dated decided to fake his own
kidnapping to get away from me. He got his buddies to dress up like
ninjas and abduct him. I didn’t care so much, I was only a week
away from dumping him anyway. If he expected me to call the police
about his kidnapping, he was sorely mistaken. At least, I hoped it was his buddies, perhaps I
should have checked.
After that, I decided I was only going to date
sane guys. So my next boyfriend was an architect. You never hear
about architects doing stupid things on the news, right? Apparently
there is a first for everything. Seven weeks into our relationship
and the guy gets done for embezzlement. He had stolen over a
million dollars from his boss. The last I saw of him was on the
news. To really rub it in, the police seized every gift he had
given me because it was paid for with stolen funds. I had nothing
to show for my seven weeks – literally.
I vowed off men for a while then. I thought
perhaps women would be better, that it was the entire male species
that was my downfall. I was wrong about that too. The only woman I
dated thought it would be a good idea to tattoo her sleeping friend
as a prank. It would have been funny if the tattoo wasn’t on their
face while they were passed out drunk. I was afraid to sleep for
weeks after that.
What happened with Ryan shouldn’t really have
surprised me. By now, at twenty-nine years old, I should expect the
hurt that comes with relationships. I guess I just thought Ryan was
different. It had taken him almost a full year to reveal his inner
crazy. That was a record for me.
“ Cressly. You’re up,” the female
officer barked at me. I stood, not having any idea of what ‘you’re
up’ meant. Were they moving me to a permanent cell? Was I going to
court? They could have been taking me to the guillotine and I would
have gone along.
I was led out of the cell and into a small
interview room. It was just like I’d seen on television. One wall
had a mirror, which I knew was actually a window. They couldn’t
fool me.
I sat across from the police officers – now
two of them. The woman was middle aged, probably about forty. She
appeared to be the more senior of the two. The other was a guy, I
guess about mid-thirty. He was ruggedly handsome, the kind of guy
that liked mountain climbing and skiing. Definitely not the kind of
guy that robbed banks.
“ I’m Sergeant Alexia Stone, this
is Constable Lucas Heron. For the record, have you been read your
rights?” The woman cop said, she didn’t appear to be the joking
type.
“ I think so,” I replied. I
remembered something about rights. “This is really just a mistake.
I didn’t rob that bank.”
“ Our security cameras and
eyewitnesses say otherwise. You want to tell me what
happened?”
I nodded. My God did I want to tell them what
happened. I wasn’t going to take the fall for my stupid boyfriend.
“I went to the bank with my boyfriend. I’m waiting there while he
fills in the slip and then suddenly he thrusts a gun in my hands
and tells me we’re robbing the place. I had no idea what was going
on.”
“ So you had no idea you were there
to rob a bank?” Constable Heron asked as he took down notes. I
hoped he wasn’t writing what a loser I was.
“ None at all. I swear, all he told
me was that he needed to go to the bank. I had no idea what he was
planning.”
They seemed to be thinking it over for an
interminably long amount of time. I wanted to scream with the
absurdity of it all.
Finally, Sergeant Stone spoke. “How long have
known Mr. Barnett?”
“ About a year.”
“ And he’s never done anything like
this before?”
“ Never.” Which was technically a
lie. I knew Ryan stole a car once, but that was a bit different
from the contents of an entire bank. “I didn’t even know he needed
money that badly.”
“ Your licenses have the same
address. You live with Mr. Barnett?” I nodded and she leaned
forward. “Do you really expect me to believe you live with a
kidnapping to get away from me. He got his buddies to dress up like
ninjas and abduct him. I didn’t care so much, I was only a week
away from dumping him anyway. If he expected me to call the police
about his kidnapping, he was sorely mistaken. At least, I hoped it was his buddies, perhaps I
should have checked.
After that, I decided I was only going to date
sane guys. So my next boyfriend was an architect. You never hear
about architects doing stupid things on the news, right? Apparently
there is a first for everything. Seven weeks into our relationship
and the guy gets done for embezzlement. He had stolen over a
million dollars from his boss. The last I saw of him was on the
news. To really rub it in, the police seized every gift he had
given me because it was paid for with stolen funds. I had nothing
to show for my seven weeks – literally.
I vowed off men for a while then. I thought
perhaps women would be better, that it was the entire male species
that was my downfall. I was wrong about that too. The only woman I
dated thought it would be a good idea to tattoo her sleeping friend
as a prank. It would have been funny if the tattoo wasn’t on their
face while they were passed out drunk. I was afraid to sleep for
weeks after that.
What happened with Ryan shouldn’t really have
surprised me. By now, at twenty-nine years old, I should expect the
hurt that comes with relationships. I guess I just thought Ryan was
different. It had taken him almost a full year to reveal his inner
crazy. That was a record for me.
“ Cressly. You’re up,” the female
officer barked at me. I stood, not having any idea of what ‘you’re
up’ meant. Were they moving me to a permanent cell? Was I going to
court? They could have been taking me to the guillotine and I would
have gone along.
I was led out of the cell and into a small
interview room. It was just like I’d seen on television. One wall
had a mirror, which I knew was actually a window. They couldn’t
fool me.
I sat across from the police officers – now
two of them. The woman was middle aged, probably about forty. She
appeared to be the more senior of the two. The other was a guy, I
guess about mid-thirty. He was ruggedly handsome, the kind of guy
that liked mountain climbing and skiing. Definitely not the kind of
guy that robbed banks.
“ I’m Sergeant Alexia Stone, this
is Constable Lucas Heron. For the record, have you been read your
rights?” The woman cop said, she didn’t appear to be the joking
type.
“ I think so,” I replied. I
remembered something about rights. “This is really just a mistake.
I didn’t rob that bank.”
“ Our security cameras and
eyewitnesses say otherwise. You want to tell me what
happened?”
I nodded. My God did I want to tell them what
happened. I wasn’t going to take the fall for my stupid boyfriend.
“I went to the bank with my boyfriend. I’m waiting there while he
fills in the slip and then suddenly he thrusts a gun in my hands
and tells me we’re robbing the place. I had no idea what was going
on.”
“ So you had no idea you were there
to rob a bank?” Constable Heron asked as he took down notes. I
hoped he wasn’t writing what a loser I was.
“ None at all. I swear, all he told
me was that he needed to go to the bank. I had no idea what he was
planning.”
They seemed to be thinking it over for an
interminably long amount of time. I wanted to scream with the
absurdity of it all.
Finally, Sergeant Stone spoke. “How long have
known Mr. Barnett?”
“ About a year.”
“ And he’s never done anything like
this before?”
“ Never.” Which was technically a
lie. I knew Ryan stole a car once, but that was a bit different
from the contents of an entire bank. “I didn’t even know he needed
money that badly.”
“ Your licenses have the same
address. You live with Mr. Barnett?” I nodded and she leaned
forward. “Do you really expect me to believe you live with a
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