I was seeing double. I wasn’t going to be able to make it home.
I drew my wallet, found the card, and pulled out my phone. I misdialed twice. I wiped sweat from my eyes.
A lovely voice answered. I tried to respond but the blood kept running and filled my mouth. I rolled down the window and spit streams onto the asphalt.
“Hello?” she said. “Hello?”
“This is Terrier,” I said. “The guy who’s not like the rest. That’s true, you know. I’m worse. I’m much worse. But I really need your help.”
“Where are you?” shC;You know I d
She helped me out of my car and into hers, straining under my weight while my blood smeared her hands. She laid me in the backseat and put a folded sweater under my head. I stretched out gagging in pain, holding the plastic Schlagel’s bag full of beauty products tight to my belly. I wondered where the baby seat was.
I passed out and came to on my feet, taking stairs slowly. She had an arm around me, tight on the broken rib. I went, “Nghh.” She let me go and I clung to a freshly stained handrail.
She said, “Are you okay to keep going?”
I said, “Nghh.” I might have been trying to say
I love you
. I might have been trying to say
I hate you
. I might have been trying to say
I give up on you. I want to give up on you, but I can’t
. Call that what you like. Call me what you like.
Her fingers grazed the side of my face. We stumbled up the cramped staircase to the second floor. She unlocked a door and shoved it open. The smell of moldy, acidifying paper sneaked in under the stink of my own blood.
“Here, take these. Drink this.”
She stuck a couple pills on my tongue and pressed a tall glass of water against my teeth. The pain flared again and I sputtered and gagged. I heard both pills go bouncing over the tile across the room. She placed two more in my mouth.
“Try again.”
I managed to get some water down this time. I knew the Donepezil wouldn’t save me or my old man. Nothing had helped Gramp retain his personality, nothing had kept Grey from going crazy. Nosane thought had entered my brother’s head to stay his hand from killing old ladies and children during his spree. Meds, what the hell was the point. They wouldn’t help you hold on to your memories. You had to run them over in your head again and again, dig them in deep, hide them in the layers and folds of every aspect of your life. I had to live in the moment and live in the past.
I had to remember.
I couldn’t allow myself to ever forget.
I thought, Intimate Clinical Strength Antiperspirant and Deodorant Advanced Lady Solid Speed Stick, Light and Fresh pH-Balanced.
I turned and hip-checked a three-foot tower of poorly stacked hardbacks. I muttered “Sorry,” and stooped to pick everything up. My skull rang four times like some bastard leaning on a doorbell, and then a spray of colors leaped across my eyes.
It wasn’t until she had me in the shower lathered up that I realized it wasn’t in a bikini and high heels. at the Q Kimmy at all. Darla was under the nozzle, kissing me softly, saying my name, and I was saying Kimmy’s.
Between my feet heavily pink water circled the drain. I wasn’t sure if I was awake or even alive anymore. Most of the pain was gone and I was high on something. Felt like Percocet. That’s what she’d fed me.
On the rim of the bathtub was the open bottle of my sister’s Cool Sea Breeze. Darla pushed forward and pressed me against the shower wall. She said, “You’re back, aren’t you?”
“I think so. Mostly.”
I stared at her gorgeous body and became aroused. She let out a throaty giggle and used her hands on me. I felt an intense shame for some reason I couldn’t explain and looked away.
“It’s all right,” she said, nuzzling me. “It’s okay.” She pecked at my bottom lip. With her makeup washed away she looked much younger than before, innocent, even chaste.
“What happened?” I asked. “What have I been doing? What have I been
I drew my wallet, found the card, and pulled out my phone. I misdialed twice. I wiped sweat from my eyes.
A lovely voice answered. I tried to respond but the blood kept running and filled my mouth. I rolled down the window and spit streams onto the asphalt.
“Hello?” she said. “Hello?”
“This is Terrier,” I said. “The guy who’s not like the rest. That’s true, you know. I’m worse. I’m much worse. But I really need your help.”
“Where are you?” shC;You know I d
She helped me out of my car and into hers, straining under my weight while my blood smeared her hands. She laid me in the backseat and put a folded sweater under my head. I stretched out gagging in pain, holding the plastic Schlagel’s bag full of beauty products tight to my belly. I wondered where the baby seat was.
I passed out and came to on my feet, taking stairs slowly. She had an arm around me, tight on the broken rib. I went, “Nghh.” She let me go and I clung to a freshly stained handrail.
She said, “Are you okay to keep going?”
I said, “Nghh.” I might have been trying to say
I love you
. I might have been trying to say
I hate you
. I might have been trying to say
I give up on you. I want to give up on you, but I can’t
. Call that what you like. Call me what you like.
Her fingers grazed the side of my face. We stumbled up the cramped staircase to the second floor. She unlocked a door and shoved it open. The smell of moldy, acidifying paper sneaked in under the stink of my own blood.
“Here, take these. Drink this.”
She stuck a couple pills on my tongue and pressed a tall glass of water against my teeth. The pain flared again and I sputtered and gagged. I heard both pills go bouncing over the tile across the room. She placed two more in my mouth.
“Try again.”
I managed to get some water down this time. I knew the Donepezil wouldn’t save me or my old man. Nothing had helped Gramp retain his personality, nothing had kept Grey from going crazy. Nosane thought had entered my brother’s head to stay his hand from killing old ladies and children during his spree. Meds, what the hell was the point. They wouldn’t help you hold on to your memories. You had to run them over in your head again and again, dig them in deep, hide them in the layers and folds of every aspect of your life. I had to live in the moment and live in the past.
I had to remember.
I couldn’t allow myself to ever forget.
I thought, Intimate Clinical Strength Antiperspirant and Deodorant Advanced Lady Solid Speed Stick, Light and Fresh pH-Balanced.
I turned and hip-checked a three-foot tower of poorly stacked hardbacks. I muttered “Sorry,” and stooped to pick everything up. My skull rang four times like some bastard leaning on a doorbell, and then a spray of colors leaped across my eyes.
It wasn’t until she had me in the shower lathered up that I realized it wasn’t in a bikini and high heels. at the Q Kimmy at all. Darla was under the nozzle, kissing me softly, saying my name, and I was saying Kimmy’s.
Between my feet heavily pink water circled the drain. I wasn’t sure if I was awake or even alive anymore. Most of the pain was gone and I was high on something. Felt like Percocet. That’s what she’d fed me.
On the rim of the bathtub was the open bottle of my sister’s Cool Sea Breeze. Darla pushed forward and pressed me against the shower wall. She said, “You’re back, aren’t you?”
“I think so. Mostly.”
I stared at her gorgeous body and became aroused. She let out a throaty giggle and used her hands on me. I felt an intense shame for some reason I couldn’t explain and looked away.
“It’s all right,” she said, nuzzling me. “It’s okay.” She pecked at my bottom lip. With her makeup washed away she looked much younger than before, innocent, even chaste.
“What happened?” I asked. “What have I been doing? What have I been
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