Travelling Light by Tove Jansson Page B

and spaghetti! Always red wine and spaghetti! So you’ve finally come back. How many years has it been – no, we won’t count them. Anyway, now you’re here. And all those cards I wrote, and you just disappeared; the great artist vanishes into a great silence. That’s life!”
    “But I did write to you,” Stella put in. “For a long time. But when I heard nothing from you…”
    “Stella, dear, don’t worry about it, don’t even think about it, let’s just forget it. Now you’re here again. What do you think of my little lair? Small and unpretentious, but pleasant, don’t you think? Lots of atmosphere.”
    “Very nice. Such nice furniture.” Stella closed her eyes and tried to remember the studio the way it had been – workbench here, easel there, lots of wooden boxes… And a bare window overlooking the courtyard.
    “Are you maybe a bit tired?” said Wanda. “You look exhausted. Around the eyes. Now you can rest a little and take it easy after the big wide world.”
    Stella said, “I was just trying to remember the studio. We were so happy here. Imagine, seven years of our youth! Wanda, how long do you think we get to be young?”
    Wanda answered quite sharply, “You were young for too long. Starry-Eyes. Yes, that’s what we called you, Starry-Eyes. Nice, isn’t it? So naive, you believed everything anyone told you. Everything.”
    Stella stood up and went to the window. She pulled the drapes aside and looked out over the grey, very ordinary, still fascinating courtyard with all its windows and remembered: I stood here with Sebastian. We looked out beyond the roofs, out over the harbour, out over the sea, out over the whole world that we were going to own, battle our way through and conquer. This very window! She turned to face Wanda. “You said I believed whatever people told me. But there was so much to believe in, wasn’t there? And it was well worth it, don’t you think?”
    Dusk was falling and Wanda switched on the lights behind their silk shades. She said, “You had fun in this room, didn’t you? You had fun for seven years, right up to the last party, my farewell party. Do you remember?”
    “Do I remember! Great speeches, we were so profound! It was June, I think, with the sun coming up at two in the morning. And I stood on the table and shouted, ‘Skoal to the sun!’ And there was a Russian sitting under the table singing. Where did he come from?”
    “The Russian? I think he was one of those people we always included because we felt sorry for them. And there were a lot of those, way too many! But I always let them come. ‘Bring them along,’ I’d say. ‘The more the merrier.’ That’s my principle. If you’re having a party, then do it in style! We got twenty-two people in here, twenty-two. I counted. One of the best parties I’ve ever given for my friends.”
    “What do you mean?” Stella said. “It was my party!”
    “Yes, yes, of course, if you like. I gave a farewell party for you, so of course, in a sense, it was your party. Then off you went on the morning train.”
    Yes, the morning train, Stella thought. Sebastian came with me to the train. A lovely summer morning… He promised he’d follow as soon as he’d sorted out his travel grant, as soon as I’d found us a studio, or a room, or a cheap hotel, anywhere we could work… He hardly ever had a fixed address, so I was to send the address to Wanda… Bye-bye, darling, take care of yourself! And the train whistled and rushed out into the world.
    “Now, don’t go upsetting yourself about my party, Stella. Though surely you haven’t forgotten that I was the one who lived here. This was my home. Be honest, it was my place, wasn’t it? Of course it was.” Wanda laid her hand over Stella’s and went on in a friendly voice. “Memory plays funny tricks. But don’t worry about it; it’s totally natural. You’re every bit as welcome now as you were then. You were such a great help; you helped in so many ways,