subliminal suggestion … Names are funny things … I believe President Reagan had a spokesman called “Speakes”, didn’t he?’
‘Shall I buy this hat then?’ Once more Antonia was looking at her reflection in the mirror.
‘I think you should. It has the wow factor.’ Payne put his head to one side. ‘ Yes . You will be the queen of Sphinx Island. Facile princeps and ne plus ultra … Oswald Ramskritt and Doctor Klein will be impelled to fight a duel over you whereas John de Coverley will throw himself at your feet and beg to kiss the hem of your gown.’
‘I don’t intend to wear the hat on Sphinx Island.’
‘I think you should. It would be a mistake not to.’
‘Perhaps you should wear it,’ said Antonia. ‘It may deter you from saying one too many silly things?’
‘I think you should pump your copy-editor for more details regarding la Romany,’ Payne said. ‘Or would she consider bitching about the authors she is paid to serve unprofessional?’
‘I like the hat very much. I am going to buy it,’ Antonia turned to the shop assistant. ‘I am so terribly sorry. We’ve been keeping you waiting. We’ve been exceedingly thoughtless. You’ve been extremely patient.’
‘No, not at all, madam.’ The shop assistant gave a little bow and said that it had been a pleasure.
Antonia watched him place the hat in a luxurious box made of jade-green silk. ‘Hugh, would you –?’
‘Yes, of course, my love.’ Payne produced his wallet.
‘Thank you, sir.’ The shop assistant bowed again and asked whether there would be anything else he could do for them.
‘I hope you won’t think my question awfully peculiar,’ said Payne, ‘but are you at all familiar with what goes on at Murder Weekends?’
‘I attended a Murder Weekend once,’ said the shop assistant. ‘It took place at a very pleasant moat hotel in Surrey. It was my wife’s idea. We enjoyed the food and the view but not the actual detection.’
Antonia looked at him. ‘Oh? Why not?’
‘Some of our fellow participants indulged in noisy and frequently ill-natured disagreements. As a matter of fact, two ladies nearly came to blows over a bronze statuette representing a ruminative monkey. One lady insisted the monkey was a red herring, while the other argued that it was a clue.’
‘Which one was it?’
‘Neither. As it turned out, the bronze monkey played no part in the Murder Game. It was merely part of the hotel décor . It had been given to the manager as a present by a Nepalese tourist, as we subsequently discovered. The odd thing was that we’d convinced ourselves the two ladies were actresses and that the fracas was part of the script, which of course they were obliged to follow.’ The shop assistant shook his head. ‘People are so competitive.’
‘I don’t think we’ll have any competition where we are going,’ Payne said. ‘We believe we’ll be the only people who will have to guess whodunnit. You see, we strongly suspect the whole thing’s being staged for us and us alone as it is our tenth wedding anniversary.’
‘Your tenth wedding anniversary? May I offer you my warmest congratulations, sir – madam?’ The shop assistant bowed for the third time.
‘We may be wrong of course. It may prove to be – um – something completely different altogether.’
‘You aren’t by any chance contemplating the possibility of a real murder, sir? That ploy has been used in several books already, I believe. A Murder Game ending in real murder. Not a particularly original idea – if I may venture an opinion.’
‘Don’t you sometimes wish that we possessed the kind of temperament that has been described as “sublimely uninquisitive”?’ Antonia said as they left the shop and stood looking for a taxi.
‘No, never.’
‘We’d have been so much happier.’
‘I rather doubt it.’
‘Oh don’t let’s go, Hugh! Please . It’s bound to be an awful bore.’ She clutched at his arm. ‘Some
‘Shall I buy this hat then?’ Once more Antonia was looking at her reflection in the mirror.
‘I think you should. It has the wow factor.’ Payne put his head to one side. ‘ Yes . You will be the queen of Sphinx Island. Facile princeps and ne plus ultra … Oswald Ramskritt and Doctor Klein will be impelled to fight a duel over you whereas John de Coverley will throw himself at your feet and beg to kiss the hem of your gown.’
‘I don’t intend to wear the hat on Sphinx Island.’
‘I think you should. It would be a mistake not to.’
‘Perhaps you should wear it,’ said Antonia. ‘It may deter you from saying one too many silly things?’
‘I think you should pump your copy-editor for more details regarding la Romany,’ Payne said. ‘Or would she consider bitching about the authors she is paid to serve unprofessional?’
‘I like the hat very much. I am going to buy it,’ Antonia turned to the shop assistant. ‘I am so terribly sorry. We’ve been keeping you waiting. We’ve been exceedingly thoughtless. You’ve been extremely patient.’
‘No, not at all, madam.’ The shop assistant gave a little bow and said that it had been a pleasure.
Antonia watched him place the hat in a luxurious box made of jade-green silk. ‘Hugh, would you –?’
‘Yes, of course, my love.’ Payne produced his wallet.
‘Thank you, sir.’ The shop assistant bowed again and asked whether there would be anything else he could do for them.
‘I hope you won’t think my question awfully peculiar,’ said Payne, ‘but are you at all familiar with what goes on at Murder Weekends?’
‘I attended a Murder Weekend once,’ said the shop assistant. ‘It took place at a very pleasant moat hotel in Surrey. It was my wife’s idea. We enjoyed the food and the view but not the actual detection.’
Antonia looked at him. ‘Oh? Why not?’
‘Some of our fellow participants indulged in noisy and frequently ill-natured disagreements. As a matter of fact, two ladies nearly came to blows over a bronze statuette representing a ruminative monkey. One lady insisted the monkey was a red herring, while the other argued that it was a clue.’
‘Which one was it?’
‘Neither. As it turned out, the bronze monkey played no part in the Murder Game. It was merely part of the hotel décor . It had been given to the manager as a present by a Nepalese tourist, as we subsequently discovered. The odd thing was that we’d convinced ourselves the two ladies were actresses and that the fracas was part of the script, which of course they were obliged to follow.’ The shop assistant shook his head. ‘People are so competitive.’
‘I don’t think we’ll have any competition where we are going,’ Payne said. ‘We believe we’ll be the only people who will have to guess whodunnit. You see, we strongly suspect the whole thing’s being staged for us and us alone as it is our tenth wedding anniversary.’
‘Your tenth wedding anniversary? May I offer you my warmest congratulations, sir – madam?’ The shop assistant bowed for the third time.
‘We may be wrong of course. It may prove to be – um – something completely different altogether.’
‘You aren’t by any chance contemplating the possibility of a real murder, sir? That ploy has been used in several books already, I believe. A Murder Game ending in real murder. Not a particularly original idea – if I may venture an opinion.’
‘Don’t you sometimes wish that we possessed the kind of temperament that has been described as “sublimely uninquisitive”?’ Antonia said as they left the shop and stood looking for a taxi.
‘No, never.’
‘We’d have been so much happier.’
‘I rather doubt it.’
‘Oh don’t let’s go, Hugh! Please . It’s bound to be an awful bore.’ She clutched at his arm. ‘Some
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