she closed her eyes and concentrated she would be able to feel it, as if the very room were spinning, centrifugal force tugging them apart.
Why did Margaret think she was so special? They’d all lost somebody. They’d all had to pay.
She’d been trying to think of the word since the hospital, and it suddenly came to her. Menarche . A girl’s introduction into womanhood. So powerful, that moment in a girl’s life, the transition from useless girl into woman. She smiled, remembering the girl’s shocked face when she asked whether she was bleeding yet …
The fact that Rowan had not yet entered into menarche was a blessing that would save them all. She wanted to applaud her own cleverness, the serendipity of it all. She would be sure to remind Audra of that.
Izzy stood up then, securely tied the robe around her waist and walked down the hall to the closed door. The door that was always closed, except when she opened it.
It was dark inside David’s room, the blinds drawn and the lights off, but she could find every item in the room by memory. She turned the light on anyway. In a cruel, sharp electric gasp, the room laid itself open for her.
It was all as it had been, right down to the forgotten pair of socks at the end of the bed where a sixteen-year-old boy had dropped them. The side table still held a copy of East of Eden , the bookmark a dragon slyly watching a tiny knight at his feet be careful in the company of dragons for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup , and four small chunks of agate and a watch, the battery long dead, reading 12:10, whether day or night unknown.
If she opened the closet door there would be his clothes still hanging, and in the dresser, underwear, T-shirts, the many and varied bits and pieces of soccer, baseball, football, basketball uniforms: gold and purple socks, satin shorts in blue with white stripes up the leg, jerseys in electric yellow and green, numbers stencilled onto everything: 11, 15, 67.
The air in the room was bruised with time, filled with a heavy sadness that had once been a sharp, bleeding pain.
Izzy sat on the bed and the springs squeaked. She leaned back and spread herself over it. Closed her eyes. Tried to find him in the room.
Mom you’re the best
I’m going to Lonnie’s
Mom, I’m late for practice
“I look wonderful for my age,” she said into the empty room. The words caught and held in the heavy air, fading slowly. She kept her body still to keep the springs quiet. When she shifted they cried out … awful. Like David that day. So she stayed very still, except for two times when she moved just to hear that noise, like a tongue that can’t stay out of the rotten tooth.
what’s this scar, Iz?
She tucked her hands under his pillow and felt there a soft, worn T-shirt. Without looking she knew what it said. HAVEN WOODS SENIOR BOYS CHAMPS 1997. She tugged out a corner of it and held it under her nose. If she tried very, very hard, she could still smell him.
He smelled like time.
She would dream of him tonight, as she did every now and then. In her dreams he was always as he had been that day, her beautiful golden son, her sun.
The others had lost husbands. She’d lost her son . They did not know pain the way she did.
All would soon be made right. The daughters were here, and that would balance things out. Legacy. Blood relatives.
Most important, of course, blood.
FIVE
G LASS WIND CHIMES HUNG from a cord on her grandmother’s front porch. The pieces were all different colours, very pretty, and when Rowan pushed, they swung lazily in an arc. Three, four swings and they settled to a stop. When they became still, Rowan pushed them again.
It was weird not to be at school. She tried to just enjoy the fact, but she couldn’t help looking at her watch once in awhile and wondering where everyone was. There was a funny feeling attached to it, like the way it felt when you stood at the top of the circle stairs in Convocation Hall and leaned
Why did Margaret think she was so special? They’d all lost somebody. They’d all had to pay.
She’d been trying to think of the word since the hospital, and it suddenly came to her. Menarche . A girl’s introduction into womanhood. So powerful, that moment in a girl’s life, the transition from useless girl into woman. She smiled, remembering the girl’s shocked face when she asked whether she was bleeding yet …
The fact that Rowan had not yet entered into menarche was a blessing that would save them all. She wanted to applaud her own cleverness, the serendipity of it all. She would be sure to remind Audra of that.
Izzy stood up then, securely tied the robe around her waist and walked down the hall to the closed door. The door that was always closed, except when she opened it.
It was dark inside David’s room, the blinds drawn and the lights off, but she could find every item in the room by memory. She turned the light on anyway. In a cruel, sharp electric gasp, the room laid itself open for her.
It was all as it had been, right down to the forgotten pair of socks at the end of the bed where a sixteen-year-old boy had dropped them. The side table still held a copy of East of Eden , the bookmark a dragon slyly watching a tiny knight at his feet be careful in the company of dragons for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup , and four small chunks of agate and a watch, the battery long dead, reading 12:10, whether day or night unknown.
If she opened the closet door there would be his clothes still hanging, and in the dresser, underwear, T-shirts, the many and varied bits and pieces of soccer, baseball, football, basketball uniforms: gold and purple socks, satin shorts in blue with white stripes up the leg, jerseys in electric yellow and green, numbers stencilled onto everything: 11, 15, 67.
The air in the room was bruised with time, filled with a heavy sadness that had once been a sharp, bleeding pain.
Izzy sat on the bed and the springs squeaked. She leaned back and spread herself over it. Closed her eyes. Tried to find him in the room.
Mom you’re the best
I’m going to Lonnie’s
Mom, I’m late for practice
“I look wonderful for my age,” she said into the empty room. The words caught and held in the heavy air, fading slowly. She kept her body still to keep the springs quiet. When she shifted they cried out … awful. Like David that day. So she stayed very still, except for two times when she moved just to hear that noise, like a tongue that can’t stay out of the rotten tooth.
what’s this scar, Iz?
She tucked her hands under his pillow and felt there a soft, worn T-shirt. Without looking she knew what it said. HAVEN WOODS SENIOR BOYS CHAMPS 1997. She tugged out a corner of it and held it under her nose. If she tried very, very hard, she could still smell him.
He smelled like time.
She would dream of him tonight, as she did every now and then. In her dreams he was always as he had been that day, her beautiful golden son, her sun.
The others had lost husbands. She’d lost her son . They did not know pain the way she did.
All would soon be made right. The daughters were here, and that would balance things out. Legacy. Blood relatives.
Most important, of course, blood.
FIVE
G LASS WIND CHIMES HUNG from a cord on her grandmother’s front porch. The pieces were all different colours, very pretty, and when Rowan pushed, they swung lazily in an arc. Three, four swings and they settled to a stop. When they became still, Rowan pushed them again.
It was weird not to be at school. She tried to just enjoy the fact, but she couldn’t help looking at her watch once in awhile and wondering where everyone was. There was a funny feeling attached to it, like the way it felt when you stood at the top of the circle stairs in Convocation Hall and leaned
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