talk to you, buddy,”
he said.
Susan volunteered to go home and water her
plants and see if her cat was still alive. Joe saw that Bigger was
in bad shape and way gone. He grabbed a bottle of Bacardi off his
kitchen table and tried to catch up.
“ You know you should be home with
your wife and kids.”
“ I’m pissed off and pissed up and
I don’t want to be around them like that. That’s why I come by you.
Besides Jenny understands I’m having a rough time. She’s a
castrating nag, but she understands.”
Joe mixed some more rum in some Coke and
stirred with his finger. Bigger was still working on the drink he
had in his hand when he had arrived. “I don’t. You’re not upset
that I wish you’d get fired, are you?”
“ Ah, Hell no,” Bigger said. “I
have no idea why you would want that, but I figure you have a good
reason. I am the ones with the big plans, but you’re the ones with
the brains, Joe.”
“ I don’t know, Bigger. I think
we’re both pretty stupid.”
“ See? You’re even right about
that.” Bigger burped and then hiccupped. “You’re always right.
That’s why I was hoping you could help me understand all the
changes going on at work. I just don’t like change. It’s like when
I was little.”
Bigger stared into space for a moment. “My dad
would be taking a shower or a dump and my mom would barge in on him
with towels or to comb her hair. Daddy didn’t seem to mind, but I’d
be thinking, ‘Ick. Icky. I’d hate for my wife to barge in on me the
bathroom and see all my private parts.’ Now that I am older, do you
know what? I hate when my wife barges in on me and sees my
privates.”
“ What in the hell are you talking
about, Bigger? What the hell does that have to do with
anything?”
“ I want to know why things have to
change or why I don’t like it. Either one.” Bigger spilled his
drink on the couch with several deep hiccups. “Anything after
childhood sucks. Maybe that’s my point, damn it. But I need your
advice on if I should start wearing my uniform.” Bigger shuttered.
“I even hate those words. Uniform. To me it means being the same.
But should I start wearing all white, Joe? Come on, Joe. You know
what I’s should do.”
Joe shuttered, too. He was trying to get the
picture of Bigger naked in the bathroom out of his head. “Bigger,
the reason I want you to get fired is so that it forces you to do
want you want with your life. Because I think you are never leaving
Saint Jude’s unless you get fired. You’re too comfortable here as
much as you hate it. As a failure, you don’t have to risk failing.
But you do have a family to support. With times, the way they are,
I think you should probably start wearing your uniform.”
“ Will this make me happy at
work?”
Joe shook his head. “It will make you feel
worse and more bitter, but you need this job. That’s the bottom
line. So get in white from head to toe, eat your dignity, and
conform to some stupid rule that some asshole thought up. That’s
what everyone else does. Let Seuss pretend you are a team player
one hundred and ten percent.”
They sat for a while drinking and wanting to
go to bed, but not wanting to waste a buzz. Joe turned on ESPN and
turned down the sound. He didn’t want the sound because he wanted
to talk to his friend, but he turned the TV on to avoid the
awkwardness of being alone in a room with another man. He really
wanted to turn his stereo on, but thought that would be too
gay.
“ Do you love me Joe?” Bigger
asked. “Because I think you’re great. You are so in control. Your
life has turned out the way you wanted it to, didn’t
it?”
“ Wouldn’t I have to be a jackass
to want my life to be this, Bigger?” He took a long drink. “But all
in all, I got what I need, except-”
“ Except what?”
“ Hmm. I don’t think I should tell
you, but I hate people that let you know they have a secret and
then make you beg them for like five minutes, ‘Come on,
he said.
Susan volunteered to go home and water her
plants and see if her cat was still alive. Joe saw that Bigger was
in bad shape and way gone. He grabbed a bottle of Bacardi off his
kitchen table and tried to catch up.
“ You know you should be home with
your wife and kids.”
“ I’m pissed off and pissed up and
I don’t want to be around them like that. That’s why I come by you.
Besides Jenny understands I’m having a rough time. She’s a
castrating nag, but she understands.”
Joe mixed some more rum in some Coke and
stirred with his finger. Bigger was still working on the drink he
had in his hand when he had arrived. “I don’t. You’re not upset
that I wish you’d get fired, are you?”
“ Ah, Hell no,” Bigger said. “I
have no idea why you would want that, but I figure you have a good
reason. I am the ones with the big plans, but you’re the ones with
the brains, Joe.”
“ I don’t know, Bigger. I think
we’re both pretty stupid.”
“ See? You’re even right about
that.” Bigger burped and then hiccupped. “You’re always right.
That’s why I was hoping you could help me understand all the
changes going on at work. I just don’t like change. It’s like when
I was little.”
Bigger stared into space for a moment. “My dad
would be taking a shower or a dump and my mom would barge in on him
with towels or to comb her hair. Daddy didn’t seem to mind, but I’d
be thinking, ‘Ick. Icky. I’d hate for my wife to barge in on me the
bathroom and see all my private parts.’ Now that I am older, do you
know what? I hate when my wife barges in on me and sees my
privates.”
“ What in the hell are you talking
about, Bigger? What the hell does that have to do with
anything?”
“ I want to know why things have to
change or why I don’t like it. Either one.” Bigger spilled his
drink on the couch with several deep hiccups. “Anything after
childhood sucks. Maybe that’s my point, damn it. But I need your
advice on if I should start wearing my uniform.” Bigger shuttered.
“I even hate those words. Uniform. To me it means being the same.
But should I start wearing all white, Joe? Come on, Joe. You know
what I’s should do.”
Joe shuttered, too. He was trying to get the
picture of Bigger naked in the bathroom out of his head. “Bigger,
the reason I want you to get fired is so that it forces you to do
want you want with your life. Because I think you are never leaving
Saint Jude’s unless you get fired. You’re too comfortable here as
much as you hate it. As a failure, you don’t have to risk failing.
But you do have a family to support. With times, the way they are,
I think you should probably start wearing your uniform.”
“ Will this make me happy at
work?”
Joe shook his head. “It will make you feel
worse and more bitter, but you need this job. That’s the bottom
line. So get in white from head to toe, eat your dignity, and
conform to some stupid rule that some asshole thought up. That’s
what everyone else does. Let Seuss pretend you are a team player
one hundred and ten percent.”
They sat for a while drinking and wanting to
go to bed, but not wanting to waste a buzz. Joe turned on ESPN and
turned down the sound. He didn’t want the sound because he wanted
to talk to his friend, but he turned the TV on to avoid the
awkwardness of being alone in a room with another man. He really
wanted to turn his stereo on, but thought that would be too
gay.
“ Do you love me Joe?” Bigger
asked. “Because I think you’re great. You are so in control. Your
life has turned out the way you wanted it to, didn’t
it?”
“ Wouldn’t I have to be a jackass
to want my life to be this, Bigger?” He took a long drink. “But all
in all, I got what I need, except-”
“ Except what?”
“ Hmm. I don’t think I should tell
you, but I hate people that let you know they have a secret and
then make you beg them for like five minutes, ‘Come on,
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