stares.
“Right?”
C’mon. I need you in this moment. He nods.
“Say it.”
“Right.”
I look at the way he’s holding the cutter. Not sure if there’s a right way and a wrong way.
“Cut just enough to get your hand in.”
He’s looking at my massive white belly hanging over the gravel. He looks sick.
“Hang on. I should swallow some antibiotics. Pass the box.”
There’s amoxicillin and tetracycline . . . I take three of each, let them turn to paste, then swallow them.
“You’ll have to flush my guts with the hose. Quick though. Like, seconds. That alone’s probably gonna kill me.”
Y squats in front of me. He is very pale.
“Staple it up when you’re done. I don’t know how aware I’m gonna be.”
I tap the underside of my belly and give Y a quick shallow nod.
“Don’t pull the skin. Let the blade lead the way.”
He presses the point against my skin. A bright pain.
“C’mon. Get in there. That hurts.”
I feel a hot throb and the piercing pain stops. He slides the knife across. It feels like fabric separating.
“Deeper, Y. You gotta reach the stomach.”
He drives it in and I feel a blunt pulse until—pop. The stomach wall.
“That’s it.”
It feels like the claw of a cat drawing a line inside. He stops.
“What’s happening?”
Y is staring down.
“Nothing. Hardly any blood even.”
“Do it again. Same place.”
This time I feel no pain, just a bubbling sensation in my lower back. I can hear splashing on the ground between my feet.
“Okay. Okay. Squeeze that stuff out.”
Y’ s forehead on my chest while he milks the mucous from my torso.
“Good enough. Go in. Stick your hand in.”
I look down and see Y’s hand disappear into my stomach.”
“Look for it. Something loose. Squishy. Don’t pull on anything attached.”
Uh-oh. Okay. World of wonders. Goodbye.
EDITOR’S NOTE:
The following chapter is encoded. The code however is not available for this publication and will appear in H.A.M.S. Lesson 4. The publisher’s objection to this gimmick is on record.
H.A.M.S. and egg.
shirley.
Not wanting to die is hardwired into every living thing. Part of the dynamic. You remove that and there’s not much more than a couple crazy days left. I don’t want to die. I know exactly what will happen when I do. I’ll be up there. Right there. Less happy. Naked. In full view of the universe. No. I can’t die.
I am unconscious for three weeks. No dreams. No fitful awakenings. Just an anvil-heavy black. My starless mind. My thinking started up rapidly however. I knew I was surfacing as I did, and it
was
surfacing, I could feel my arms break the top. My face pulled up. Warmth and light and buzzing.
We are in the walk-in clinic. I am on couch in a quiet room. A picture of the inner ear.
I lay my hand on my stomach. I can feel the bones in my back. I look down, my wrists and hands sit up like mantis limbs. Thin bones and crispy yellow skin.
The door opens. Y sees me. Stops.
“You’re awake. Okay. We gotta go. Now.”
Y lowers me carefully into the passenger seat of a red Toyota in the clinic driveway.
I find I can’t move and breathe at the same time. I have no strength to ask what is happening.
There are five bodies on the road. A heavy wire has been strung through their temples and fixed to lamp standards. They hang like blood candles.
“They’re doing pick-ups starting past the Foodland. We can miss them if we stick to Warrington all the way out. They see someone alive they’ll kill us and throw us in. These guys.”
Y is driving. He’s big for thirteen. I remember he said he was thirteen. There is grey in the bristles on his chin. An arrangement of bodies on a lawn. Each has another’s genitals in their mouths. They move in small shakes.
“The Seller got everybody.”
A hydro tower. There are at least a hundred people on a long rope, like fish on a stringer. There are random flips of tails and clapping gills. Blood in a bathtub dragged
“Right?”
C’mon. I need you in this moment. He nods.
“Say it.”
“Right.”
I look at the way he’s holding the cutter. Not sure if there’s a right way and a wrong way.
“Cut just enough to get your hand in.”
He’s looking at my massive white belly hanging over the gravel. He looks sick.
“Hang on. I should swallow some antibiotics. Pass the box.”
There’s amoxicillin and tetracycline . . . I take three of each, let them turn to paste, then swallow them.
“You’ll have to flush my guts with the hose. Quick though. Like, seconds. That alone’s probably gonna kill me.”
Y squats in front of me. He is very pale.
“Staple it up when you’re done. I don’t know how aware I’m gonna be.”
I tap the underside of my belly and give Y a quick shallow nod.
“Don’t pull the skin. Let the blade lead the way.”
He presses the point against my skin. A bright pain.
“C’mon. Get in there. That hurts.”
I feel a hot throb and the piercing pain stops. He slides the knife across. It feels like fabric separating.
“Deeper, Y. You gotta reach the stomach.”
He drives it in and I feel a blunt pulse until—pop. The stomach wall.
“That’s it.”
It feels like the claw of a cat drawing a line inside. He stops.
“What’s happening?”
Y is staring down.
“Nothing. Hardly any blood even.”
“Do it again. Same place.”
This time I feel no pain, just a bubbling sensation in my lower back. I can hear splashing on the ground between my feet.
“Okay. Okay. Squeeze that stuff out.”
Y’ s forehead on my chest while he milks the mucous from my torso.
“Good enough. Go in. Stick your hand in.”
I look down and see Y’s hand disappear into my stomach.”
“Look for it. Something loose. Squishy. Don’t pull on anything attached.”
Uh-oh. Okay. World of wonders. Goodbye.
EDITOR’S NOTE:
The following chapter is encoded. The code however is not available for this publication and will appear in H.A.M.S. Lesson 4. The publisher’s objection to this gimmick is on record.
H.A.M.S. and egg.
shirley.
Not wanting to die is hardwired into every living thing. Part of the dynamic. You remove that and there’s not much more than a couple crazy days left. I don’t want to die. I know exactly what will happen when I do. I’ll be up there. Right there. Less happy. Naked. In full view of the universe. No. I can’t die.
I am unconscious for three weeks. No dreams. No fitful awakenings. Just an anvil-heavy black. My starless mind. My thinking started up rapidly however. I knew I was surfacing as I did, and it
was
surfacing, I could feel my arms break the top. My face pulled up. Warmth and light and buzzing.
We are in the walk-in clinic. I am on couch in a quiet room. A picture of the inner ear.
I lay my hand on my stomach. I can feel the bones in my back. I look down, my wrists and hands sit up like mantis limbs. Thin bones and crispy yellow skin.
The door opens. Y sees me. Stops.
“You’re awake. Okay. We gotta go. Now.”
Y lowers me carefully into the passenger seat of a red Toyota in the clinic driveway.
I find I can’t move and breathe at the same time. I have no strength to ask what is happening.
There are five bodies on the road. A heavy wire has been strung through their temples and fixed to lamp standards. They hang like blood candles.
“They’re doing pick-ups starting past the Foodland. We can miss them if we stick to Warrington all the way out. They see someone alive they’ll kill us and throw us in. These guys.”
Y is driving. He’s big for thirteen. I remember he said he was thirteen. There is grey in the bristles on his chin. An arrangement of bodies on a lawn. Each has another’s genitals in their mouths. They move in small shakes.
“The Seller got everybody.”
A hydro tower. There are at least a hundred people on a long rope, like fish on a stringer. There are random flips of tails and clapping gills. Blood in a bathtub dragged
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