she seemed to be improving. It was Lilly who finally brought up Adam.
It was about six months later, in one of her sessions. âWe think weâre free,â she said, âbut weâre not. Weâre the product of every association weâve ever made, and sometimes of ones we inherited from people we never even knew.â
âThatâs very profound,â Zee said.
âSo you agree?â
âIt doesnât matter whether I agree or disagree. What matters is what you think.â
âI just told you what I think.â
âSo you did,â Zee said.
Lilly made a face.
âWhat?â Zee said.
âDid you ever want to get out of something but you didnât know how?â
âWhat is it you want to get out of?â
âJust about everything right about now,â Lilly said.
âWhy donât you tell me the specifics, and Iâll see if I can help you work through it,â Zee suggested.
âMy marriage, for one,â Lilly said.
âWhy do you want to get out of your marriage?â
âI feel as if William set up this elaborate trap for me and made it look all pretty, and I just fell into it,â Lilly said.
âAnd now you want to free yourself from the trap?â
âYes.â Lilly looked at Zee. âYou donât approve.â
âIt doesnât matter whether I approve.â
âBut you donât.â
âI didnât say that. People get divorces. No judgment,â Zee said.
âSo youâre saying itâs okay?â
âDo you think itâs okay?â
âI have two children,â Lilly said.
âYes, you do.â
âI feel like Iâm dying,â Lilly said.
âLetâs explore that,â Zee said.
Lilly said nothing.
âIn what way do you feel like youâre dying?â Zee asked.
âNot dying. Trapped. I canât leave because of the children. And I canât stay.â
âI understand feeling as if you canât leave. Why do you feel you canât stay?â Zee said.
âItâs not safe,â she said.
âAre we talking about Adam?â
âItâs not Adam. Adam is wonderful,â Lilly said.
âAre you telling me you want to be with Adam?â Zee asked.
Lilly looked confused for a moment. âNo, I never said that.â
âWhy do you feel unsafe?â Zee asked again.
âI donât want to talk about this anymore,â she said. âIâm sorry I brought it up.â
âIâm glad you brought it up. If you feel unsafe in any way, I need to know about it,â Zee said.
âI told him what you said. That I should get away from him.â
âWeâre talking about Adam now,â Zee said.
Lilly hesitated for a second. âYes. Adam.â
âAdam whom you just described as wonderful.â
âIâm so confused.â Lilly started to cry.
âItâs okay,â Zee said.
Lilly clearly looked frightened.
âAnd what did Adam say when you told him that?â Zee asked.
âHe said that you were a bitch and someone should teach you to mind your own business,â Lilly said. âThose were his exact words.â
It took Zee by surprise. She sat for a moment trying to figure out how to put what she needed to say next. Finally she leaned forward. âThere is no need for you to be afraid of this man,â Zee said. âThere are things you can do.â
âLike what?â
âLike a restraining order, for one thing,â Zee said. âIf heâs harassing you, we can go get a court order making him stay away from you.â
âThen William would find out,â Lilly said.
âProbably,â Zee said.
âI canât do that,â Lilly said. She couldnât stay seated but got up and stood nervously by her chair.
âDid Adam threaten you in any way?â
âI donât want to talk about this anymore.â
âDid he
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