me."
Sebastian
felt his patience wearing thin, but he kept his tone level. "I don't
remember you forcing me to do anything. I dominated you because I wanted
to."
Kerri's
panicked gaze darted up and down the street as she checked to see if anyone had
heard what he'd just said. Sebastian thought she needn't have worried. New York
was one of the few places in the world where you could have an intimate
discussion out in broad daylight without anyone being interested enough to
eavesdrop. Still, she took a step closer, and she lowered her voice. "No.
You did it because you knew I needed you to."
Sebastian
sat down on her stoop as the effort of sparring with her drained the little
energy he had left out of his already exhausted body. He could almost see every
brick in the invisible wall Kerri was trying to construct between them, and,
even with all of his experience as a trained psycho-therapist, he couldn't find
a way around it. He had never felt so
helpless.
"I
can see I'm not going to be able to get through to you, at least not now, but I
want you ask yourself if you're being as truthful as you think."
"I'm
not in the mood for analysis. Save it
for your clients."
Sebastian
ignored her barbed comment, as he saw it for what it was—a way to keep him at
arm's length because she was scared of letting him get too close. "I don't
think even you believe that what we did last night was perverted. This is about
something else, and I think I know what it is."
"Really? Then please
enlighten me."
Her
smile was infuriating, but he had to admit a grudging respect for the way she
fought her corner. "You're scared half out of your mind because you know
that last night was about more than just sex, and that terrifies you, but if
you want to keep lying to yourself, then you go right on hiding behind
religious objections and demeaning labels. You might fool yourself, but you
don't fool me. You're terrified of falling for someone who knows who you really
are."
Kerri's
blank stare told him nothing at first, and when he saw the sheen of tears
misting her eyes, he felt a small glimmer of hope flare to life in his chest.
But then she glared down at her feet and jangled her keys in her hand as she
prepared to walk away from him, and he knew she'd rejected every single word he
said.
"You're
expecting too much of me, Sebastian. I just got out of a long term relationship
that ended really badly, and that was painful enough, but now I find out that Ben,
and all the men I've ever dated, were right all along. It's my fault that sex
has never been any good, at least not with anyone but you. I'm so fucked up
that the only way I can have an orgasm is if someone dominates me."
"It's
not the only way. It's just one of the ways."
She
shook her head. "You know that's not true better than I do. When you
looked inside my head to find out what I needed, that's what you saw."
"What
I saw was that you needed permission to let go of that rigid self-control and
allow yourself to enjoy having sex. The easiest way of doing that is to hand
control over to someone else. That way, whatever happens is their
responsibility, not yours." Sebastian tried to reach out to her and get her to sit down beside him,
but she took a step away. "There are millions of people around the world
who enjoy submitting to a sexual partner. Would it really be so bad if you were
one of them?"
The
tears that had been threatening for a while spilled over onto her cheeks, and
she brushed them away as she grudgingly sat down beside him. "I just want
to be normal."
"Kerri, honey. You could never
be just normal."
"Thanks."
"Don't
be sarcastic. I meant that as a compliment." He dragged his hand through his hair, taking
a moment to gather his thoughts and figure out the best way to get her to see
what she was about to throw away. "Last night should have proved to you
beyond any doubt that you are an incredibly sexy woman, capable of having
orgasms through oral and manual
Sebastian
felt his patience wearing thin, but he kept his tone level. "I don't
remember you forcing me to do anything. I dominated you because I wanted
to."
Kerri's
panicked gaze darted up and down the street as she checked to see if anyone had
heard what he'd just said. Sebastian thought she needn't have worried. New York
was one of the few places in the world where you could have an intimate
discussion out in broad daylight without anyone being interested enough to
eavesdrop. Still, she took a step closer, and she lowered her voice. "No.
You did it because you knew I needed you to."
Sebastian
sat down on her stoop as the effort of sparring with her drained the little
energy he had left out of his already exhausted body. He could almost see every
brick in the invisible wall Kerri was trying to construct between them, and,
even with all of his experience as a trained psycho-therapist, he couldn't find
a way around it. He had never felt so
helpless.
"I
can see I'm not going to be able to get through to you, at least not now, but I
want you ask yourself if you're being as truthful as you think."
"I'm
not in the mood for analysis. Save it
for your clients."
Sebastian
ignored her barbed comment, as he saw it for what it was—a way to keep him at
arm's length because she was scared of letting him get too close. "I don't
think even you believe that what we did last night was perverted. This is about
something else, and I think I know what it is."
"Really? Then please
enlighten me."
Her
smile was infuriating, but he had to admit a grudging respect for the way she
fought her corner. "You're scared half out of your mind because you know
that last night was about more than just sex, and that terrifies you, but if
you want to keep lying to yourself, then you go right on hiding behind
religious objections and demeaning labels. You might fool yourself, but you
don't fool me. You're terrified of falling for someone who knows who you really
are."
Kerri's
blank stare told him nothing at first, and when he saw the sheen of tears
misting her eyes, he felt a small glimmer of hope flare to life in his chest.
But then she glared down at her feet and jangled her keys in her hand as she
prepared to walk away from him, and he knew she'd rejected every single word he
said.
"You're
expecting too much of me, Sebastian. I just got out of a long term relationship
that ended really badly, and that was painful enough, but now I find out that Ben,
and all the men I've ever dated, were right all along. It's my fault that sex
has never been any good, at least not with anyone but you. I'm so fucked up
that the only way I can have an orgasm is if someone dominates me."
"It's
not the only way. It's just one of the ways."
She
shook her head. "You know that's not true better than I do. When you
looked inside my head to find out what I needed, that's what you saw."
"What
I saw was that you needed permission to let go of that rigid self-control and
allow yourself to enjoy having sex. The easiest way of doing that is to hand
control over to someone else. That way, whatever happens is their
responsibility, not yours." Sebastian tried to reach out to her and get her to sit down beside him,
but she took a step away. "There are millions of people around the world
who enjoy submitting to a sexual partner. Would it really be so bad if you were
one of them?"
The
tears that had been threatening for a while spilled over onto her cheeks, and
she brushed them away as she grudgingly sat down beside him. "I just want
to be normal."
"Kerri, honey. You could never
be just normal."
"Thanks."
"Don't
be sarcastic. I meant that as a compliment." He dragged his hand through his hair, taking
a moment to gather his thoughts and figure out the best way to get her to see
what she was about to throw away. "Last night should have proved to you
beyond any doubt that you are an incredibly sexy woman, capable of having
orgasms through oral and manual
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