me.
The more I thought about
it, the more I realized that Joy lived inside her head – always
dreaming about the next adventure.
As much as she can focus
on what she is doing in the present moment, pushing it to the
maximum, the people in her life, its characters almost seemed
interchangeable. Did she truly need me or simply needed someone to
keep her life in order here? Was she really in love with me or did
she love the idea of Loving me. Most importantly, did it really
matter?
I sat back, and wondered
who Joy was in reality compared to who I thought she was. Were they
two and the same?
In the end, all that
mattered was that we were happy together, were we?
I could not remember the
last evening we had spent together alone at home. When was the last
time we had snuggled and read a book, watched TV, simply enjoyed
being together? Would married life change anything or would it
continue to leave me alone at home, while she pursued her infamous
hopes and dreams?
Would she ever really want
to settle down, have a family? Did she even want kids?
I suddenly felt my throat
close. A weight fell on my chest, and I started to
sweat.
She always took everything
as it came, followed the flow wherever it lead. Joy felt that
Destiny was guiding her every step. She had told me, not so long
ago, that she felt I was too negative, and yet, she still wanted to
marry me. Had she actually thought this through? Maybe by putting
her on the spot, I had cornered her into saying “yes.”
The urgency of the moment
needed comfort. I grabbed the phone, entered the country regional
code and called the orphanage.
“May I speak to Joy,
please? This is Ben…”
The office girl could
barely understand me, but after a few minutes, and many people
running around, they managed to find her.
“Hi Ben,” she
said.
“Hi! How are
you?”
“I’m fine. We’re fine. We
just finished eating. It’s nice to hear your voice. How are you
doing?”
“I’m okay, considering. I
had a small party last night with the neighbours. Celebrated our
Engagement, and all that…”
“That’s great,” she said.
“I decided to stay a bit longer. The Orphanage has offered me a
job, with obviously pretty much no pay, but it’s a great
experience, and I feel like I’m making a difference, being useful,
you know?”
“I see. How much longer
are you thinking?”
Silence.
“I’m not really sure just
yet. I think we’re going to play it by ear. Day by day, you
know?”
“Josh is staying
too?”
“Yeah. We’re thinking of
travelling through Europe on our way back. My parents decided to
forward me some money. They sounded quite proud of what I was doing
here for a change. So, I’m happy…”
“How quaint. How did they
react when you told them about us?”
“What do you
mean?”
“About our news… What did
they say?”
Joy was quiet. The silence
became awkward, which rarely happened between us.
“You didn’t tell them?” I
asked.
“I forgot,” she said,
“Sorry…”
“You forgot? How could you
possibly forget to mention something like this?”
“I said I was sorry… Don’t
make a big deal out of it.”
“I’m not. I can call them
and let them know. I could even drop by to say Hi…”
Joy exhaled loudly. “I’d
rather tell them myself, if you don’t mind, when the time is
right.”
“What do you mean? Are you
having doubts too?” I asked.
“You’re having doubts?”
Joy asked.
“Don’t turn the
conversation around!” I said
This was going
well.
“I shouldn’t have called.”
I said, exasperated.
“If that’s how you
feel...”
I hung up. I should not
have called. I regretted how the conversation had turned. I wish I
could erase that phone call from history, and pretend it had not
happened. Maybe that is what I would do.
Joy. My Joy. Always
running away from the truth.
In many ways, she was the
bravest coward I had ever met. She was capable of travelling around
the world on missions she created for
The more I thought about
it, the more I realized that Joy lived inside her head – always
dreaming about the next adventure.
As much as she can focus
on what she is doing in the present moment, pushing it to the
maximum, the people in her life, its characters almost seemed
interchangeable. Did she truly need me or simply needed someone to
keep her life in order here? Was she really in love with me or did
she love the idea of Loving me. Most importantly, did it really
matter?
I sat back, and wondered
who Joy was in reality compared to who I thought she was. Were they
two and the same?
In the end, all that
mattered was that we were happy together, were we?
I could not remember the
last evening we had spent together alone at home. When was the last
time we had snuggled and read a book, watched TV, simply enjoyed
being together? Would married life change anything or would it
continue to leave me alone at home, while she pursued her infamous
hopes and dreams?
Would she ever really want
to settle down, have a family? Did she even want kids?
I suddenly felt my throat
close. A weight fell on my chest, and I started to
sweat.
She always took everything
as it came, followed the flow wherever it lead. Joy felt that
Destiny was guiding her every step. She had told me, not so long
ago, that she felt I was too negative, and yet, she still wanted to
marry me. Had she actually thought this through? Maybe by putting
her on the spot, I had cornered her into saying “yes.”
The urgency of the moment
needed comfort. I grabbed the phone, entered the country regional
code and called the orphanage.
“May I speak to Joy,
please? This is Ben…”
The office girl could
barely understand me, but after a few minutes, and many people
running around, they managed to find her.
“Hi Ben,” she
said.
“Hi! How are
you?”
“I’m fine. We’re fine. We
just finished eating. It’s nice to hear your voice. How are you
doing?”
“I’m okay, considering. I
had a small party last night with the neighbours. Celebrated our
Engagement, and all that…”
“That’s great,” she said.
“I decided to stay a bit longer. The Orphanage has offered me a
job, with obviously pretty much no pay, but it’s a great
experience, and I feel like I’m making a difference, being useful,
you know?”
“I see. How much longer
are you thinking?”
Silence.
“I’m not really sure just
yet. I think we’re going to play it by ear. Day by day, you
know?”
“Josh is staying
too?”
“Yeah. We’re thinking of
travelling through Europe on our way back. My parents decided to
forward me some money. They sounded quite proud of what I was doing
here for a change. So, I’m happy…”
“How quaint. How did they
react when you told them about us?”
“What do you
mean?”
“About our news… What did
they say?”
Joy was quiet. The silence
became awkward, which rarely happened between us.
“You didn’t tell them?” I
asked.
“I forgot,” she said,
“Sorry…”
“You forgot? How could you
possibly forget to mention something like this?”
“I said I was sorry… Don’t
make a big deal out of it.”
“I’m not. I can call them
and let them know. I could even drop by to say Hi…”
Joy exhaled loudly. “I’d
rather tell them myself, if you don’t mind, when the time is
right.”
“What do you mean? Are you
having doubts too?” I asked.
“You’re having doubts?”
Joy asked.
“Don’t turn the
conversation around!” I said
This was going
well.
“I shouldn’t have called.”
I said, exasperated.
“If that’s how you
feel...”
I hung up. I should not
have called. I regretted how the conversation had turned. I wish I
could erase that phone call from history, and pretend it had not
happened. Maybe that is what I would do.
Joy. My Joy. Always
running away from the truth.
In many ways, she was the
bravest coward I had ever met. She was capable of travelling around
the world on missions she created for
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