the rewind button, then the pause button, it wasnât as simple as castoff equipment. Iâve peeled out of I donât know how many sunglasses and gloves and jerseys while riding, because I didnât have time to dispose of them properly, but needed the ounce or two theyâd free me of.
What got me to hit the stop button was the color pattern on the elastic band.
It was from a company that had been defunct since my junior year of college.
And these glasses, they werenât for the sun. They were clear. The kind you wear when riding at night, when what you need is a gnat-shield, goggles to keep you from tearing up, to keep the world from blurring away.
And they were ten years old, at least. They had to be.
I ate my turkey from the bag and I kept those clear glasses paused on the screen. Just watching them.
*Â Â Â *Â Â Â *
My twenty-year-old self would have been disgusted, but when it started drizzling at five in the afternoon, and I was scheduled to meet the two new bussers twenty minutes before dinner prepâsixâI accepted the ride downtown Glenda next door was offering. She asked after Doreen, said it had been too long since weâd been over for drinks. I agreed.
Because she saw how Iâd tried to shield my newly spotless bike from the water, loading it into her Hondaâs hatchback, she backed up between the restaurantâs dumpsters for me.
I grabbed my roll of knives and told her to drop in this week, tell the hostess she was my guest and, once again, she said she might just do that, thanks. Did she know Doreen was gone? Was this a game we were playing? I didnât know, but it was too late to stop.
I nosed my bike into the space past the line of coat hooks, chained it to the handrail like always. The components alone are probably two grandâall Campy, all high-endâand, while Iâd like to think restaurant staff are good people, I also consider myself something of a realist.
Only one of the bussers showed up for my hands-on training. I should have gone easy on him, repaid his loyalty or discipline or stupidity or whatever it was, but instead I just heaped all the attitude and scorn I had on him, and told myself that this is how it is for everyone, starting out in the kitchen. Youâre tough or youâre gone. If I was chasing him off with this, then I was doing him a favor.
He must have needed the work.
The three times I came out to talk to tablesâthe first was someone Iâd worked with years ago but wasnât thrilled to see, and the other two were first dates showing off their food IQ, but masking it as simpering complaintsâI made sure to linger long enough to see whether the groups huddled on the wrong side of the hostess podium were glittering with raindrops or not.
Iâd left my bike at the restaurant overnight a few times before, either hitched a ride home with a server or manager or just cabbed it, but I wanted to get out and stretch tonight, if possible. Judging by my second two trips out to the dining roomâdry shoulders from the hostess podium crowdâit just might be possible. Granted, there would be puddles, a slick spot or two, and my bike would need another thorough rubdown once I got home. But the wind in my face would make it worth it. It always did.
And, after a rain, the paths and bike lanes are usually devoid of traffic, completely lifeless. All mine.
Coach used to always tell us to choose our line, to stay focused on that, to not look anywhere else but the direction youâre going.
It was advice that worked in the kitchen as well.
The line I could see ahead of me, it led past cleanup, out the back door, down the bike lane for half a mile before swooping and banking onto the path for nearly three glorious, empty miles.
*Â Â Â *Â Â Â *
In the alley at two in the morning, my clothes steamed at first. It always made me feel like I was just touching down in this strange atmosphere, my
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