Tommy Puke and the Boy with the Golden Barf by Robert T. Jeschonek Page B
Authors: Robert T. Jeschonek
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wood-chipper."
That's everyone's cue to move. The other high-schoolers come with him, and I hear the eighth-graders stomping up behind me.
As for me, I just turn so I can see both packs of hyenas. My heart's pounding, my blood's pumping, my moment has arrived.
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*****
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Chapter 23
I raise my arms, extending them out from my sides. I smile as I close my eyes.
And then I do what Chonganda told me to do. I reach deep inside and switch on the power, simple as that. I will it to surge up out of me, focused on the three goons closing in on either side . I feel it rush out of me in a searing, shuddering wave.
So w hat does the secret filth look like? What does the eighth emanation do? I don't know; Chonganda never said, and this is the first time I've tried it.
What do I expect? Something extreme, for sure. Sprays of multicolored acid sweat exploding from my pores. Pulsating beams of radiation that burn away hair and melt bones into syrup. Rampaging toe jamb virals sporting pincers and fangs and suckers. Some kind of fourth-dimensional brain-poop that exists beyond time and space and drives the human mind into a state of permanent, shrieking insanity.
But it's nothing like that at all. I open my eyes as the emanation flows out of me, and all I see is a glittering mist rippling out from my body. The bullies storm through it and grab me without slowing down.
At first, I'm more disappointed in the lack of spectacular special effects than I'm worried about taking a beating. After all the buildup from Chonganda about how great the Eighth Emanation is, I'm in major let-down mode.
But then, suddenly, I realize there is an impact. It was just delayed a little.
Without a word , the six bullies stop hassling me. They start co ughing and gagging and groaning and clutching their stomachs and mouths. Their bellies rumble ominously, and burps escape between their fingers. Farts squeak and hiss out of them, paving the way for what comes next.
Then, they become a team of roaring gushers. Every one of their bodily openings flushes at once.
Vomit blasts from every mouth in retching harmony. At the same time, every butt explodes with diarrhea , and every bladder shoots out fountains of pee. Streams of green mucus ooze from every nostril, just as rivers of yellow sweat gush out of armpits. Globs of ear wax curdles out of every ear, mixing with blizzards of flaky dandruff rolling out of every haircut.
And it just keeps coming. It should stop, it really should, because people shouldn't have that much gunk in them...but it doesn't.
Which is totally fine with me. However long the putrid outpouring lasts, these six had it coming .
"Thanks, Chonganda." I say it as I walk away, leaving the six bullies puking, pooping, peeing, spewing, sweating, and oozing behind me. Something tells me this is the end of our not-so-beautiful non-friendship . I don't think they'll be abusing me anymore.
And I owe it all to Chonganda...and someone else, of course. Someone who came to my rescue once, took me on the adventure of a lifetime, and helped me find the courage to stop shaking and stand up for myself and my friends. Which is why, as I walk down the street, I say one more thank-you, though I don't really think I have to. I'm pretty sure he already knows how I feel.
But I say it anyway, because he deserves it .
"Thank you, Tommy Puke."
*****
Â
If you liked Tommy Puke and the Boy with the Golden Barf ,
you'll love LUMP !
Â
Meet a kid so bad, he gets a lump of coal every year...and likes it! Neighborhood bully Buzz Scanlan takes pride in his annual lump, which he sees as a black badge of badness. But this year, when the coal doesn't come, the ten-year-old holy terror becomes a bad boy on a mission. He roams from one victim of his wicked mischief to the next, digging for dirt on the one nice thing he must have done to deserve no coal. When everyone agrees he's been nothing but naughty, he nearly gives up the hunt...until he stumbles
That's everyone's cue to move. The other high-schoolers come with him, and I hear the eighth-graders stomping up behind me.
As for me, I just turn so I can see both packs of hyenas. My heart's pounding, my blood's pumping, my moment has arrived.
Â
*****
Â
Chapter 23
I raise my arms, extending them out from my sides. I smile as I close my eyes.
And then I do what Chonganda told me to do. I reach deep inside and switch on the power, simple as that. I will it to surge up out of me, focused on the three goons closing in on either side . I feel it rush out of me in a searing, shuddering wave.
So w hat does the secret filth look like? What does the eighth emanation do? I don't know; Chonganda never said, and this is the first time I've tried it.
What do I expect? Something extreme, for sure. Sprays of multicolored acid sweat exploding from my pores. Pulsating beams of radiation that burn away hair and melt bones into syrup. Rampaging toe jamb virals sporting pincers and fangs and suckers. Some kind of fourth-dimensional brain-poop that exists beyond time and space and drives the human mind into a state of permanent, shrieking insanity.
But it's nothing like that at all. I open my eyes as the emanation flows out of me, and all I see is a glittering mist rippling out from my body. The bullies storm through it and grab me without slowing down.
At first, I'm more disappointed in the lack of spectacular special effects than I'm worried about taking a beating. After all the buildup from Chonganda about how great the Eighth Emanation is, I'm in major let-down mode.
But then, suddenly, I realize there is an impact. It was just delayed a little.
Without a word , the six bullies stop hassling me. They start co ughing and gagging and groaning and clutching their stomachs and mouths. Their bellies rumble ominously, and burps escape between their fingers. Farts squeak and hiss out of them, paving the way for what comes next.
Then, they become a team of roaring gushers. Every one of their bodily openings flushes at once.
Vomit blasts from every mouth in retching harmony. At the same time, every butt explodes with diarrhea , and every bladder shoots out fountains of pee. Streams of green mucus ooze from every nostril, just as rivers of yellow sweat gush out of armpits. Globs of ear wax curdles out of every ear, mixing with blizzards of flaky dandruff rolling out of every haircut.
And it just keeps coming. It should stop, it really should, because people shouldn't have that much gunk in them...but it doesn't.
Which is totally fine with me. However long the putrid outpouring lasts, these six had it coming .
"Thanks, Chonganda." I say it as I walk away, leaving the six bullies puking, pooping, peeing, spewing, sweating, and oozing behind me. Something tells me this is the end of our not-so-beautiful non-friendship . I don't think they'll be abusing me anymore.
And I owe it all to Chonganda...and someone else, of course. Someone who came to my rescue once, took me on the adventure of a lifetime, and helped me find the courage to stop shaking and stand up for myself and my friends. Which is why, as I walk down the street, I say one more thank-you, though I don't really think I have to. I'm pretty sure he already knows how I feel.
But I say it anyway, because he deserves it .
"Thank you, Tommy Puke."
*****
Â
If you liked Tommy Puke and the Boy with the Golden Barf ,
you'll love LUMP !
Â
Meet a kid so bad, he gets a lump of coal every year...and likes it! Neighborhood bully Buzz Scanlan takes pride in his annual lump, which he sees as a black badge of badness. But this year, when the coal doesn't come, the ten-year-old holy terror becomes a bad boy on a mission. He roams from one victim of his wicked mischief to the next, digging for dirt on the one nice thing he must have done to deserve no coal. When everyone agrees he's been nothing but naughty, he nearly gives up the hunt...until he stumbles
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