place and you don't have your cane?"
He won't settle for "sit down and cry," and instead makes me learn how to feel my way forward, one arm protecting my face, a hand in front of my lower body.
The Great Om. My guide to moving through space.
He says not to try to remember it all, but after he leaves I put as much as I can think of into my tape recorder. The things he teaches, they're not like math or history lessons. I
do
have to remember them all.
So, yeah, school's getting harder.
And at home Gabriel keeps asking if I've shopped for Aunt Emma yet. Sooner or later I'm going to have to tell him I don't know what to buy. And I will feel so dumb, but it's a big thing, to get it right.
Also, I've got my dress for the dance Friday and I don't know what I look like in it, although Aunt Emma tries to tell me when I put it on so she can mark how much to take up the hem.
"The copper matches the highlights in your hair, Mandy," she says. "A nice fitâyou've got a sweet figure."
Uncle Gabriel asks, "Isn't it a little old for her?"
"Nonsense," says Aunt Emma. "She's a young lady."
It's the lowest-cut thing I've ever owned, except a swimsuit, and Aunt Emma says I'm a lady in it. I hope, somewhere, Mom's laughing.
On dance night Hannah picks me up, the way we planned. We get Ryan and go last to Ted's.
"Let's all go in," Hannah says before I have to ask where the door is. Also, this way I can leave my cane in the car, and that's been worrying me. I want Ted to see me in my new dress, without it.
Ted's parents are just like Aunt Emma was after the football game, acting like this date is Ted going on a world cruise. His mother takes so many pictures she has to change film, and his dad offers us cookies. Then his mother fusses over my dress and Hannah's and fixes and refixes Ted's tie.
"I'm sorry about that," says Ted as we walk to the car. He sounds absolutely, miserably embarrassed, which is one way I've never heard him sound before.
"Parents," says Ryan, like it's no big deal. "They're all like that."
I barely hear Hannah's quiet, "No, they're not."
The dance is fantastic.
Whatever worry Ted had about not hearing the music, I realize right away it's not going to be a problem. The DJ has the volume up loud enough to feel, and certainly loud enough to blast its way past Ted's ears.
And I know I can dance. I always have been able to, even if it used to be alone, in front of a mirror.
There's a moment when Ted shouts in my ear, "Want to try?" that I'd chicken out if I could. But he's pulling me into an empty spot, and I'm moving, little movements, and then bigger and bigger.
Dancing in the dark is like nothing I've ever done before. Sometimes I brush against Ted, or get bumped by somebody else, but even that feels good. I dance, and the music goes on and on, and I can imagine what everything looks like with me in the middle of it all.
Me, Mandy, in the middle of it all.
I'm having such a good time it's a shock when the music stops.
"Mandy," says Ted, and his voice seems both unsure and proud, "you're beautiful."
No one's ever told me that before.
When the music starts back up, Ted has to ask, "Are you ready?" because I'm still standing there thinking about what he said.
I find the beat. "Ready," I answer.
We're out there for dance after dance, until suddenly it's time for the DJ to take a break and Hannah and Ryan are next to us. "Come on," Hannah says, "let's get in line for pictures."
And while we're waiting she whispers, "Where'd you learn to dance like that? Mandy, you're good."
"How was the dance?" Emma asks. She and both uncles have waited up.
"Wonderful," I say.
The room is warm from how happy they are for me.
They've got the TV on, and I sit down next to Emma on the sofa. She puts an arm around me, pulls my head to her shoulder. "A good time, huh?"
Her shoulder is bony and soft at once. I guess it won't hurt to be held, a little while.
Then, upstairs, I find someone has gotten my room ready for
He won't settle for "sit down and cry," and instead makes me learn how to feel my way forward, one arm protecting my face, a hand in front of my lower body.
The Great Om. My guide to moving through space.
He says not to try to remember it all, but after he leaves I put as much as I can think of into my tape recorder. The things he teaches, they're not like math or history lessons. I
do
have to remember them all.
So, yeah, school's getting harder.
And at home Gabriel keeps asking if I've shopped for Aunt Emma yet. Sooner or later I'm going to have to tell him I don't know what to buy. And I will feel so dumb, but it's a big thing, to get it right.
Also, I've got my dress for the dance Friday and I don't know what I look like in it, although Aunt Emma tries to tell me when I put it on so she can mark how much to take up the hem.
"The copper matches the highlights in your hair, Mandy," she says. "A nice fitâyou've got a sweet figure."
Uncle Gabriel asks, "Isn't it a little old for her?"
"Nonsense," says Aunt Emma. "She's a young lady."
It's the lowest-cut thing I've ever owned, except a swimsuit, and Aunt Emma says I'm a lady in it. I hope, somewhere, Mom's laughing.
On dance night Hannah picks me up, the way we planned. We get Ryan and go last to Ted's.
"Let's all go in," Hannah says before I have to ask where the door is. Also, this way I can leave my cane in the car, and that's been worrying me. I want Ted to see me in my new dress, without it.
Ted's parents are just like Aunt Emma was after the football game, acting like this date is Ted going on a world cruise. His mother takes so many pictures she has to change film, and his dad offers us cookies. Then his mother fusses over my dress and Hannah's and fixes and refixes Ted's tie.
"I'm sorry about that," says Ted as we walk to the car. He sounds absolutely, miserably embarrassed, which is one way I've never heard him sound before.
"Parents," says Ryan, like it's no big deal. "They're all like that."
I barely hear Hannah's quiet, "No, they're not."
The dance is fantastic.
Whatever worry Ted had about not hearing the music, I realize right away it's not going to be a problem. The DJ has the volume up loud enough to feel, and certainly loud enough to blast its way past Ted's ears.
And I know I can dance. I always have been able to, even if it used to be alone, in front of a mirror.
There's a moment when Ted shouts in my ear, "Want to try?" that I'd chicken out if I could. But he's pulling me into an empty spot, and I'm moving, little movements, and then bigger and bigger.
Dancing in the dark is like nothing I've ever done before. Sometimes I brush against Ted, or get bumped by somebody else, but even that feels good. I dance, and the music goes on and on, and I can imagine what everything looks like with me in the middle of it all.
Me, Mandy, in the middle of it all.
I'm having such a good time it's a shock when the music stops.
"Mandy," says Ted, and his voice seems both unsure and proud, "you're beautiful."
No one's ever told me that before.
When the music starts back up, Ted has to ask, "Are you ready?" because I'm still standing there thinking about what he said.
I find the beat. "Ready," I answer.
We're out there for dance after dance, until suddenly it's time for the DJ to take a break and Hannah and Ryan are next to us. "Come on," Hannah says, "let's get in line for pictures."
And while we're waiting she whispers, "Where'd you learn to dance like that? Mandy, you're good."
"How was the dance?" Emma asks. She and both uncles have waited up.
"Wonderful," I say.
The room is warm from how happy they are for me.
They've got the TV on, and I sit down next to Emma on the sofa. She puts an arm around me, pulls my head to her shoulder. "A good time, huh?"
Her shoulder is bony and soft at once. I guess it won't hurt to be held, a little while.
Then, upstairs, I find someone has gotten my room ready for
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