which shocked Madame de Noailles, who I knew, was undoubtedly thinking that etiquette demanded I wait until someone came forward to conduct me to the King. It simply did not occur to me to wait. For three weeks I had been starved of affection, and this was my dear grandfather who, my mother assured me, would care for me and love me and be my friend. I believed that, and I wanted nothing so much as to throw myself into his arms and tell him how lonely I was.
A man was coming towards me—a very elegant man with a rosy laughing face which reminded me of a pug dog I had once had. I smiled at him as I ran past him. He seemed astonished but he was smiling too; and I discovered almost immediately afterwards that he was the much-talked-of Due de Choiseui whom the King had sent to bring me to him.
But I needed no one to take me to the King. I went straight to him and knelt.
He raised me up and kissed me on either cheek. He said:
“But … you are beautiful, my child.” His voice was melodious, far more beautiful than that of the Prince de Rohan; and his eyes were warm and friendly. “Your Majesty is gracious….” He laughed and held me against his magnificent coat which was decorated with the most beautiful gems I had ever seen. f “We are happy that you have come to us at last,” he went1 oh. , j When we looked into each other’s face and he smiled, I lost my fear and that hateful sense of loneliness. He was old but one did not think of age in his presence. Regal yetlj kind, his manners were perfect. I flushed remembering my. own imperfect French. I so wanted to please him. He embraced me again as though he really felt affectionate towards me. His eyes studied me intently from head to foot. 1 I did not know then of his penchant for young girls of my age but thought all this kindness, all this interest and flattering attention was because he had taken a particular fancy tt i me.
Then he turned his head slightly and a boy came for ward. He was tall and ungainly; he shifted his gaze from my face as though he were not the least bit interested in me, and his indifference, after the warmth of the King’s greeting struck me almost like a blow. The feelings he roused; in me were so mixed that I could not attempt to analyse them, for this was my husband. He was gorgeously dressed,!
but how different he looked from his grandfather! He did not seem to know what to do with his hands. The King said: “Madame la Dauphine honours and. delights us with her presence.” The boy looked sheepish and stood there saying nothing,! doing nothing except look at the tips of his boots. I thought8! I would break through his indifference ‘so I took a step closer js to him and held my face up to be kissed, for since the King had kissed me, why should I not kiss my bridegroom? He;
looked startled, recoiled, then made a move towards me as though he were forcing himself to some distasteful task. I felt his cheek against mine, but his lips did not touch my’s skin as the King’s had.
I turned to the King, and although he gave no sign that he thought the Dauphin’s conduct strange, I had always been quick to grasp people’s reactions, and I knew he was exasperated. I thought blankly: The Dauphin does not like me. Then I remembered Caroline who had cried so much because they had married her to an ugly old man. But I was neither old nor ugly. The King himself thought me charming;
most people thought me charming. Even old Kaunitz had thought there was nothing in my appearance to spoil the match.
The King had slipped his arm through mine and was presenting me to three of the strangest old ladies I had ever seen. These were my aunts, he told me: Adelaide, Victoire and Sophie. I thought them all very ugly indeed, but more than that—strange. They reminded me of the old witches in a play I had once seen. The eldest of them, who was obviously the leader, stood half a pace in front of the others; the second was plump and had the kindest face
A man was coming towards me—a very elegant man with a rosy laughing face which reminded me of a pug dog I had once had. I smiled at him as I ran past him. He seemed astonished but he was smiling too; and I discovered almost immediately afterwards that he was the much-talked-of Due de Choiseui whom the King had sent to bring me to him.
But I needed no one to take me to the King. I went straight to him and knelt.
He raised me up and kissed me on either cheek. He said:
“But … you are beautiful, my child.” His voice was melodious, far more beautiful than that of the Prince de Rohan; and his eyes were warm and friendly. “Your Majesty is gracious….” He laughed and held me against his magnificent coat which was decorated with the most beautiful gems I had ever seen. f “We are happy that you have come to us at last,” he went1 oh. , j When we looked into each other’s face and he smiled, I lost my fear and that hateful sense of loneliness. He was old but one did not think of age in his presence. Regal yetlj kind, his manners were perfect. I flushed remembering my. own imperfect French. I so wanted to please him. He embraced me again as though he really felt affectionate towards me. His eyes studied me intently from head to foot. 1 I did not know then of his penchant for young girls of my age but thought all this kindness, all this interest and flattering attention was because he had taken a particular fancy tt i me.
Then he turned his head slightly and a boy came for ward. He was tall and ungainly; he shifted his gaze from my face as though he were not the least bit interested in me, and his indifference, after the warmth of the King’s greeting struck me almost like a blow. The feelings he roused; in me were so mixed that I could not attempt to analyse them, for this was my husband. He was gorgeously dressed,!
but how different he looked from his grandfather! He did not seem to know what to do with his hands. The King said: “Madame la Dauphine honours and. delights us with her presence.” The boy looked sheepish and stood there saying nothing,! doing nothing except look at the tips of his boots. I thought8! I would break through his indifference ‘so I took a step closer js to him and held my face up to be kissed, for since the King had kissed me, why should I not kiss my bridegroom? He;
looked startled, recoiled, then made a move towards me as though he were forcing himself to some distasteful task. I felt his cheek against mine, but his lips did not touch my’s skin as the King’s had.
I turned to the King, and although he gave no sign that he thought the Dauphin’s conduct strange, I had always been quick to grasp people’s reactions, and I knew he was exasperated. I thought blankly: The Dauphin does not like me. Then I remembered Caroline who had cried so much because they had married her to an ugly old man. But I was neither old nor ugly. The King himself thought me charming;
most people thought me charming. Even old Kaunitz had thought there was nothing in my appearance to spoil the match.
The King had slipped his arm through mine and was presenting me to three of the strangest old ladies I had ever seen. These were my aunts, he told me: Adelaide, Victoire and Sophie. I thought them all very ugly indeed, but more than that—strange. They reminded me of the old witches in a play I had once seen. The eldest of them, who was obviously the leader, stood half a pace in front of the others; the second was plump and had the kindest face
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