disappointed the other night.”
“Why?” she asks, genuine concern in her voice for the first time. “You told me it was good.”
I take a deep breath. “But I think he wanted to . . . you know.”
She raises her eyebrows. “Bake you a cake?”
“Kenzie!”
She folds her hands in her lap, steels herself, and looks up at me with her therapist eyes. “How much have you guys done exactly? Apart from the other night?”
I hesitate, but her eyes say it’s okay.
“Just made out.”
Her laugh sounds like Styrofoam peanuts rubbing together. “That’s it?” I cringe, embarrassed and, for some reason, ashamed. “Really?”
“Geez, Kenzie. Yes, really. Was I supposed to have slept with him on the basement couch by now? He’s not even my boyfriend. And I’m supposed to . . .” My voice breaks off, and my eyes fill with tears. MacKenzie’s supposed to be the one who understands, even if she is much more chill about sex than I am. She’s supposed to be on my side.
“Whoa,” she says. “I didn’t mean you had to sleep with him. There are other things.”
I taste salt on my lips. “Well, thanks,” I say. “I didn’t realize .”
She puts her hand on my shoulder. “I’m not trying to make you upset. I’m just saying that it’s okay for things to progress. You might even like it.”
“What if I don’t want things to progress?” I ask.
She sighs. “Have you been talking to Veronica? Is that where all this prudey guilt is coming from?”
“No,” I snap. “I haven’t. And could you do me a favor and not bring Veronica into all of this?”
MacKenzie thinks Veronica is all uptight about sex because in a moment of extreme un-Veronica-ness, she essentially called MacKenzie a slut in the middle of the cafeteria. I’d skipped our standing Friday movie date for a party with MacKenzie, and Veronica was fuming at lunch on Monday. “So you’re going to start sleeping your way to the top of the East Bonneville food chain, too? You never gave a shit about any of this stuff until the fabulous MacKenzie came along.”
It was a seriously crappy thing to say to MacKenzie. But it was also crappy of us to exclude her. I should have followed her out of the cafeteria, told her I was sorry. Instead, I sat stock-still as Veronica grabbed her lunch and stomped away, not looking back once. After that, she went back to the edge of the cafeteria, sat with a bunch of girls from one of our AP classes who she didn’t even like that much. And I just let it happen.
MacKenzie scoots closer to me on the bed, and Rocky hops up to join us. She can see she’s hurt me, and she softens her voice. “Listen, if you don’t want things to progress, they don’t have to. I’m just saying, if you wanted to, it’s really not that big of a deal.”
“He said he would wait for me.” I wipe tears from my eyes and take short, quick breaths.
“And he will,” MacKenzie says, an upbeat note in her voice. “I’m only saying that there’s nothing to be afraid of. You guys should be enjoying each other. You’re young . . . and beautiful . . . and soon to be boyfriend-girlfriend!”
I scratch behind Rocky’s ears. “You absolutely do not know that.”
MacKenzie ignores my negativity, gives me a hug. “It’ll be fine. I promise.”
But as I reach for a box of tissues, I’m not quite sure I believe her.
J ASON DISAPPEARS SOMEWHERE between four o’clock and dinner, when I’m up in my room, taking a crack at my summer reading, and pretending his truck’s not even there. Heart of Darkness is confusing enough when your brain isn’t constantly flitting to the whereabouts of your old best friend/sister’s mortal enemy/etc. . . .
I can tell something’s up with Mom not two minutes into dinner. She cuts her steak with sharp quick movements, hacking at it like it’s her nemesis. She’s got something on her mind, and she’s begging for one of us to ask.
“Easy there, the cow’s already dead, Genevieve,” Dad says
“Why?” she asks, genuine concern in her voice for the first time. “You told me it was good.”
I take a deep breath. “But I think he wanted to . . . you know.”
She raises her eyebrows. “Bake you a cake?”
“Kenzie!”
She folds her hands in her lap, steels herself, and looks up at me with her therapist eyes. “How much have you guys done exactly? Apart from the other night?”
I hesitate, but her eyes say it’s okay.
“Just made out.”
Her laugh sounds like Styrofoam peanuts rubbing together. “That’s it?” I cringe, embarrassed and, for some reason, ashamed. “Really?”
“Geez, Kenzie. Yes, really. Was I supposed to have slept with him on the basement couch by now? He’s not even my boyfriend. And I’m supposed to . . .” My voice breaks off, and my eyes fill with tears. MacKenzie’s supposed to be the one who understands, even if she is much more chill about sex than I am. She’s supposed to be on my side.
“Whoa,” she says. “I didn’t mean you had to sleep with him. There are other things.”
I taste salt on my lips. “Well, thanks,” I say. “I didn’t realize .”
She puts her hand on my shoulder. “I’m not trying to make you upset. I’m just saying that it’s okay for things to progress. You might even like it.”
“What if I don’t want things to progress?” I ask.
She sighs. “Have you been talking to Veronica? Is that where all this prudey guilt is coming from?”
“No,” I snap. “I haven’t. And could you do me a favor and not bring Veronica into all of this?”
MacKenzie thinks Veronica is all uptight about sex because in a moment of extreme un-Veronica-ness, she essentially called MacKenzie a slut in the middle of the cafeteria. I’d skipped our standing Friday movie date for a party with MacKenzie, and Veronica was fuming at lunch on Monday. “So you’re going to start sleeping your way to the top of the East Bonneville food chain, too? You never gave a shit about any of this stuff until the fabulous MacKenzie came along.”
It was a seriously crappy thing to say to MacKenzie. But it was also crappy of us to exclude her. I should have followed her out of the cafeteria, told her I was sorry. Instead, I sat stock-still as Veronica grabbed her lunch and stomped away, not looking back once. After that, she went back to the edge of the cafeteria, sat with a bunch of girls from one of our AP classes who she didn’t even like that much. And I just let it happen.
MacKenzie scoots closer to me on the bed, and Rocky hops up to join us. She can see she’s hurt me, and she softens her voice. “Listen, if you don’t want things to progress, they don’t have to. I’m just saying, if you wanted to, it’s really not that big of a deal.”
“He said he would wait for me.” I wipe tears from my eyes and take short, quick breaths.
“And he will,” MacKenzie says, an upbeat note in her voice. “I’m only saying that there’s nothing to be afraid of. You guys should be enjoying each other. You’re young . . . and beautiful . . . and soon to be boyfriend-girlfriend!”
I scratch behind Rocky’s ears. “You absolutely do not know that.”
MacKenzie ignores my negativity, gives me a hug. “It’ll be fine. I promise.”
But as I reach for a box of tissues, I’m not quite sure I believe her.
J ASON DISAPPEARS SOMEWHERE between four o’clock and dinner, when I’m up in my room, taking a crack at my summer reading, and pretending his truck’s not even there. Heart of Darkness is confusing enough when your brain isn’t constantly flitting to the whereabouts of your old best friend/sister’s mortal enemy/etc. . . .
I can tell something’s up with Mom not two minutes into dinner. She cuts her steak with sharp quick movements, hacking at it like it’s her nemesis. She’s got something on her mind, and she’s begging for one of us to ask.
“Easy there, the cow’s already dead, Genevieve,” Dad says
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