you do?”
“Hey, don’t blame me if you can’t shoot your magical blue...thingies straight,” Steve said, and then waved a placatory hand at her glower. “I’m only kidding. I think I created some sort of shield. Or the Fool did. Or I’m the Fool. Or something.”
“I’ll go with the idea that you’re a fool.”
“ The Fool.”
“Whatever.”
His phone began to play the stuttering guitar of Steppenwolf’s Magic Carpet Ride.
Ace looked at the phone disgustedly. “Doesn’t that thing know any songs from this century?”
The phone instantly switched to B.o.B.’s rap version of Magic.
Steve shuddered. “Now look at what you’ve done.” Looking at the screen, he saw a picture of the Rolling Stones’ iconic lolling tongue. He showed it to Ace. “I think this is for you.”
She snorted and returned to stripping and examining her pistol.
Steve put the phone to his ear. Aloud, he said, “Well, that was an unusual experiment.” Then, in a strangled whisper, he continued. “Please don’t ever suggest anything that stupid again!”
“Noted,” Barnaby said. “However, we’ve gotten much closer to what that anomaly is and, more importantly, what changes it’s going to bring.”
“I’m making a command decision.” Steve said sternly. “Next time, we do it with less risk to my most precious possession.”
“What’s that? Your reputation?”
“Don’t be ridiculous. My life.”
“Noted.” The phone vibrated briefly. “Now, could both of you go over to the tables and look at the rift through the phone’s camera?”
Ace came over and stood beside Steve as he pointed the phone at the empty space between the tables. The voice switched itself into speaker mode. “All right. First, Master Chief, tell me what you see.”
Ace looked at the area between the tables. “An empty parking space.”
“That’s it? On the phone as well?” She glanced at the screen. “Yes, sir.”
“And you, Mr. Rowan?”
“Well, things have changed. Before, I could only see the purple goo through the phone.” He sighed. “However, apparently I have problems, whether visual or mental remains to be seen, because now, even without the phone, I’m beginning to see the six- inch bloody gash hanging in the air, the slimy goo leaking out of it, and the cloud of vapor that’s filling this little hidey-hole. It’s like the weird is being overlaid on the real.” He looked around the enclosed area again. “Oh, and I guess I should mention that the holes in the walls and ceiling–which were fairly small before–are now gigantic and quite a lot of the purple smoky stuff is escaping.”
“Hmm. We’ll get to that in a moment.” Barnaby said. “So, you’ve gained the ability to see Other Than Normal events without the phone.”
“What?” Steve was shocked. “You mean that I can see spooky stuff that normal people can’t?”
“Yes.”
“What if I swear that I can’t see anything unusual?”
“Like a pistol shooting blue lightning bolts?”
“Exactly.”
“Sadly, you just blew that one.” The phone said. “We know that you have the ability to see the magical reality that coexists with the real reality that we’ve become used to.”
“Are you listening to yourself?” Steve said. “‘Magical reality’ and ‘real reality’. I’d say that you’re reaching for the record in redundant oxymorons.”
“You mean like the intense apathy inspired by a short briefing from military intelligence?”
“Ow.” Steve pulled the phone away, stuck his forefinger in his ear, and twisted it. “That actually hurt.” He switched the speaker back on.
“Let’s get back to the job at hand.” Barnaby said. “We’ve established that you are perceiving the unreal real world at an increasing rate.”
“I told you to cut that out.” Steve warned.
The phone made a muttering noise that sounded a little like a chuckle. “How about you,
“Hey, don’t blame me if you can’t shoot your magical blue...thingies straight,” Steve said, and then waved a placatory hand at her glower. “I’m only kidding. I think I created some sort of shield. Or the Fool did. Or I’m the Fool. Or something.”
“I’ll go with the idea that you’re a fool.”
“ The Fool.”
“Whatever.”
His phone began to play the stuttering guitar of Steppenwolf’s Magic Carpet Ride.
Ace looked at the phone disgustedly. “Doesn’t that thing know any songs from this century?”
The phone instantly switched to B.o.B.’s rap version of Magic.
Steve shuddered. “Now look at what you’ve done.” Looking at the screen, he saw a picture of the Rolling Stones’ iconic lolling tongue. He showed it to Ace. “I think this is for you.”
She snorted and returned to stripping and examining her pistol.
Steve put the phone to his ear. Aloud, he said, “Well, that was an unusual experiment.” Then, in a strangled whisper, he continued. “Please don’t ever suggest anything that stupid again!”
“Noted,” Barnaby said. “However, we’ve gotten much closer to what that anomaly is and, more importantly, what changes it’s going to bring.”
“I’m making a command decision.” Steve said sternly. “Next time, we do it with less risk to my most precious possession.”
“What’s that? Your reputation?”
“Don’t be ridiculous. My life.”
“Noted.” The phone vibrated briefly. “Now, could both of you go over to the tables and look at the rift through the phone’s camera?”
Ace came over and stood beside Steve as he pointed the phone at the empty space between the tables. The voice switched itself into speaker mode. “All right. First, Master Chief, tell me what you see.”
Ace looked at the area between the tables. “An empty parking space.”
“That’s it? On the phone as well?” She glanced at the screen. “Yes, sir.”
“And you, Mr. Rowan?”
“Well, things have changed. Before, I could only see the purple goo through the phone.” He sighed. “However, apparently I have problems, whether visual or mental remains to be seen, because now, even without the phone, I’m beginning to see the six- inch bloody gash hanging in the air, the slimy goo leaking out of it, and the cloud of vapor that’s filling this little hidey-hole. It’s like the weird is being overlaid on the real.” He looked around the enclosed area again. “Oh, and I guess I should mention that the holes in the walls and ceiling–which were fairly small before–are now gigantic and quite a lot of the purple smoky stuff is escaping.”
“Hmm. We’ll get to that in a moment.” Barnaby said. “So, you’ve gained the ability to see Other Than Normal events without the phone.”
“What?” Steve was shocked. “You mean that I can see spooky stuff that normal people can’t?”
“Yes.”
“What if I swear that I can’t see anything unusual?”
“Like a pistol shooting blue lightning bolts?”
“Exactly.”
“Sadly, you just blew that one.” The phone said. “We know that you have the ability to see the magical reality that coexists with the real reality that we’ve become used to.”
“Are you listening to yourself?” Steve said. “‘Magical reality’ and ‘real reality’. I’d say that you’re reaching for the record in redundant oxymorons.”
“You mean like the intense apathy inspired by a short briefing from military intelligence?”
“Ow.” Steve pulled the phone away, stuck his forefinger in his ear, and twisted it. “That actually hurt.” He switched the speaker back on.
“Let’s get back to the job at hand.” Barnaby said. “We’ve established that you are perceiving the unreal real world at an increasing rate.”
“I told you to cut that out.” Steve warned.
The phone made a muttering noise that sounded a little like a chuckle. “How about you,
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