under a quilt,
warm and snug, while a storm raged outside. I even liked the
lightning and thunder...until I saw a silhouette outside my window. I
sat up with a start and waited for the next flash. When it came, I saw
nothing.
Had I been dreaming?
Zander
Sitting alone in Riley's tiny living room, night-owl me
admitted that Riley's liking football could be added to the growing
list of her charms. Not that it wasn't long enough already. I could
only hope she had a dark side that would scare me away.
Chuckling softly at that ridiculous notion, I deliberately
moved on to something else, namely Angela aka Sissy. She
desperately wanted me to go home and make peace with the 'rents,
probably so we could spend Christmas together as one big happy
family.
What a joke. At the moment, I didn't have the stomach for
living that myth anymore. I'd tried to see things from their point of
view. I really had. And I perfectly understood that their big plans for
me had been crushed when I got hurt. But that was just it. Their big
plans had never been mine.
All the same, I battled with the guilt of "disappointing" my
folks even as I fumed because they actually believed that I had. If
every vet struggled with this garbage, it was no wonder the suicide
rate of the military continued to climb. Damn. Weren't our
readjustment issues bad enough without our loved ones piling on
their shit?
Grabbing my phone, I tried to call Kyle. It went straight to
voice mail. I left a short call-me message. As I lay my phone on the
cushion, I heard Riley's headboard bump the wall between us as if
she tossed and turned. Was she dreaming again? I knew all about
haunted sleep and wished for a split second I could crawl into her
bed and chase her bad memories away. But seeing my battle scars
would be the real nightmare.
Impulsively, I called Domingo Perez, a buddy of mine. If any
vet had his act together, it was him. I credited his wife Ella with that.
Her and his two kids. He'd never had a chance to mope around once
he made it home, even though he'd suffered severe internal injuries
that compromised quality of life.
"Yo, Xman." That's how he always answered. "What's
happening?"
"Nothing much. Just wanted to tell you I've moved out of the
trailer park."
"You left the tin ghetto?" He sounded surprised. "Why?"
"This girl I met Saturday needed someone to share rent. I
wanted to give you the address." Complete silence followed once I'd
done that. I could imagine what he was thinking. "Don't read
anything into this, okay? It's strictly platonic."
"Sure it is. Describe her."
"Um...smart, friendly--"
Dom's snort cut me off. "I meant how does she look?"
"Nice."
"Can you be more specific?"
"Five-three, one-ten."
"Long brown hair?"
"Roger that."
"Brown eyes?"
"Roger that, too."
"Nice tits?"
"Her tits are none of your damn business," I said. Dom
busted out laughing, which told me I'd been had. "Shut the eff up, will
ya?"
"When Xman has just admitted he followed his favorite type
girl home? A girl he met Saturday and now won't talk about?
No way in hell, dude. I've got questions."
"Tough shit. All you need to know is that we're just friends.
I'm not ruining anyone else's life."
Dom groaned. "This is insane. You blame yourself for
disappointing your parents, for not finishing college, for not saving
the world, for not dying. Come on, Zander. You deserve happiness
just as much as the next guy. And if you think this girl can give you
that, you've got to go for it. Now when can I meet her?"
"Not happening," I told him, abruptly ending the call.
I sat without moving for several minutes afterward, thinking
about what Dom had said.
Bottom line? A search for happiness had nothing to do with
my move into the duplex. I simply wanted to protect Riley.
But was it really smart to make her safety my daily goal,
especially after I'd failed others so miserably in the past?
Chapter Eight
Riley
Tuesday at UT was a repeat of Monday, right down to
glancing over my shoulder
warm and snug, while a storm raged outside. I even liked the
lightning and thunder...until I saw a silhouette outside my window. I
sat up with a start and waited for the next flash. When it came, I saw
nothing.
Had I been dreaming?
Zander
Sitting alone in Riley's tiny living room, night-owl me
admitted that Riley's liking football could be added to the growing
list of her charms. Not that it wasn't long enough already. I could
only hope she had a dark side that would scare me away.
Chuckling softly at that ridiculous notion, I deliberately
moved on to something else, namely Angela aka Sissy. She
desperately wanted me to go home and make peace with the 'rents,
probably so we could spend Christmas together as one big happy
family.
What a joke. At the moment, I didn't have the stomach for
living that myth anymore. I'd tried to see things from their point of
view. I really had. And I perfectly understood that their big plans for
me had been crushed when I got hurt. But that was just it. Their big
plans had never been mine.
All the same, I battled with the guilt of "disappointing" my
folks even as I fumed because they actually believed that I had. If
every vet struggled with this garbage, it was no wonder the suicide
rate of the military continued to climb. Damn. Weren't our
readjustment issues bad enough without our loved ones piling on
their shit?
Grabbing my phone, I tried to call Kyle. It went straight to
voice mail. I left a short call-me message. As I lay my phone on the
cushion, I heard Riley's headboard bump the wall between us as if
she tossed and turned. Was she dreaming again? I knew all about
haunted sleep and wished for a split second I could crawl into her
bed and chase her bad memories away. But seeing my battle scars
would be the real nightmare.
Impulsively, I called Domingo Perez, a buddy of mine. If any
vet had his act together, it was him. I credited his wife Ella with that.
Her and his two kids. He'd never had a chance to mope around once
he made it home, even though he'd suffered severe internal injuries
that compromised quality of life.
"Yo, Xman." That's how he always answered. "What's
happening?"
"Nothing much. Just wanted to tell you I've moved out of the
trailer park."
"You left the tin ghetto?" He sounded surprised. "Why?"
"This girl I met Saturday needed someone to share rent. I
wanted to give you the address." Complete silence followed once I'd
done that. I could imagine what he was thinking. "Don't read
anything into this, okay? It's strictly platonic."
"Sure it is. Describe her."
"Um...smart, friendly--"
Dom's snort cut me off. "I meant how does she look?"
"Nice."
"Can you be more specific?"
"Five-three, one-ten."
"Long brown hair?"
"Roger that."
"Brown eyes?"
"Roger that, too."
"Nice tits?"
"Her tits are none of your damn business," I said. Dom
busted out laughing, which told me I'd been had. "Shut the eff up, will
ya?"
"When Xman has just admitted he followed his favorite type
girl home? A girl he met Saturday and now won't talk about?
No way in hell, dude. I've got questions."
"Tough shit. All you need to know is that we're just friends.
I'm not ruining anyone else's life."
Dom groaned. "This is insane. You blame yourself for
disappointing your parents, for not finishing college, for not saving
the world, for not dying. Come on, Zander. You deserve happiness
just as much as the next guy. And if you think this girl can give you
that, you've got to go for it. Now when can I meet her?"
"Not happening," I told him, abruptly ending the call.
I sat without moving for several minutes afterward, thinking
about what Dom had said.
Bottom line? A search for happiness had nothing to do with
my move into the duplex. I simply wanted to protect Riley.
But was it really smart to make her safety my daily goal,
especially after I'd failed others so miserably in the past?
Chapter Eight
Riley
Tuesday at UT was a repeat of Monday, right down to
glancing over my shoulder
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