had mixed feelings about what he had said. I did like the
presents and sure, hearing that this perfect coat wasn’t my
“ big ” gift got me
real excited too, because by then I knew enough about the costs of
fancy clothes to know it might be ten thousand dollars just for the
coat alone. And shoot, yes, I liked hearing that I looked like an
angel and nice compliments of that sort, but I strictly did not
like being told what color to wear all the time. Why, I loved all
my new black clothes he had given me, and I thought that black was
the most sophisticated color I could ever wear. And then I didn’t
much like that look he was giving me either. George had started
looking and acting recently like he wanted to lock me up just for
himself and keep me forever. Well I just didn’t like that
much.
See, I liked George fine …
most of the time. Well, to speak the truth and shame the devil as
Mama said, I liked him mostly when I was drunk or high or both, and
I liked it when he gave me things. The sex stuff… well mostly when
that was happening I tried to pretend I was somewhere else, and it
took hardly any time anyway. But I knew I wasn’t in love with him.
Being in love was Donny, and though all my dreams had been
shattered by his marrying someone else, it didn’t make my feelings
for him stop. I knew that I would have to marry someone else myself
one day. I just wasn’t ready to think like that yet. After all, I
had been planning my life with Donny Readle since I was seven years
old, and I couldn’t just change it up on a dime, even though I knew
that I would have to one day.
I wasn’t quite eighteen
yet, and it seemed to me like there should be time, but I didn’t
say any of what I was thinking to George. I just leaned against him
in the car and said “ Thank you, Sugar,
you're so good .” I said it real soft and
sweet like. I mean just because I couldn’t see myself with George
forever like I had with Donny, it wasn’t like I had someone else or
somewhere else to go to. I just decided not to worry about any of
it, and look forward to my present instead.
When we got out to the
cabin, George started hurrying around building up the fire and then
he put out a few lines on the old camp table and poured us both a
shot from his little flask, which was silver, unlike Jessie’s
leather one that she was so proud of. When he had the fire going
real good, George pulled me down beside him onto the bed and
reached into his pocket and handed me this little bitty blue
leather box and said real sweet “ Happy
Valentine's Day, Sugar, I hope you like this .”
My hands were shaking a
little by that time, I think from the coke, but it might have been
from the look on George’s face too. I opened up the box and there
were two diamond studs and I didn’t know for sure then, but I do
now, that they were three carats each. They were huge, each one
bigger than any diamond I had ever seen in my life except for the
boulder that his mama wore on her finger and shoved in everyone’s
face every chance she got.
To tell you the strict
truth, I did not have a word to say. I sure wished Jessie were
there; she would have made a joke or done a cheer. I thought maybe
I could pretend to faint, but it was okay because, George, he knew
exactly how I should act. He told me in this real thick voice that
he wanted me to show him how I looked in the earrings and nothing
else. When I was buck naked and standing there, George looked at me
with his eyes all popping out of his head and making these little
panting noises and, I have to say it, because it's what I thought
at the time, that he looked just like this old rabid raccoon that
had got trapped in our garbage pails one night. Randy had to shoot
it so it wouldn’t bite Muffin, our cat.
I knew I should be acting
all loving and jumping into the bed with him, but I used delaying
tactics instead. I decided right then, and don’t ask me why, 'cause
I don’t know myself why I did it, but I picked
presents and sure, hearing that this perfect coat wasn’t my
“ big ” gift got me
real excited too, because by then I knew enough about the costs of
fancy clothes to know it might be ten thousand dollars just for the
coat alone. And shoot, yes, I liked hearing that I looked like an
angel and nice compliments of that sort, but I strictly did not
like being told what color to wear all the time. Why, I loved all
my new black clothes he had given me, and I thought that black was
the most sophisticated color I could ever wear. And then I didn’t
much like that look he was giving me either. George had started
looking and acting recently like he wanted to lock me up just for
himself and keep me forever. Well I just didn’t like that
much.
See, I liked George fine …
most of the time. Well, to speak the truth and shame the devil as
Mama said, I liked him mostly when I was drunk or high or both, and
I liked it when he gave me things. The sex stuff… well mostly when
that was happening I tried to pretend I was somewhere else, and it
took hardly any time anyway. But I knew I wasn’t in love with him.
Being in love was Donny, and though all my dreams had been
shattered by his marrying someone else, it didn’t make my feelings
for him stop. I knew that I would have to marry someone else myself
one day. I just wasn’t ready to think like that yet. After all, I
had been planning my life with Donny Readle since I was seven years
old, and I couldn’t just change it up on a dime, even though I knew
that I would have to one day.
I wasn’t quite eighteen
yet, and it seemed to me like there should be time, but I didn’t
say any of what I was thinking to George. I just leaned against him
in the car and said “ Thank you, Sugar,
you're so good .” I said it real soft and
sweet like. I mean just because I couldn’t see myself with George
forever like I had with Donny, it wasn’t like I had someone else or
somewhere else to go to. I just decided not to worry about any of
it, and look forward to my present instead.
When we got out to the
cabin, George started hurrying around building up the fire and then
he put out a few lines on the old camp table and poured us both a
shot from his little flask, which was silver, unlike Jessie’s
leather one that she was so proud of. When he had the fire going
real good, George pulled me down beside him onto the bed and
reached into his pocket and handed me this little bitty blue
leather box and said real sweet “ Happy
Valentine's Day, Sugar, I hope you like this .”
My hands were shaking a
little by that time, I think from the coke, but it might have been
from the look on George’s face too. I opened up the box and there
were two diamond studs and I didn’t know for sure then, but I do
now, that they were three carats each. They were huge, each one
bigger than any diamond I had ever seen in my life except for the
boulder that his mama wore on her finger and shoved in everyone’s
face every chance she got.
To tell you the strict
truth, I did not have a word to say. I sure wished Jessie were
there; she would have made a joke or done a cheer. I thought maybe
I could pretend to faint, but it was okay because, George, he knew
exactly how I should act. He told me in this real thick voice that
he wanted me to show him how I looked in the earrings and nothing
else. When I was buck naked and standing there, George looked at me
with his eyes all popping out of his head and making these little
panting noises and, I have to say it, because it's what I thought
at the time, that he looked just like this old rabid raccoon that
had got trapped in our garbage pails one night. Randy had to shoot
it so it wouldn’t bite Muffin, our cat.
I knew I should be acting
all loving and jumping into the bed with him, but I used delaying
tactics instead. I decided right then, and don’t ask me why, 'cause
I don’t know myself why I did it, but I picked
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