I’m taking time to be with myself. Get to know myself and all that crap.’
‘Do you know yourself yet?’
‘Of course. I like myself so much I’m planning to spend the rest of my life with me.’
He smiled. ‘Or at least fifteen minutes more.’
I looked at the clock. ‘We have forty-five minutes left.’
‘You’ll leave early. You always do.’
I swallowed. ‘So?’
‘So nothing. I was just pointing it out. Would you like some examples?’ He tapped the keyboard before I had time to answer. ‘Christmas dinner in your parents’ house. You left before dessert. Didn’t even make main course the year before, a new record.’
‘I’d a party to go to.’
‘Which you left early.’
My mouth fell open. ‘Nobody even noticed.’
‘Well, that’s where you’re wrong. Again. It was noted.’
‘Noted by who?’
‘By whom,’ he corrected and pressed the down button over and over. I wanted to move to the edge of my seat but I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction. I sat quietly looking around the office, pretending I didn’t care. And because I was pretending I didn’t care, I realised that meant I did.
Finally he stopped tapping.
My head whipped around to face him.
He smiled. Then he pressed the down button again.
‘This is ridiculous.’
‘I’m sorry, am I boring you?’
‘Actually, yes.’
‘Well, now you know how I feel.’ He stopped tapping. ‘Melanie.’
My best friend. ‘What about her?’
‘She was the girl who was peeved about your leaving early.’
‘Nobody says “peeved”.’
‘Quote, “I wish for once she could just stay until the end.” Unquote.’
I was a bit annoyed about that, I’m sure I could think of plenty of times I had stayed till the end.
‘Her twenty-first,’ he said.
‘What about it?’
‘The last time you stayed until the end of one of her parties. In fact, they couldn’t get rid of you, could they? You slept overnight.’
Tap, tap, tap.
‘With her cousin.’
Tap.
‘Bobby.’
I groaned. ‘She didn’t care about that.’
Tap tap tap.
‘Quote, “How could she do this to me on my birthday? My grandparents are here, everybody knows. I’m mortified.” Unquote.’
‘She didn’t tell me that.’
He just shrugged.
‘Why is this a big deal? Why are we talking about this?’
‘Because they are.’
Tap tap tap.
‘“I’m sorry she left, Mum, want me to go talk to her?” That’s Riley, your brother.’
‘Yeah, I get it.’
‘“No, sweetheart, I’m sure she’s got somewhere more important to be.” Unquote. You left your family lunch yesterday thirty-two minutes ahead of time in a rather dramatic fashion.’
‘Yesterday was different.’
‘Why was it different?’
‘Because they betrayed me.’
‘How did they do that?’
‘By signing off on my life audit.’
He smiled, ‘Now that’s a good analogy. But if they hadn’t, you wouldn’t be here, with me.’
‘Yes, and look how swell it’s all going.’
Silence.
‘So let’s cut to the chase. This meeting is about me leaving dinners and parties early.’ That wasn’t so bad, I could deal with that, I would just explain why I left each event, where I was going afterwards. This whole thing could be over sooner than I thought.
He started laughing. ‘Hell, no. I just got sidetracked.’ He looked at his watch. ‘We don’t have much time to cover anything. Shall we arrange to meet again?’
‘We’ve got thirty minutes left.’
‘No more than five going by your usual exit strategy.’
‘Get on with it,’ I said.
‘Okay.’ He leaned forward. ‘So what are you doing?’
‘What do you mean, what am I doing? I’m sitting here, wasting my time talking to you, is what I’m doing.’
For the next part he didn’t need notes, he just stared straight into me. ‘You get up at seven a.m. every morning except Saturdays and Sundays when you arise at one p.m.’
‘So?’
‘You have a nutrition bar from your corner cupboard, a cappuccino
‘Do you know yourself yet?’
‘Of course. I like myself so much I’m planning to spend the rest of my life with me.’
He smiled. ‘Or at least fifteen minutes more.’
I looked at the clock. ‘We have forty-five minutes left.’
‘You’ll leave early. You always do.’
I swallowed. ‘So?’
‘So nothing. I was just pointing it out. Would you like some examples?’ He tapped the keyboard before I had time to answer. ‘Christmas dinner in your parents’ house. You left before dessert. Didn’t even make main course the year before, a new record.’
‘I’d a party to go to.’
‘Which you left early.’
My mouth fell open. ‘Nobody even noticed.’
‘Well, that’s where you’re wrong. Again. It was noted.’
‘Noted by who?’
‘By whom,’ he corrected and pressed the down button over and over. I wanted to move to the edge of my seat but I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction. I sat quietly looking around the office, pretending I didn’t care. And because I was pretending I didn’t care, I realised that meant I did.
Finally he stopped tapping.
My head whipped around to face him.
He smiled. Then he pressed the down button again.
‘This is ridiculous.’
‘I’m sorry, am I boring you?’
‘Actually, yes.’
‘Well, now you know how I feel.’ He stopped tapping. ‘Melanie.’
My best friend. ‘What about her?’
‘She was the girl who was peeved about your leaving early.’
‘Nobody says “peeved”.’
‘Quote, “I wish for once she could just stay until the end.” Unquote.’
I was a bit annoyed about that, I’m sure I could think of plenty of times I had stayed till the end.
‘Her twenty-first,’ he said.
‘What about it?’
‘The last time you stayed until the end of one of her parties. In fact, they couldn’t get rid of you, could they? You slept overnight.’
Tap, tap, tap.
‘With her cousin.’
Tap.
‘Bobby.’
I groaned. ‘She didn’t care about that.’
Tap tap tap.
‘Quote, “How could she do this to me on my birthday? My grandparents are here, everybody knows. I’m mortified.” Unquote.’
‘She didn’t tell me that.’
He just shrugged.
‘Why is this a big deal? Why are we talking about this?’
‘Because they are.’
Tap tap tap.
‘“I’m sorry she left, Mum, want me to go talk to her?” That’s Riley, your brother.’
‘Yeah, I get it.’
‘“No, sweetheart, I’m sure she’s got somewhere more important to be.” Unquote. You left your family lunch yesterday thirty-two minutes ahead of time in a rather dramatic fashion.’
‘Yesterday was different.’
‘Why was it different?’
‘Because they betrayed me.’
‘How did they do that?’
‘By signing off on my life audit.’
He smiled, ‘Now that’s a good analogy. But if they hadn’t, you wouldn’t be here, with me.’
‘Yes, and look how swell it’s all going.’
Silence.
‘So let’s cut to the chase. This meeting is about me leaving dinners and parties early.’ That wasn’t so bad, I could deal with that, I would just explain why I left each event, where I was going afterwards. This whole thing could be over sooner than I thought.
He started laughing. ‘Hell, no. I just got sidetracked.’ He looked at his watch. ‘We don’t have much time to cover anything. Shall we arrange to meet again?’
‘We’ve got thirty minutes left.’
‘No more than five going by your usual exit strategy.’
‘Get on with it,’ I said.
‘Okay.’ He leaned forward. ‘So what are you doing?’
‘What do you mean, what am I doing? I’m sitting here, wasting my time talking to you, is what I’m doing.’
For the next part he didn’t need notes, he just stared straight into me. ‘You get up at seven a.m. every morning except Saturdays and Sundays when you arise at one p.m.’
‘So?’
‘You have a nutrition bar from your corner cupboard, a cappuccino
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