Uncle John’s Unsinkable Bathroom Reader by Bathroom Readers’ Institute Page A
Authors: Bathroom Readers’ Institute
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wasn’t caught.)
• Keith Miller , 51, was arrested at Sydney Airport in Australia in 2004. He was a rare-animal smuggler, and had 23 birds’ eggs in his underwear. Miller was later sentenced to two years in prison.
• Giraldo Wong of Hialeah, Florida, was arrested in 2005 at Miami International Airport. He was also a rare-animal smuggler, and had two live Cuban songbirds in his underwear.
• Workers at Junior’s Restaurant in Brooklyn called 911 in June 2008 to report the theft of 15 lobster tails from their walk-in freezer. Police found them in the cook’s pants.
• A man in Michigan should have listened to his mother when she said, “Don’t run with sharp things in your hands! Or in your pants!” The man went to a Meijer superstore in Grand Rapids and stuffed about $300 worth of hunting knives in his pants. When security tried to stop him a scuffle broke out, and the man fell and stabbed himself. He was treated at a local hospital…and then arrested.
• Police in Sweetwater , Tennessee, pulled into a church parking lot in the middle of the night in early 2008 after getting a report of a suspicious car there. A woman walked out from behind the church, saying she’d been going to the bathroom. Then a crowbar fell out of her pants. She was arrested for possession of burglary tools.
• Ignacio Gueta , 22, was booked into the Santa Clara County Jail in California in June 2008 for violating parole. A search of Gueta found a 4'2" machete in his pants. Gueta said he had it “for protection.”
All hornets are wasps; not all wasps are hornets.
MEDICAL MIRACLES
Do you believe in miracles? These folks do .
D O THE WALK OF LIFE
Eugene Stolowski, 33, and five other firefighters were searching for people trapped in a burning apartment building in the Bronx, New York, in January 2005 when the room they were in became engulfed in flames. The only way out was the window—and they were on the fourth floor. They all jumped. Tragically, two were killed on impact; three others survived with various injuries. But Stolowski suffered a freak injury: His spine became detached from his skull in what doctors called an “internal decapitation.” The only thing holding his head to his spine was the spinal cord—which is jellylike in consistency—so the slightest movement of his head could have paralyzed or even killed him. Doctors gave him a 5% chance of surviving emergency surgery. He beat those odds. After the first two weeks, during which he underwent nine surgeries, he was given a 30% chance of survival. He beat those odds, too, and four months later sat in a wheelchair next to his wife as she gave birth to their twin daughters. Nine months later he slowly shuffled—on his feet and without assistance—out the hospital door. And in November 2007, Stolowski went back to work for the New York City Fire Department—not as a firefighter, but back on the force—and can walk just fine today.
Extra heroics: Of the three others who jumped and survived, Jeff Cool and Joey DiBernardo Jr. both retired. The third, Brendan Cawley, was just a month into the job when he had to jump that day…except that he didn’t actually jump—Stolowski threw him out the window to save his life, then jumped himself. After his recovery, Cawley was able to return to full duty as a firefighter.
There are 16 pyramids in Greece. Some are older than the pyramids in Egypt.
MY BIRTHDAY IS IN FEBRUARY…AND MAY
Macie Hope McCartney was born in February 2008. But then the doctors put her back in her mom’s womb…and she was born again on May 3, her official birthday. The explanation: A routine ultrasound during the sixth month of pregnancy revealed a tumor growing from the region of Macie’s tailbone. It was noncancerous,but it was huge—about as big as a grapefruit, which was larger than the baby herself at the time. And it was full of veins, so it was robbing the baby of her blood supply. Doctors decided the only thing to do was to operate,
• Keith Miller , 51, was arrested at Sydney Airport in Australia in 2004. He was a rare-animal smuggler, and had 23 birds’ eggs in his underwear. Miller was later sentenced to two years in prison.
• Giraldo Wong of Hialeah, Florida, was arrested in 2005 at Miami International Airport. He was also a rare-animal smuggler, and had two live Cuban songbirds in his underwear.
• Workers at Junior’s Restaurant in Brooklyn called 911 in June 2008 to report the theft of 15 lobster tails from their walk-in freezer. Police found them in the cook’s pants.
• A man in Michigan should have listened to his mother when she said, “Don’t run with sharp things in your hands! Or in your pants!” The man went to a Meijer superstore in Grand Rapids and stuffed about $300 worth of hunting knives in his pants. When security tried to stop him a scuffle broke out, and the man fell and stabbed himself. He was treated at a local hospital…and then arrested.
• Police in Sweetwater , Tennessee, pulled into a church parking lot in the middle of the night in early 2008 after getting a report of a suspicious car there. A woman walked out from behind the church, saying she’d been going to the bathroom. Then a crowbar fell out of her pants. She was arrested for possession of burglary tools.
• Ignacio Gueta , 22, was booked into the Santa Clara County Jail in California in June 2008 for violating parole. A search of Gueta found a 4'2" machete in his pants. Gueta said he had it “for protection.”
All hornets are wasps; not all wasps are hornets.
MEDICAL MIRACLES
Do you believe in miracles? These folks do .
D O THE WALK OF LIFE
Eugene Stolowski, 33, and five other firefighters were searching for people trapped in a burning apartment building in the Bronx, New York, in January 2005 when the room they were in became engulfed in flames. The only way out was the window—and they were on the fourth floor. They all jumped. Tragically, two were killed on impact; three others survived with various injuries. But Stolowski suffered a freak injury: His spine became detached from his skull in what doctors called an “internal decapitation.” The only thing holding his head to his spine was the spinal cord—which is jellylike in consistency—so the slightest movement of his head could have paralyzed or even killed him. Doctors gave him a 5% chance of surviving emergency surgery. He beat those odds. After the first two weeks, during which he underwent nine surgeries, he was given a 30% chance of survival. He beat those odds, too, and four months later sat in a wheelchair next to his wife as she gave birth to their twin daughters. Nine months later he slowly shuffled—on his feet and without assistance—out the hospital door. And in November 2007, Stolowski went back to work for the New York City Fire Department—not as a firefighter, but back on the force—and can walk just fine today.
Extra heroics: Of the three others who jumped and survived, Jeff Cool and Joey DiBernardo Jr. both retired. The third, Brendan Cawley, was just a month into the job when he had to jump that day…except that he didn’t actually jump—Stolowski threw him out the window to save his life, then jumped himself. After his recovery, Cawley was able to return to full duty as a firefighter.
There are 16 pyramids in Greece. Some are older than the pyramids in Egypt.
MY BIRTHDAY IS IN FEBRUARY…AND MAY
Macie Hope McCartney was born in February 2008. But then the doctors put her back in her mom’s womb…and she was born again on May 3, her official birthday. The explanation: A routine ultrasound during the sixth month of pregnancy revealed a tumor growing from the region of Macie’s tailbone. It was noncancerous,but it was huge—about as big as a grapefruit, which was larger than the baby herself at the time. And it was full of veins, so it was robbing the baby of her blood supply. Doctors decided the only thing to do was to operate,