it. I had a good time and Iâm sure he did too.â
Flick groaned. âI donât need any more details, thanks, Mum.â
âWhat? I was thirty-three and single.â
Flick thought for a moment. âDid you plan on having me?â
âIâve told you before, I donât really know. I didnât plan it, but I didnât really worry about contraception either. I wasnât upset when I found out I was pregnant; maybe I was hoping. But I was disappointed I wasnât in a relationship. Getting married would have been ideal, having a husband to share life with.â
âThen why didnât you try to find him again?â
Fella barked at the sheep as they ran through the next gate, cutting off her last word.
âBecause we didnât know each other from a bar of soap. He was with the Co-operative Bulk Handling mob constructing the new bin. I only saw him in passing a few times at the shop and then at a big party we had. Before I had a chance to run into him again, theyâd left.â
âYou didnât think it would be important for him to know he was going to be a dad?â
âHe was long gone by the time I found out I was pregnant. It didnât seem important to find him. I didnât need him, just you.â Toni sighed. âFor all I know, he was already a dad. Maybe he had a girlfriend. It was better just being happy with what heâd given me.â Toni played with Flickâs long plait. âYou were a gift from a stranger.â
âJust like Nan? She thinks youâre a gift from Rocco,â said Flick carefully.
âItâs different,â Toni spat, her mood hardening again.
âHowâs it different? You didnât know Rocco was your dad, and I donât even know who mine is. The only man I had was Grandad, and now I find out I donât even really have him.â
âOh, Felicity, you always had Grandad. You grew up with him, you were the apple of his eye.â
âBut so did you, Mum. Just because Rocco is your real dad, didnât mean you didnât have one either. You didnât miss out. Iâm the one who never had a dad. Iâm the one who should be angry. Unless you help me find Simon, Iâll never have one.â
âFinding him wonât make him an instant father.â
Flick huffed. âMaybe not, but he might have a chance to learn. Maybe I have half brothers or sisters out there. How will I ever know? You think you have a right to be angry at Nan â well, I think I should be angry at you.â But she put her own issues behind her, shelving them for another day. Sheâd had twenty years to come to terms with her fatherless life, whereas her mum had the lot on one day.
Flick had tried to find Simon herself one time by calling people at Co-operative Bulk Handling, but no one had wanted to help her. Locating a passing worker from a hired crew all those years ago seemed impossible. Even so, Flick still dreamt of finding him. It had been hard growing up without a dad. Grandad Arthur and the odd workman were as close as she could get. It made her wish Jimmy had been on their farm since the day she was born. He would have made an awesome dad.
âWhy didnât you find someone to marry? I donât really remember you ever having boyfriends, not anything long-term. At least Nan found you a dad,â she said with difficulty.
She felt her mumâs hand on her arm. âOh, Flick, believe me, I would have if I could. Itâs just so hard to find a good man out here, let alone one willing to take on a child.â
âWhat about Jimmy?â
Toni stiffened. âJimmy would have been twenty-four when I had you. Little more than a kid himself. And of course thereâs the minor detail that we hadnât even met him then.â She sighed. âBut I tried. I dated a shearer for a while but that was too hard with his job and me with the farm and you. I just
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