shore.
"I never once thought he would become my whole life. The laugh is on
me." The tight dryness of her voice was echoed in her eyes.
"God,
Cle, don't! Cry. Do something. I can't bear to see you like this." Jaime's
voice had a surprised hurt to it.
"Don't
look like that Jaime. I'll be fine. Just don't ask me to come to the conference
today."
Jaime
had nodded and left her, his face troubled.
In
the ensuing days, it seemed to Cle that Jaime hovered close but she barely
took note of his presence. She poured every bit of energy she had into the new
collection.
She
hadn't expected to hear from Dev the first days after his departure, but she
had hoped. When a week passed and she hadn't heard from him, she was convinced
that he didn't want her around any more.
One
day when she was in Jaime's studio, Dev seemed to loom in her mind. She
couldn't concentrate.
Finally
Jaime slammed down the pointer he was using and threw her a disgusted look.
"All right, Cle. You have to get over this. You're no good to yourself or
to me. You need to get away for a few days."
"I
need to get away for a long time," she burst out, her voice raw, bitter.
"I'd like to disappear."
Jaime's
mouth opened then shut again. He put his right hand up to his chin, rubbing in
slow motion. "Would you now? Get away is that it? That might be arranged,
Cle, and it would be a help to me as well as you." He walked over to her
and lifted her from the chair. "Go back to your board. I have a few calls
to make. I'll come down to you in a little while."
Cle
tried to work in Jaime's absence but her mind felt like a sodden sponge. It
could hold no more.
She
was still doodling on her sketch pad thirty minutes later when Jaime stepped into
her cubicle, closed the door, and looked at her with gremlin glee. He opened a
brown paper bag and removed a jar of peanut butter and some English crackers
and one solid silver knife, gleaming rich in the fluorescent light.
"We
celebrate, my dove. I've just talked to Max Brainerd and he tells me he is
still interested in having a protégé of mine come out and give him some ideas.
He was very enthusiastic when I mentioned your name because he and I had
talked of you in our last conversation. He would love you to come. What do you
say, Cle? Would you like to work for Brainerd for a year or two, then come back
to me?"
"
Australia
!"
Cle looked at him, mouth agape. "I never thought of going so far
away."
"It
would help you at this point in your life. Then you could always come back to
me when you'd gotten over Carstairs."
Cle's
eyes flashed to his face, pain like lava flowing through her veins.
Jaime
touched her cheek with one finger. "Yes, you'll get over him, little
Cleora, then you and I will work together again. That's the way it should be.
Not this way, you wasting away, pining like one of those old time heroines. He
isn't worth it. You don't fit in his life and you don't want to. This is the
life for you. Am I right?"
"I'll...
I'll think about it, Jaime. I'll tell you tomorrow what I've decided."
Jaime
had frowned but then shrugged.
All
the way home Cle prayed that Dev would call. She had never imagined that being
parted from him could cause this much pain. She felt as though someone had
amputated her arms without anesthesia. The blood dripped from her body and
there was no staunching the wounds. She had to have a phone call from him to
save her life.
She
paced the apartment the whole evening, waiting for the phone to ring just as
she had on all the other evenings since Dev's departure. Only tonight the
feeling of loss was more intense. Tonight she would make the decision to stay
or leave him forever.
At
dawn she was lying staring at the ceiling. Dev was so angry when he left. He hadn't
tried to make it up. She felt certain he was through with her. Pain had turned
into numbness. She had to get out of his apartment. She would leave a note for
Mrs. Hubbard telling her that she would be leaving for a while. By the time
"I never once thought he would become my whole life. The laugh is on
me." The tight dryness of her voice was echoed in her eyes.
"God,
Cle, don't! Cry. Do something. I can't bear to see you like this." Jaime's
voice had a surprised hurt to it.
"Don't
look like that Jaime. I'll be fine. Just don't ask me to come to the conference
today."
Jaime
had nodded and left her, his face troubled.
In
the ensuing days, it seemed to Cle that Jaime hovered close but she barely
took note of his presence. She poured every bit of energy she had into the new
collection.
She
hadn't expected to hear from Dev the first days after his departure, but she
had hoped. When a week passed and she hadn't heard from him, she was convinced
that he didn't want her around any more.
One
day when she was in Jaime's studio, Dev seemed to loom in her mind. She
couldn't concentrate.
Finally
Jaime slammed down the pointer he was using and threw her a disgusted look.
"All right, Cle. You have to get over this. You're no good to yourself or
to me. You need to get away for a few days."
"I
need to get away for a long time," she burst out, her voice raw, bitter.
"I'd like to disappear."
Jaime's
mouth opened then shut again. He put his right hand up to his chin, rubbing in
slow motion. "Would you now? Get away is that it? That might be arranged,
Cle, and it would be a help to me as well as you." He walked over to her
and lifted her from the chair. "Go back to your board. I have a few calls
to make. I'll come down to you in a little while."
Cle
tried to work in Jaime's absence but her mind felt like a sodden sponge. It
could hold no more.
She
was still doodling on her sketch pad thirty minutes later when Jaime stepped into
her cubicle, closed the door, and looked at her with gremlin glee. He opened a
brown paper bag and removed a jar of peanut butter and some English crackers
and one solid silver knife, gleaming rich in the fluorescent light.
"We
celebrate, my dove. I've just talked to Max Brainerd and he tells me he is
still interested in having a protégé of mine come out and give him some ideas.
He was very enthusiastic when I mentioned your name because he and I had
talked of you in our last conversation. He would love you to come. What do you
say, Cle? Would you like to work for Brainerd for a year or two, then come back
to me?"
"
Australia
!"
Cle looked at him, mouth agape. "I never thought of going so far
away."
"It
would help you at this point in your life. Then you could always come back to
me when you'd gotten over Carstairs."
Cle's
eyes flashed to his face, pain like lava flowing through her veins.
Jaime
touched her cheek with one finger. "Yes, you'll get over him, little
Cleora, then you and I will work together again. That's the way it should be.
Not this way, you wasting away, pining like one of those old time heroines. He
isn't worth it. You don't fit in his life and you don't want to. This is the
life for you. Am I right?"
"I'll...
I'll think about it, Jaime. I'll tell you tomorrow what I've decided."
Jaime
had frowned but then shrugged.
All
the way home Cle prayed that Dev would call. She had never imagined that being
parted from him could cause this much pain. She felt as though someone had
amputated her arms without anesthesia. The blood dripped from her body and
there was no staunching the wounds. She had to have a phone call from him to
save her life.
She
paced the apartment the whole evening, waiting for the phone to ring just as
she had on all the other evenings since Dev's departure. Only tonight the
feeling of loss was more intense. Tonight she would make the decision to stay
or leave him forever.
At
dawn she was lying staring at the ceiling. Dev was so angry when he left. He hadn't
tried to make it up. She felt certain he was through with her. Pain had turned
into numbness. She had to get out of his apartment. She would leave a note for
Mrs. Hubbard telling her that she would be leaving for a while. By the time
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