left, so that’s when I ask him.
—Is it true that there is a pill that ladies can take to stop them having babies? You take one every day from a little packet that’s green and has twenty-one little tiny pills in and you keep them in a secret place?
He looks at me like I’m Wacko Boy.
—Yes, Louis, there is. It’s called the contraceptive pill. Why do you ask?
—I just wanted to know. It was a bet.
—With someone at school?
—Monsieur Zidane, my teacher. I say there’s a pill to stop babies coming, and he says there isn’t.
He thinks for a minute.
—Might you be swallowing these pills you found, Louis?
And then I pretend to think for a minute, too. Think, think, think. And then I do another mouth click.
—I might be. What happens if you do?
Maman says that children need rules and they need certainty. Children should be told the truth. Children should tell the truth too, they should always tell doctors the truth about how they had their accident. They should never make up stories just to make things look dramatic and impress people. You wouldn’t believe how hard it is to be the parent of an accident-prone child. Your heart’s in your mouth the whole time. Adults do bad things sometimes. If an adult does a bad thing to you, you should tell another adult, one that you can trust. I’ll always be here for you, Lou-Lou. I’m sitting by your bed right now, and when I squeeze your hand like this, maybe you can feel it .
—You don’t have to listen to her, says Gustave. —You can switch her off. Tell me more of your story, Young Sir.
—There was a thing that happened one day.
—Where?
—Disneyland Resort Paris.
It’s winter. On the Weather it said this morning’s average temperature is twelve degrees centigrade and this afternoon it will increase to fifteen but there will be winds gusting in from the south to meet the low pressure over northern France. This means a 65 per cent risk of showers tomorrow and Monday so don’t forget your umbrella. Disneyland Resort Paris used to be called EuroDisney. But the Euro bit didn’t work, Papa says. Only the Disney did. So they got rid of Euro and called it Disneyland Paris and then they said how about calling it Disneyland Resort Paris instead and letting you drink alcohol. And then abracadabra, people came flocking because it says in the brochure it’s an enchanted realm with lots of kingdoms especially Discoveryland with Space Mountain and its unique sensations. It’s a magic dream that’s ideal for the whole family , even if you’re not really a family, just a mum and dad and a boy with a hamster. Me and Papa came on the TGV from Lyon and we’re staying in the Hotel Santa Fe for the whole weekend giving Maman and Mohammed a rest because we are both men and sometimes men can be too much of a good thing at a weekend and give you a headache.
In Adventureland, the brochure says, you can wander through the oriental bazaar from the world of Aladdin, soak up its exotic atmosphere and follow the rhythm of the bongos to the heart of the Caribbean , so we do that with Christmas decorations everywhere and Papa carries me on his shoulders for a while even though I’m too big and heavy. The World of Aladdin’s full of someone’s popcorn accident so we start queuing up in the cold for the giant tree from Swiss Family Robinson on Adventure Isle. They were a family that got stranded on a tropical island and they had to make a house in a tree. We’re just starting to climb the stairs when a lady’s voice says —Pierre? Is it you?
And straight away I can feel Papa’s hand go tight over mine, like she’s going to steal me or something. He puts the other hand on my shoulder and we stop, we don’t go up the stairs. The lady’s with a man and they have two Chinese girls, younger than me, who look like twins and a fat
—Is it true that there is a pill that ladies can take to stop them having babies? You take one every day from a little packet that’s green and has twenty-one little tiny pills in and you keep them in a secret place?
He looks at me like I’m Wacko Boy.
—Yes, Louis, there is. It’s called the contraceptive pill. Why do you ask?
—I just wanted to know. It was a bet.
—With someone at school?
—Monsieur Zidane, my teacher. I say there’s a pill to stop babies coming, and he says there isn’t.
He thinks for a minute.
—Might you be swallowing these pills you found, Louis?
And then I pretend to think for a minute, too. Think, think, think. And then I do another mouth click.
—I might be. What happens if you do?
Maman says that children need rules and they need certainty. Children should be told the truth. Children should tell the truth too, they should always tell doctors the truth about how they had their accident. They should never make up stories just to make things look dramatic and impress people. You wouldn’t believe how hard it is to be the parent of an accident-prone child. Your heart’s in your mouth the whole time. Adults do bad things sometimes. If an adult does a bad thing to you, you should tell another adult, one that you can trust. I’ll always be here for you, Lou-Lou. I’m sitting by your bed right now, and when I squeeze your hand like this, maybe you can feel it .
—You don’t have to listen to her, says Gustave. —You can switch her off. Tell me more of your story, Young Sir.
—There was a thing that happened one day.
—Where?
—Disneyland Resort Paris.
It’s winter. On the Weather it said this morning’s average temperature is twelve degrees centigrade and this afternoon it will increase to fifteen but there will be winds gusting in from the south to meet the low pressure over northern France. This means a 65 per cent risk of showers tomorrow and Monday so don’t forget your umbrella. Disneyland Resort Paris used to be called EuroDisney. But the Euro bit didn’t work, Papa says. Only the Disney did. So they got rid of Euro and called it Disneyland Paris and then they said how about calling it Disneyland Resort Paris instead and letting you drink alcohol. And then abracadabra, people came flocking because it says in the brochure it’s an enchanted realm with lots of kingdoms especially Discoveryland with Space Mountain and its unique sensations. It’s a magic dream that’s ideal for the whole family , even if you’re not really a family, just a mum and dad and a boy with a hamster. Me and Papa came on the TGV from Lyon and we’re staying in the Hotel Santa Fe for the whole weekend giving Maman and Mohammed a rest because we are both men and sometimes men can be too much of a good thing at a weekend and give you a headache.
In Adventureland, the brochure says, you can wander through the oriental bazaar from the world of Aladdin, soak up its exotic atmosphere and follow the rhythm of the bongos to the heart of the Caribbean , so we do that with Christmas decorations everywhere and Papa carries me on his shoulders for a while even though I’m too big and heavy. The World of Aladdin’s full of someone’s popcorn accident so we start queuing up in the cold for the giant tree from Swiss Family Robinson on Adventure Isle. They were a family that got stranded on a tropical island and they had to make a house in a tree. We’re just starting to climb the stairs when a lady’s voice says —Pierre? Is it you?
And straight away I can feel Papa’s hand go tight over mine, like she’s going to steal me or something. He puts the other hand on my shoulder and we stop, we don’t go up the stairs. The lady’s with a man and they have two Chinese girls, younger than me, who look like twins and a fat
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