though they’re always squabbling about who’s the best kind of Baptist or even Ethel’s Church of Christ with their weird thinking. Do you know that her very own pastor held a special prayer meeting for her, and there’s talk around town of trying to buy her an exorcism? Nobody’s sure if there’s a Christian way to do that sort of thing or if it’s just for Catholics and witches, but they’re checking into it.”
I didn’t say anything because frankly I was still processing the exorcism criteria. And then Lucille opened the refrigerator and nabbed a bottle of water, something I had never in my entire life seen her do before. She twisted off the top, took a long swig and kept talking. “I was glad for the help from the AAC people at first, thinking they were good Christians and all, but now I think it’s just some kind of cult. They’re all real secretive and peculiar acting. I wouldn’t be surprised to find out they’re all on mind control drugs. They’re a weird bunch. And that’s another thing, Ethel Fossy has to be blind as a bat and dumb as a doorknob, because if she’d been paying any attention at all she would have realized that those men darned sure brought their own women with them in that van. Girls, really, about your age, following those old men around like sheep, why I’ve never seen such a thing. I suppose they’re hopped up on drugs or maybe hypnosis. They brought in a van full of kids too, but they were just a bunch of dopers that would holler and protest about anything. I sure couldn’t make any sense out of them, but the reporters seemed real impressed so I didn’t fuss.”
Resisting all my natural urges to sigh, rub my face and bang my head against the wall, I said, “Okay, so the main players are Tiger, the leader, and Bobcat the second in command, both old hippie types, and some forty-ish women. Two women?”
Lucille nodded. “The snooty dark-haired one is Iris. Always wears black like Cat Woman and acts like she’s the Queen of Sheba. I was trying to be friendly and make conversation with her, and she just looked down her nose at me like she’d just as soon shoot me as not, and then she walked right off without saying a single word. I’ve never seen somebody so rude in all my life. Hateful hussy. She marched herself right over to Tiger and started talking about me. I know she did because I saw her lips move just a little bit, like a ventriloquist. Merline and Agnes thought she was probably just talking dirty to him or making plans for later. They think she looks like one of those dominator women who carries around handcuffs and such in her purse. I never did see her with a purse myself so I couldn’t say, but it wouldn’t surprise me any.”
You’d think at this point I’d be somewhat accustomed to this sort of thing from my mother, but I am not. The best I can do is reel my brain past the deeply disturbing conjecture and cast about in a new pond for some glimmer of a pertinent fact. “What about the other woman? Tell me about her.”
“Lily. She’s younger than stuck-up Iris, probably in her thirties, although it’s hard to tell with how she carries on. Blabbers all the time about nothing, flitting around in her long hippie skirts and sandals, playing with her braids like she’s a schoolgirl. They’re all real strange, I’ll tell you that.”
Yes, well, strange was relative. And while there may have been some bits of relevant information in Mother Dearest’s ramblings, but I did not have the wherewithal to ferret them out at the moment. I pushed away from the edge of the door and said, “Okay, here’s where we are. I’m going to the current crime scene for a first person view of the festivities, and you are going to spend your time in solitary confinement, figuring out how to get yourself out of this mess.”
“There is no mess, Jolene. I haven’t done anything wrong. And even if I have, er, had, whatever, well, you’re not in charge of me. I’m
I didn’t say anything because frankly I was still processing the exorcism criteria. And then Lucille opened the refrigerator and nabbed a bottle of water, something I had never in my entire life seen her do before. She twisted off the top, took a long swig and kept talking. “I was glad for the help from the AAC people at first, thinking they were good Christians and all, but now I think it’s just some kind of cult. They’re all real secretive and peculiar acting. I wouldn’t be surprised to find out they’re all on mind control drugs. They’re a weird bunch. And that’s another thing, Ethel Fossy has to be blind as a bat and dumb as a doorknob, because if she’d been paying any attention at all she would have realized that those men darned sure brought their own women with them in that van. Girls, really, about your age, following those old men around like sheep, why I’ve never seen such a thing. I suppose they’re hopped up on drugs or maybe hypnosis. They brought in a van full of kids too, but they were just a bunch of dopers that would holler and protest about anything. I sure couldn’t make any sense out of them, but the reporters seemed real impressed so I didn’t fuss.”
Resisting all my natural urges to sigh, rub my face and bang my head against the wall, I said, “Okay, so the main players are Tiger, the leader, and Bobcat the second in command, both old hippie types, and some forty-ish women. Two women?”
Lucille nodded. “The snooty dark-haired one is Iris. Always wears black like Cat Woman and acts like she’s the Queen of Sheba. I was trying to be friendly and make conversation with her, and she just looked down her nose at me like she’d just as soon shoot me as not, and then she walked right off without saying a single word. I’ve never seen somebody so rude in all my life. Hateful hussy. She marched herself right over to Tiger and started talking about me. I know she did because I saw her lips move just a little bit, like a ventriloquist. Merline and Agnes thought she was probably just talking dirty to him or making plans for later. They think she looks like one of those dominator women who carries around handcuffs and such in her purse. I never did see her with a purse myself so I couldn’t say, but it wouldn’t surprise me any.”
You’d think at this point I’d be somewhat accustomed to this sort of thing from my mother, but I am not. The best I can do is reel my brain past the deeply disturbing conjecture and cast about in a new pond for some glimmer of a pertinent fact. “What about the other woman? Tell me about her.”
“Lily. She’s younger than stuck-up Iris, probably in her thirties, although it’s hard to tell with how she carries on. Blabbers all the time about nothing, flitting around in her long hippie skirts and sandals, playing with her braids like she’s a schoolgirl. They’re all real strange, I’ll tell you that.”
Yes, well, strange was relative. And while there may have been some bits of relevant information in Mother Dearest’s ramblings, but I did not have the wherewithal to ferret them out at the moment. I pushed away from the edge of the door and said, “Okay, here’s where we are. I’m going to the current crime scene for a first person view of the festivities, and you are going to spend your time in solitary confinement, figuring out how to get yourself out of this mess.”
“There is no mess, Jolene. I haven’t done anything wrong. And even if I have, er, had, whatever, well, you’re not in charge of me. I’m
Similar Books
