Thorn Boy and Other Dreams of Dark Desire by Storm Constantine Page A

‘I thought you knew.’
    ‘ Look at
me!’ I said.
    He did so,
blinking. I wanted to hit him, to kiss him.
    ‘ Akaten,
what are you doing?’
    He ran his
fingers down both sides of my face. ‘I don’t know. I just wanted to
walk with you.’
    This was what
I wanted. It had to be, and yet, my insecurities flood my mind. I
should have taken him in my arms then, but a cruel spirit took hold
of me. I desired him, yet in my confusion wanted to hurt him. My
words were unforgivable. ‘Think of your dead Khan!’ I shook his
arm. ‘Only a short while ago, you wanted to die for him. What’s
this all about now? How can you be so fickle?’
    He pulled away
from my hold, rubbing the flesh where I had touched him. ‘Don’t,
Darien! Don’t say that!’ I saw his shoulders move. I heard him
weep.
    ‘ What do
you expect?’
    He turned on
me then, angrily palming away his tears. ‘Expect? Understanding.
Was I so mistaken about you? I expect comfort, warmth. I always
believed that’s what friends were for.’
    His anger
pierced my heart more than his grief could ever do. ‘Are we really
friends, Akaten? You see life as a simple process, but it is
not.’
    He sighed, all
the rage drained out of him. He was not a creature disposed to
anger. ‘My life before seems unreal. I can hardly remember living
it. Sometimes I think someone only told me about it. It’s hard to
recall how I felt.’ He laughed uncertainly, clawed his fingers
through his hair. ‘It was the philtres they gave me. I think they
did something to me, something permanent.’ He laughed. ‘Akaten is
dead. Yes, that’s it!’
    I disliked the
gleam in his eyes. It seemed dangerous, a return to the territory
of self-destructive grief, despite his words of feeling nothing.
‘Take hold of yourself,’ I said. ‘You sound mad.’
    He was still
laughing, and staggered away from me to lean his forehead against
the tree. I saw his long fingers flexing against the bark. I went
to him and put my hands on his shoulders. ‘What am I doing here?’
he murmured. ‘What’s happening to me?’
    I turned him
round. His eyes were black, full of pain. I could resist no longer,
and wound my arms around him. ‘Akaten, you have suffered, and it
takes time to get over that. You mind was dulled, yes, but it was
for your own safety.’
    ‘ I am
destroyed by grief,’ he said, ignoring my remarks, ‘and that is why
I’m so confused. If I loved Harakhte above all others, why do I
want you?’
    I couldn’t
answer, but pulled him closer, expelling a groan of need. He could
be no more confused than I.
    ‘ Yes,’
Akaten murmured, as if coming to a decision, and then we were
kissing in the night-shadow of the branches. A voice whispered in
my head, You’ve come home, come
home ...
    After some
minutes, Akaten broke away from me. ‘Water,’ he said. ‘I need to be
near water.’
    I took his arm
and led him towards the lakes. He staggered at my side, his fingers
digging into my flesh. I took him to a place where thick evergreens
shrouded the edge of the water, and here we sat down. Akaten took
off his shoes and put his feet into the lake. White birds stood
sleeping around us, like statues.
    ‘ Can we
swim?’ Akaten said.
    I shuddered.
‘No! This place is not for swimming. It’s full of weeds and
mud.’
    Akaten sighed.
‘I should have known you’d say that.’ He got to his feet and began
to undress himself.
    ‘ Don’t,’
I said. ‘You’ll regret it.’
    ‘ Perhaps.’ He stood before me unashamedly naked. ‘Come with
me, Darien. Be daring.’ Without waiting to see whether I’d comply
or not, he stepped into the water and began to wade out to where it
became deeper. I watched him splashing around, wondering how long
it would take for the guards to hear him and come investigating. I
was thinking about whether he’d come back to my rooms, whether we
could make love.
    Presently, he
came back to the bank and lay shivering beside me, his skin striped
with slimy weed.