took a moment for his words to sink in. When they finally filtered through my misfiring synapses, I said, ‘You’re kidding, right?’
‘For God’s sake, Emmy. You’re standing here watching me pack. Does it look like I’m kidding?’
I stared at him, wide-eyed with disbelief. I’d lain awake for two nights trying to find the heart to forgive him his indiscretion, worrying about how we could patch things up, wondering whether we were worth it. And he was planning to just jack it all in?
‘That’s it? No discussion?’
His mechanical folding and arranging faltered. I couldn’t understand how he could pack with the same precision with which he approached his working life, whilst telling his partner of five years that he was leaving her. ‘What’s the point?’
Unwanted tears rolled down my cheeks. I brushed them away with the hem of my T-shirt. ‘But that was why I wanted us to have a holiday – to discuss things, to try to make things better!’
Nathan shrugged – a gesture of indifferent finality. ‘Well, the holiday served its purpose. We tried, but let’s face it, it’s no good.’
‘Tried? Tried what? You must be joking!’ Anger rose in my throat to choke me, and droplets of saliva shot in his direction as I fought to fire the words out. ‘ I tried. I suggested this holiday and made all the arrangements. You only went along with it for an easy life. We argued all the way here, spent half the week barely speaking to each other – as usual – and then you slept with someone else’s wife. You call that trying? You lazy, emotionally-stunted bastard!’
As I fought to catch my breath, I searched his face for any clue as to why he was doing this. I just couldn’t get my head around how swiftly everything had deteriorated.
Then I heard the distant clatter of heels, and a wave of nausea and realisation swept over me.
‘You’re not going alone.’ It was a statement, not a question. I’d never been so sickeningly sure of anything in my life.
Nathan stared at the toe of his shoe. ‘No. Gloria and I are going together. She’s leaving Rupert and... We’re going together. Somewhere. For a while.’
He looked like a confused teenager, determined to stick to the path of rebellion he’d embarked on while perhaps already beginning to regret it. The brief flicker of sympathy that flashed through me faded as fast as it came. I hoped he damned well would regret it. It was one thing to be asked for a trial separation because you both needed a bit of space. It was quite another to be left for a woman substantially older than you, with bleached roots and impractical footwear and spider-mascara.
‘You’re leaving me for Gloria ?’
‘Yes. Well, no. What I mean is, I’m leaving because things between you and me aren’t working. Neither is Gloria’s marriage. Obviously. So it seems logical to go together. But not because of each other. If you see what I mean.’
‘Bloody hell, Nathan, how many times did you rehearse that?’ I suspected he had no idea what he wanted – that Gloria was merely a catalyst, and he was being carried along by the excitement of taking action for a change. ‘You know you have no future with her, don’t you?’
His rebellion sparked back. ‘That’s not fair, Em. You don’t know that. Besides, we haven’t thought that far ahead. But with due respect, I can’t see a future with you at the moment, either.’
He had me there. I couldn’t imagine how we would ever claw back from this. To think I’d been almost pleased yesterday, when he’d said he wanted time to think things over. I’d hoped he felt some remorse – that he was willing to find a way to put things back together between us. But no. He’d been planning his departure with Gloria.
I was tired of shouting. Tired of listening. Tired of caring. Who was this man? The man I’d once thought sweet and handsome and romantic, the man I’d thought would be my best friend and lover for a lifetime? He
‘For God’s sake, Emmy. You’re standing here watching me pack. Does it look like I’m kidding?’
I stared at him, wide-eyed with disbelief. I’d lain awake for two nights trying to find the heart to forgive him his indiscretion, worrying about how we could patch things up, wondering whether we were worth it. And he was planning to just jack it all in?
‘That’s it? No discussion?’
His mechanical folding and arranging faltered. I couldn’t understand how he could pack with the same precision with which he approached his working life, whilst telling his partner of five years that he was leaving her. ‘What’s the point?’
Unwanted tears rolled down my cheeks. I brushed them away with the hem of my T-shirt. ‘But that was why I wanted us to have a holiday – to discuss things, to try to make things better!’
Nathan shrugged – a gesture of indifferent finality. ‘Well, the holiday served its purpose. We tried, but let’s face it, it’s no good.’
‘Tried? Tried what? You must be joking!’ Anger rose in my throat to choke me, and droplets of saliva shot in his direction as I fought to fire the words out. ‘ I tried. I suggested this holiday and made all the arrangements. You only went along with it for an easy life. We argued all the way here, spent half the week barely speaking to each other – as usual – and then you slept with someone else’s wife. You call that trying? You lazy, emotionally-stunted bastard!’
As I fought to catch my breath, I searched his face for any clue as to why he was doing this. I just couldn’t get my head around how swiftly everything had deteriorated.
Then I heard the distant clatter of heels, and a wave of nausea and realisation swept over me.
‘You’re not going alone.’ It was a statement, not a question. I’d never been so sickeningly sure of anything in my life.
Nathan stared at the toe of his shoe. ‘No. Gloria and I are going together. She’s leaving Rupert and... We’re going together. Somewhere. For a while.’
He looked like a confused teenager, determined to stick to the path of rebellion he’d embarked on while perhaps already beginning to regret it. The brief flicker of sympathy that flashed through me faded as fast as it came. I hoped he damned well would regret it. It was one thing to be asked for a trial separation because you both needed a bit of space. It was quite another to be left for a woman substantially older than you, with bleached roots and impractical footwear and spider-mascara.
‘You’re leaving me for Gloria ?’
‘Yes. Well, no. What I mean is, I’m leaving because things between you and me aren’t working. Neither is Gloria’s marriage. Obviously. So it seems logical to go together. But not because of each other. If you see what I mean.’
‘Bloody hell, Nathan, how many times did you rehearse that?’ I suspected he had no idea what he wanted – that Gloria was merely a catalyst, and he was being carried along by the excitement of taking action for a change. ‘You know you have no future with her, don’t you?’
His rebellion sparked back. ‘That’s not fair, Em. You don’t know that. Besides, we haven’t thought that far ahead. But with due respect, I can’t see a future with you at the moment, either.’
He had me there. I couldn’t imagine how we would ever claw back from this. To think I’d been almost pleased yesterday, when he’d said he wanted time to think things over. I’d hoped he felt some remorse – that he was willing to find a way to put things back together between us. But no. He’d been planning his departure with Gloria.
I was tired of shouting. Tired of listening. Tired of caring. Who was this man? The man I’d once thought sweet and handsome and romantic, the man I’d thought would be my best friend and lover for a lifetime? He
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