on the table, her bulging belly hiding the doctor from her view until he stood up and placed a stethoscope on her stomach. As he moved the instrument across her skin, his brow furrowed and the creases deepened. Apprehensive, Ellen turned to Ted, her lips tight, her brow wrinkled. Ted squeezed her hand and smiled. She relaxed her face, took a deep breath and beamed back at him until the doctor raised his head.
He looked back and forth at the couple, cleared his throat and said, “ We have a problem. I can ’ t find the baby ’ s heartbeat. ”
The rest of the day was a blur. At the end of all the procedures, prayers and physical exertion, only tears and heartache remained. Their baby was dead.
Ted and Ellen stumbled in numb lockstep through the next few days as friends and family helped plan the funeral, order the tiny white coffin and take care of the other two children. Ted pulled out of his stupor first and reached out to comfort Ellen. She resisted, afraid to believe he still loved her after the loss of his child. He persisted in his efforts, melting the barriers and regaining her trust. They sobbed in each other ’ s arms, day after day as they talked through the pain. Ellen didn ’ t believe her hurt would ever go away, but with Ted by her side, she thought it just might be bearable.
About a month after the baby ’ s death, she noticed Ted staring into his top dresser drawer. Odd , she thought. I ’ ve seen him doing that quite often lately . “ Looking for something? ” she asked.
Ted started and jumped. “ Oh no, ” he said, shuffling inside the drawer before shoving it closed.
“ Is something wrong, Ted? ”
“ Oh, no. No. Just lost in thought. Well, I ’ ve got to get to work. ” He kissed her on the forehand and headed for the door.
When Ellen heard his car pull way, she opened the drawer that had him so entranced. At first, she saw only balled-up socks and folded boxer shorts. How could underwear and footwear captivate his attention so thoroughly? she wondered.
Idly, she shifted around the contents of his drawer and then she saw it. A charge of static-like electricity sparked in the tip of her finger, raced up her arm and nestled on the top of her head. A snapshot of Lucinda – the one he used to carry in his wallet – lay in the bottom of the drawer. Beneath it, a newspaper clipping with her photo in a news article.
When Ted returned home that evening, he didn ’ t understand the hostility that rose from Ellen like waves of heat from a summer road. He asked her about it, but she would not explain. When he reached out to her, she rebuffed his touch. At night, she turned her back to him and clung to the edge of the bed.
Ellen was non-responsive but she was alert. She watched Ted intently, looking for signs that he was about to leave, to toss her aside and run to Lucinda the Invincible. Even now, with her face disfigured and hideous, Ted wants Lucinda more than he wants me.
She imagined the worst – a torrid affair. She was convinced everyone in the department knew and they were all laughing at her behind her back. Even worse, she imagined Ted laughing at her while he nestled in Lucinda ’ s naked arms. Ellen ’ s resentment toward her husband and his old girlfriend festered and grew.
Ten
Lucinda took the city attorney ’ s advice to heart. She strove harder, worked longer hours, some of it off the clock. Every report filed was precise. Every regulation followed. Every policy obeyed. No short cuts. Ever.
She studied hard and took the lieutenant ’ s test, earning her gold shield and a transfer into Homicide. The rest of her life was dead, but she was born again in the investigation of death.
When the young boy died at Lucinda ’ s hand, Internal Affairs took her work away. The captain assigned all her cases to other investigators. The bureaucrats chained her to her desk. Night after night, she returned from another fruitless day and poured out her pain, her frustration,
He looked back and forth at the couple, cleared his throat and said, “ We have a problem. I can ’ t find the baby ’ s heartbeat. ”
The rest of the day was a blur. At the end of all the procedures, prayers and physical exertion, only tears and heartache remained. Their baby was dead.
Ted and Ellen stumbled in numb lockstep through the next few days as friends and family helped plan the funeral, order the tiny white coffin and take care of the other two children. Ted pulled out of his stupor first and reached out to comfort Ellen. She resisted, afraid to believe he still loved her after the loss of his child. He persisted in his efforts, melting the barriers and regaining her trust. They sobbed in each other ’ s arms, day after day as they talked through the pain. Ellen didn ’ t believe her hurt would ever go away, but with Ted by her side, she thought it just might be bearable.
About a month after the baby ’ s death, she noticed Ted staring into his top dresser drawer. Odd , she thought. I ’ ve seen him doing that quite often lately . “ Looking for something? ” she asked.
Ted started and jumped. “ Oh no, ” he said, shuffling inside the drawer before shoving it closed.
“ Is something wrong, Ted? ”
“ Oh, no. No. Just lost in thought. Well, I ’ ve got to get to work. ” He kissed her on the forehand and headed for the door.
When Ellen heard his car pull way, she opened the drawer that had him so entranced. At first, she saw only balled-up socks and folded boxer shorts. How could underwear and footwear captivate his attention so thoroughly? she wondered.
Idly, she shifted around the contents of his drawer and then she saw it. A charge of static-like electricity sparked in the tip of her finger, raced up her arm and nestled on the top of her head. A snapshot of Lucinda – the one he used to carry in his wallet – lay in the bottom of the drawer. Beneath it, a newspaper clipping with her photo in a news article.
When Ted returned home that evening, he didn ’ t understand the hostility that rose from Ellen like waves of heat from a summer road. He asked her about it, but she would not explain. When he reached out to her, she rebuffed his touch. At night, she turned her back to him and clung to the edge of the bed.
Ellen was non-responsive but she was alert. She watched Ted intently, looking for signs that he was about to leave, to toss her aside and run to Lucinda the Invincible. Even now, with her face disfigured and hideous, Ted wants Lucinda more than he wants me.
She imagined the worst – a torrid affair. She was convinced everyone in the department knew and they were all laughing at her behind her back. Even worse, she imagined Ted laughing at her while he nestled in Lucinda ’ s naked arms. Ellen ’ s resentment toward her husband and his old girlfriend festered and grew.
Ten
Lucinda took the city attorney ’ s advice to heart. She strove harder, worked longer hours, some of it off the clock. Every report filed was precise. Every regulation followed. Every policy obeyed. No short cuts. Ever.
She studied hard and took the lieutenant ’ s test, earning her gold shield and a transfer into Homicide. The rest of her life was dead, but she was born again in the investigation of death.
When the young boy died at Lucinda ’ s hand, Internal Affairs took her work away. The captain assigned all her cases to other investigators. The bureaucrats chained her to her desk. Night after night, she returned from another fruitless day and poured out her pain, her frustration,
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