Time Out of Mind by John R. Maxim Page A

boy's troubled dreams and nighttime fears and at the end of the worst of them he would feel her holding him, rocking him, in her slender arms. She was there when he was in college but she was different by then. Where before she'd been a wraithlike but comforting mother or aunt, she was now a young woman, his own age or close to it, and she was everything a young woman should be. Loving, giving, bright, and gay. Jonathan had known many girls while he was in college. A few were special to him. But none who even began to be so wonderful as this woman whose name he did not know.
    Margaret. Her name is Margaret.
    Looking back, Corbin realized that he might never have come to New York if it were not for Margaret. He would have stayed in Chicago because Gwen would have stayed. She would not have left him after two good years of living together. Two very good years. We should think about get ting married, Gwen had said. Just think about it. Jonathan had said yes. Yes, we should think about it. And more time passed.
    “ If I'm going to have babies,” Gwen said, “one at least, it should be soon.”
    “ Sure.” Corbin smiled. He liked that idea, having a child with Gwen. A son. Especially a son. ''We’ll have to start thinking about that.”
    “ We've been thinking about it.”
    “ Soon. We'll decide something soon.”
    “ You like to dream about it, Jonathan, but you always start to squirm when we talk about actually making it hap pen. Do you want children or don't you?”
    ” I do. Very much.”
    “ But not if marriage is part of the bargain, I take it. What is it, Jonathan? Perhaps you think I'd be an unfit mother? P erhaps I've tarnished myself forever by living in sin with you.”
    “ Oh, for Pete's sake, Gwen.”
    “ Jonathan, do you want to marry me or not?”
    “ Gwen”—:he took her hands—”I love you. I do. But I can't. I mean, I just need a little time.”
    She had pressed him for a decision he could not bring himself to make. And for reasons he couldn't bring himself to say aloud. They were too stupid. Childish. How could he tell her of this fantasy woman that he could not push out of his mind? It would sound so dumb. And it would have hurt her. But Gwen, being Gwen, would have been willing to deal with it. She would have pointed out to him that all men probably have fantasy lovers at one time or another. Women, too. Nothing wrong with that.
    But there was another ghost. A man. Not the man he became when it snowed but someone else. This one was tall, taller than Corbin, and very thin. He was dressed like an undertaker. Like the green-eyed woman, this one had lived in a distant corner of his mind for as long as he could remember. Unlike the woman, this man hated him. He hated Corbin, and if Corbin had had a wife and children, he would have hated them, too. Enough to kill them. All of them.
    This was still another thing that caused Corbin to main tain a distance between Gwen and himself. It was not so much that Corbin feared the hatred of the man in black. To fear him would be to acknowledge that he was real. And to do that would be to acknowledge what Corbin had long begun to suspect, that in the same dark corner of his mind where this man lived, a certain madness had taken root and was growing by degrees. He could not ask Gwen to share that. Corbin would fight it by himself. One on one. The way he used to do in the boxing ring. Except in the ring you didn't have far to look for the enemy. He was right there and he couldn't hide.
    Gwen stayed with Corbin. They enjoyed each other al most as much as ever, but a cloud had formed. A few months later a job opened up in New York. Gwen was perfect for it. Her salary would nearly double. Her boss, reluctantly, said she'd be crazy to pass it up. Gwen asked for a month to decide. She was given ten days. On the ninth day she took Corbin out to dinner.
    ” I have to ask you again, Jonathan.” Her hand was in his across the table. “Do you want to marry me or