knows better. You can scare somebody into something one time, but if you want them to stay scared, you got to keep findin things for them to be scared of. Eternal damnation works for a lot of folks. Looks to me like both good and bad things happen whether you’re scared or not. If you don’t think so, go work in a nursing home.
Reverend Knowles asks if there are any prayer requests this morn- ing, and I raise my hand without even stopping to think. “Mrs. Ber- nice Stokes,” I say. “She’s having a real hard time. Her mind’s not good.” April looks at me like she’s shocked that I said somebody’s name out loud to pray for.
“All right then. Thank you, Lorraine. Mrs. Bernice Stokes.” He goes on gathering up names until he probably has ten or so.
“Who is that?” April whispers, sounding impatient.
“I’ll tell you later. A lady at the nursing home.” I put my hand on her arm and pat it exactly like I used to when she was a little girl talk- ing in church. I took her to services from the time she was born, and
people said, “How come that baby don’t cry? It’s like she’s a grown up lady, minding her manners.” April used to lie there and smile and gurgle, and once she could talk, she always whispered. That child was born knowing how to act around people.
The name of the sermon is printed in the bulletin: “Blessed Are the Poor in Spirit.” I don’t need to hear a sermon to know about that. I live with it every day I go to work. When you look at old people as much as I do, you can’t tell sometimes what’s gettin ready to die, the body or what’s inside the body. It’s a struggle to the end, which one’s gon go first. I myself believe God wants our spirits to live free, even when it looks like there ain’t that much left of them. That’s why I don’t say nothin when Bernice talks to a stuffed animal toy. Her daughter- in-law tries to snap her out of it sometimes, and none too nice, but I think, that’s where her spirit is, and who knows what’s in there with it, best leave her alone. Let her go, she’ll come back if and when she’s good and ready. I can’t say that to Ada Everett even though she’s my boss because she’d say mind my business and she’d be right, but when I’m by myself, I do what I think is the best thing for right then. That’s how I find my peace, it might not be the perfect way, but I do what I can do.
Friday Miss Margaret wouldn’t eat any lunch. When I told her she ought to eat something or she’d get sick, she perked up and said, “Lor- raine, you and I have both been to church all our lives. Now tell the truth, what do you believe happens when we leave this earth? And I don’t mean the Sunday school-approved version, so don’t give me any made-up preacher talk.”
“You don’t have to worry cause I ain’t a preacher.”
“Well good, because I don’t want the right answer. I want the honest one.”
“I don’t know nothin about heaven that you don’t know.” “Tell me and I’ll decide the truth of that statement.”
“All right then. I don’t know if it’s a reward, like something you
get when you retire. I think it might be going back to the way things always were, the natural state of things.”
“That doesn’t say much about saving souls, Lorraine.”
“God knows who needs to be saved and from what. I don’t.” “You haven’t answered the question.”
“When we die we’re in one place and we go to another place and that’s it. That’s all.”
“That certainly doesn’t sound like what I hear preachers say on TV.” “I don’t get my religion from TV.”
“Well thank God. You are one of the few people left in this world who actually thinks for herself, Lorraine, and I simply could not stand to have that ideal shattered.”
“My friend Althea believes that when we pass on, the rules are all different all of a sudden. Everything we thought we knew is either a whole lot more or a whole lot less complicated.
Reverend Knowles asks if there are any prayer requests this morn- ing, and I raise my hand without even stopping to think. “Mrs. Ber- nice Stokes,” I say. “She’s having a real hard time. Her mind’s not good.” April looks at me like she’s shocked that I said somebody’s name out loud to pray for.
“All right then. Thank you, Lorraine. Mrs. Bernice Stokes.” He goes on gathering up names until he probably has ten or so.
“Who is that?” April whispers, sounding impatient.
“I’ll tell you later. A lady at the nursing home.” I put my hand on her arm and pat it exactly like I used to when she was a little girl talk- ing in church. I took her to services from the time she was born, and
people said, “How come that baby don’t cry? It’s like she’s a grown up lady, minding her manners.” April used to lie there and smile and gurgle, and once she could talk, she always whispered. That child was born knowing how to act around people.
The name of the sermon is printed in the bulletin: “Blessed Are the Poor in Spirit.” I don’t need to hear a sermon to know about that. I live with it every day I go to work. When you look at old people as much as I do, you can’t tell sometimes what’s gettin ready to die, the body or what’s inside the body. It’s a struggle to the end, which one’s gon go first. I myself believe God wants our spirits to live free, even when it looks like there ain’t that much left of them. That’s why I don’t say nothin when Bernice talks to a stuffed animal toy. Her daughter- in-law tries to snap her out of it sometimes, and none too nice, but I think, that’s where her spirit is, and who knows what’s in there with it, best leave her alone. Let her go, she’ll come back if and when she’s good and ready. I can’t say that to Ada Everett even though she’s my boss because she’d say mind my business and she’d be right, but when I’m by myself, I do what I think is the best thing for right then. That’s how I find my peace, it might not be the perfect way, but I do what I can do.
Friday Miss Margaret wouldn’t eat any lunch. When I told her she ought to eat something or she’d get sick, she perked up and said, “Lor- raine, you and I have both been to church all our lives. Now tell the truth, what do you believe happens when we leave this earth? And I don’t mean the Sunday school-approved version, so don’t give me any made-up preacher talk.”
“You don’t have to worry cause I ain’t a preacher.”
“Well good, because I don’t want the right answer. I want the honest one.”
“I don’t know nothin about heaven that you don’t know.” “Tell me and I’ll decide the truth of that statement.”
“All right then. I don’t know if it’s a reward, like something you
get when you retire. I think it might be going back to the way things always were, the natural state of things.”
“That doesn’t say much about saving souls, Lorraine.”
“God knows who needs to be saved and from what. I don’t.” “You haven’t answered the question.”
“When we die we’re in one place and we go to another place and that’s it. That’s all.”
“That certainly doesn’t sound like what I hear preachers say on TV.” “I don’t get my religion from TV.”
“Well thank God. You are one of the few people left in this world who actually thinks for herself, Lorraine, and I simply could not stand to have that ideal shattered.”
“My friend Althea believes that when we pass on, the rules are all different all of a sudden. Everything we thought we knew is either a whole lot more or a whole lot less complicated.
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