The Map of True Places by Brunonia Barry Page B

she seemed to be improving. It was Lilly who finally brought up Adam.
    It was about six months later, in one of her sessions. “We think we’re free,” she said, “but we’re not. We’re the product of every association we’ve ever made, and sometimes of ones we inherited from people we never even knew.”
    â€œThat’s very profound,” Zee said.
    â€œSo you agree?”
    â€œIt doesn’t matter whether I agree or disagree. What matters is what you think.”
    â€œI just told you what I think.”
    â€œSo you did,” Zee said.
    Lilly made a face.
    â€œWhat?” Zee said.
    â€œDid you ever want to get out of something but you didn’t know how?”
    â€œWhat is it you want to get out of?”
    â€œJust about everything right about now,” Lilly said.
    â€œWhy don’t you tell me the specifics, and I’ll see if I can help you work through it,” Zee suggested.
    â€œMy marriage, for one,” Lilly said.
    â€œWhy do you want to get out of your marriage?”
    â€œI feel as if William set up this elaborate trap for me and made it look all pretty, and I just fell into it,” Lilly said.
    â€œAnd now you want to free yourself from the trap?”
    â€œYes.” Lilly looked at Zee. “You don’t approve.”
    â€œIt doesn’t matter whether I approve.”
    â€œBut you don’t.”
    â€œI didn’t say that. People get divorces. No judgment,” Zee said.
    â€œSo you’re saying it’s okay?”
    â€œDo you think it’s okay?”
    â€œI have two children,” Lilly said.
    â€œYes, you do.”
    â€œI feel like I’m dying,” Lilly said.
    â€œLet’s explore that,” Zee said.
    Lilly said nothing.
    â€œIn what way do you feel like you’re dying?” Zee asked.
    â€œNot dying. Trapped. I can’t leave because of the children. And I can’t stay.”
    â€œI understand feeling as if you can’t leave. Why do you feel you can’t stay?” Zee said.
    â€œIt’s not safe,” she said.
    â€œAre we talking about Adam?”
    â€œIt’s not Adam. Adam is wonderful,” Lilly said.
    â€œAre you telling me you want to be with Adam?” Zee asked.
    Lilly looked confused for a moment. “No, I never said that.”
    â€œWhy do you feel unsafe?” Zee asked again.
    â€œI don’t want to talk about this anymore,” she said. “I’m sorry I brought it up.”
    â€œI’m glad you brought it up. If you feel unsafe in any way, I need to know about it,” Zee said.
    â€œI told him what you said. That I should get away from him.”
    â€œWe’re talking about Adam now,” Zee said.
    Lilly hesitated for a second. “Yes. Adam.”
    â€œAdam whom you just described as wonderful.”
    â€œI’m so confused.” Lilly started to cry.
    â€œIt’s okay,” Zee said.
    Lilly clearly looked frightened.
    â€œAnd what did Adam say when you told him that?” Zee asked.
    â€œHe said that you were a bitch and someone should teach you to mind your own business,” Lilly said. “Those were his exact words.”
    It took Zee by surprise. She sat for a moment trying to figure out how to put what she needed to say next. Finally she leaned forward. “There is no need for you to be afraid of this man,” Zee said. “There are things you can do.”
    â€œLike what?”
    â€œLike a restraining order, for one thing,” Zee said. “If he’s harassing you, we can go get a court order making him stay away from you.”
    â€œThen William would find out,” Lilly said.
    â€œProbably,” Zee said.
    â€œI can’t do that,” Lilly said. She couldn’t stay seated but got up and stood nervously by her chair.
    â€œDid Adam threaten you in any way?”
    â€œI don’t want to talk about this anymore.”
    â€œDid he