her second mind returned—and the ridicule, the shame, the concern about Paulo returned with it. After all, he was the Magus—he knew more than she, and must think all of this was phony.
She took a deep breath. She concentrated on the present, on the earth where nothing grew, on the sun that was already hidden. Bit by bit, the wave of security came back—like a miracle.
“Say a prayer,” she repeated.
And it is going to echo
clearly
against the sky
when I come along
making my noise
She sat there in silence for a while, sensing that she had given her all, and that the channeling had ended. Then she turned to him.
“I went very far today. It’s never happened that way.”
Paulo caressed her face and kissed her. She didn’t know whether he was doing that out of pity or pride.
“Let’s go,” he said. “Let’s respect the earth’s desire.”
“Maybe he is saying that to give me a stimulus, to get me to try to continue channeling,” she thought. But she was certain—something had happened. She hadn’t invented all that.
“The prayer?” she asked, fearful of his answer.
“It’s an ancient indigenous chant. From the Ojibway shamans.”
She was proud of her husband’s knowledge, even though he said it didn’t count for much.
“How can these things happen?”
Paulo remembered J., discussing in his book the secrets of alchemy: “The clouds are rivers that already know the sea.” But he wasn’t inclined to explain. He was feeling tense, irritable, and didn’t know exactly why he was staying on in the desert; after all, he already knew how to converse with his guardian angel.
Chapter 20
“D ID YOU SEE THE FILM
P SYCHO ?”
P AULO asked Chris when they arrived back at the car.
Chris nodded her head.
“The lead actress dies in the bathroom early on in the film. In the desert, I learned how one converses with the angels by the third day. Meanwhile, I promised myself that I would spend forty days here, and now I can’t change my mind.”
“Well, there’s still the Valkyries.”
“The Valkyries! I can live without them!”
He’s afraid that he won’t succeed in finding them,
Chris thought.
“I already know how to converse with the angels, and that’s what’s important.” Paulo’s tone of voice was hostile.
“I’ve been thinking about that,” Chris answered. “You already know,
but you don’t want to try.”
That’s my problem,
Paulo said to himself as he started the car. I
need some strong emotions. I need a challenge.
He looked over at Chris. She was busy reading
The Desert Survival Manual
they had bought in one of the towns they had passed through. They drove off through yet another of the immense desert flats that seemed to have no end.
It’s not just a problem of spiritual search,
he continued thinking, as he alternated between looking at Chris and watching the road. He loved his wife, but he was getting fed up with marriage. He needed some strong passion in his love, in his work, in almost everything he did in his life. And that went against one of nature’s most important laws: Every movement needs to pause at times.
He knew that if he continued the way he was, nothing in his life would last for very long. He was beginning to understand what J. had meant when he said that people wind up killing what they love most.
Chapter 21
T WO DAYS LATER, THEY REACHED G RINGO Pass, a place with only one motel, a mini-market, and the U.S. customs building. The Mexican border was only a few yards from the center of town, and the two took snapshots of each other with one foot in each country.
At the mini-market, they asked about the Valkyries, and the woman who owned the luncheonette said she had seen “that bunch of lesbians” that morning, but that they had moved on.
“Did they cross into Mexico?” Paulo asked.
“No, no. They took the road to Tucson.”
They went back to the motel, and sat down on the verandah. The car was parked directly in front of
She took a deep breath. She concentrated on the present, on the earth where nothing grew, on the sun that was already hidden. Bit by bit, the wave of security came back—like a miracle.
“Say a prayer,” she repeated.
And it is going to echo
clearly
against the sky
when I come along
making my noise
She sat there in silence for a while, sensing that she had given her all, and that the channeling had ended. Then she turned to him.
“I went very far today. It’s never happened that way.”
Paulo caressed her face and kissed her. She didn’t know whether he was doing that out of pity or pride.
“Let’s go,” he said. “Let’s respect the earth’s desire.”
“Maybe he is saying that to give me a stimulus, to get me to try to continue channeling,” she thought. But she was certain—something had happened. She hadn’t invented all that.
“The prayer?” she asked, fearful of his answer.
“It’s an ancient indigenous chant. From the Ojibway shamans.”
She was proud of her husband’s knowledge, even though he said it didn’t count for much.
“How can these things happen?”
Paulo remembered J., discussing in his book the secrets of alchemy: “The clouds are rivers that already know the sea.” But he wasn’t inclined to explain. He was feeling tense, irritable, and didn’t know exactly why he was staying on in the desert; after all, he already knew how to converse with his guardian angel.
Chapter 20
“D ID YOU SEE THE FILM
P SYCHO ?”
P AULO asked Chris when they arrived back at the car.
Chris nodded her head.
“The lead actress dies in the bathroom early on in the film. In the desert, I learned how one converses with the angels by the third day. Meanwhile, I promised myself that I would spend forty days here, and now I can’t change my mind.”
“Well, there’s still the Valkyries.”
“The Valkyries! I can live without them!”
He’s afraid that he won’t succeed in finding them,
Chris thought.
“I already know how to converse with the angels, and that’s what’s important.” Paulo’s tone of voice was hostile.
“I’ve been thinking about that,” Chris answered. “You already know,
but you don’t want to try.”
That’s my problem,
Paulo said to himself as he started the car. I
need some strong emotions. I need a challenge.
He looked over at Chris. She was busy reading
The Desert Survival Manual
they had bought in one of the towns they had passed through. They drove off through yet another of the immense desert flats that seemed to have no end.
It’s not just a problem of spiritual search,
he continued thinking, as he alternated between looking at Chris and watching the road. He loved his wife, but he was getting fed up with marriage. He needed some strong passion in his love, in his work, in almost everything he did in his life. And that went against one of nature’s most important laws: Every movement needs to pause at times.
He knew that if he continued the way he was, nothing in his life would last for very long. He was beginning to understand what J. had meant when he said that people wind up killing what they love most.
Chapter 21
T WO DAYS LATER, THEY REACHED G RINGO Pass, a place with only one motel, a mini-market, and the U.S. customs building. The Mexican border was only a few yards from the center of town, and the two took snapshots of each other with one foot in each country.
At the mini-market, they asked about the Valkyries, and the woman who owned the luncheonette said she had seen “that bunch of lesbians” that morning, but that they had moved on.
“Did they cross into Mexico?” Paulo asked.
“No, no. They took the road to Tucson.”
They went back to the motel, and sat down on the verandah. The car was parked directly in front of
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