The Suicide Diary

The Suicide Diary by Kirsten Rees Page A

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Authors: Kirsten Rees
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been up to since I saw you at the party?" he asked.
    "Oh, I've been pretty busy with getting organised for university, so my friends and I have been shopping for clothes and books." Lie two, at least it was mostly true apart from the friends part.
    “I never did the Uni thing; my Dad had a friend who works in advertising and got me a job right out of school. I thought at the time I could study later, you know go back after I’d got some work experience. Now I just think that the whole point of Uni is to get a job at the end of it and I already have a job I love so it seems kinda pointless.” He shrugged and lifted his glass to finish off his wine.
    Chris made it easy to talk to him, gently teasing details of my life from me and patiently answering the few questions I asked of him. He told me about the promotion he wanted by next year and where he saw himself in another five. To a seventeen year old girl, he seemed so ambitious despite being only two years older. Chris had grown up with his dad and a younger brother, but I didn’t ask after his Mother since he hadn’t mentioned her. I was grateful he didn’t ask me too many questions, since after our chat at the party there really wasn’t much left for me to say.
    The meal was delicious but I took my time with my glass of wine so he only topped up his own - as tempting as it was to drown my nerves, I was perfectly capable of embarrassing myself sober so I didn't need the added help. I was also conscious of trying to act like a legal adult and not a teenager taking advantage.
    After dinner Chris took me to a bar and after another small glass of wine I began to relax. It seemed almost too sudden that our evening together came to a close and I had to say goodnight to him.
    I glanced at my watch to find the hands had spun through the last three hours and it was almost twelve o’clock. “I’ve had a really nice time, but I should probably say goodnight soon.” Was I asking permission or telling him?
    “It’s still early!” He disputed. He hadn’t even looked at his watch, but the bar had only begun to get busy in the last hour.
    "I've got a ton of stuff to do in the morning, so midnight's kind of my self-imposed curfew." Actually it was my Mother-imposed curfew. Lie number three. I still lived with my family, while he had his own flat, so he walked with me and waited in the taxi queue. Just moments before my taxi pulled up, he pulled me close and kissed me with his mouth pressed tightly to mine. I felt self-conscious knowing there were people behind me, while Chris barely seemed to notice or care. The people in front had pulled off in their taxi and the next one drove in to its place. He broke the kiss first then kissed me lightly on the cheek and whispered goodnight in my ear.
    When I climbed into bed, I noticed my phone flashing blue and I flipped it open to find a text from Chris. 'Really enjoyed our first date. I'll see you soon x' I fell asleep thinking this is how it should have happened the first time around.
    After that night glorious, unabashed, adoration was showered upon me. It was exhilarating and new and I had no idea what I was supposed to be doing. Our second date was a double date with his friend Anthony who turned out to be the flat owner and party host from the night I had met Chris. I'd only briefly met him in between his kissing sessions with Sarah. It would have been a bit awkward since we hadn't spoken again after that, but she wasn't the girl holding Anthony's hand. I was introduced to the pretty brunette that I never met again and she wasn't the last.
    "I have something for you." He grinned as he presented me with an envelope which I took and quickly opened. Inside was a small, rectangular card and a long strip of white card. I looked at him confused but he gestured to look at them. I pulled the two items from the envelope to find it was a driving licence and a strip of photographs. More to the point, it was a driving licence with my photo on

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