The Road To The City by Natalia Ginzburg Page B

want.’ Perhaps what I wanted was to go back to old times, to put on my light blue dress and run away to the city and ask Nini if he was still in love with me. And to go into the woods with Giulio, too, so long as I didn’t have to marry him. But all this was behind me, and there was no possible return. In fact, when I had been free to do all these things I had complained that my life was a bore and hoped for something unexpected to happen, such as marrying Giulio and going away from home for good. Now I remembered that it had often bored me to listen to him and that he had done all. sorts of things to annoy me. I didn’t really want to marry him at all. ‘But what’s the use?’ I said to myself. ‘We’ve got to get married at this point, or else I’m done for.’
    My mother came to see me the next day and found me with a chill and fever which my aunt told her I must have caught when I went out walking with Nini late the previous evening. It was cold upstairs, and I was sitting in my usual place in the kitchen, with my legs practically in the fire. My teeth were chattering and yet I felt hot and feverish all over. My head was whirling and I could barely follow what my mother had to say. She was saying that there had been another scene with my father because Giulio had said that after all the baby might not be his.
    â€˜If you hadn’t been such a little tramp,’ said my mother, ‘he wouldn’t dare say anything of the sort.’
    â€˜That’s very true,’ said my aunt. ‘Just yesterday she went out with Nini, and that’s what’s laid her low to-day. It doesn’t matter to me, of course, except for the fact that she’s staying in my house. If my daughter’s reputation suffers, what am I to do?'
    I told them to go away and leave me in peace because my bones ached. My aunt told my mother that if Giulio was wavering I should have a talk with him. My mother agreed and gave me his address in the city, which she had secretly obtained from the servant. Then she went away in a hurry in order to reach home before my father, who had forbidden her to visit me and told her he didn’t even want to know whether I was dead or alive.
11
    As soon as I felt better I decided to go down to the city. I took the money my mother had left for me and a box of cakes that my aunt wanted me to give to Giulio, but these I left with a woman sitting behind me. I was happy all the way, thinking of the various parts of the city that I hadn’t seen for so long, looking out of the windows and listening to the chatter of the people getting on and off the bus. It was a lot more agreeable than my aunt’s kitchen, and the mere fact of being in the company of people who didn’t know anything about me or my troubles did a great deal to cheer me up. I was thrilled to see the city streets and arcades and looked hopefully around for Nini, but of course at that hour he was working. I spent all the money I had left buying some stockings and a bottle of Nocturne perfume. Then I went to Giulio’s. The landlady, who limped and had a moustache, told me that he was asleep and she didn’t dare wake him but that if I waited around for a while he would be sure to get up.
    She took me into the parlour, pulled up the blinds, sat down beside me, and started to tell me all about her lame leg, how it had swollen up after she had fallen from a ladder, and what sort of care she was taking of it and how much it cost her. When she went out for a minute to talk to the milkman I took off my old stockings with holes in them, tucked them away in my bag, and put on the new ones. Then I waited for the landlady to call me.
    When I went into Giulio’s room he was still so sleepy that he didn’t know who I was. He walked around in his stockinged feet, looking for his jacket and tie, while I turned the pages of some of the books on his table until he told me to leave them