loathed. I poured a nice hot freshly brewed cup of coffee, mixing it with just the right amount of sugar and cream before easing slowly into a seat at the table to enjoy it.
My pussy was so sore that not even a hot bath would calm the throbbing. I needed time to heal but I knew Brian would be calling soon, not allowing that to happen. The turmoil that my life had become played in my mind like a bad unforgettable movie. Sometimes I wished I had a fairy Godmother to wave her illustrious magic wand and make everything okay. My chest rose and fell rapidly, as my mouth erupted a sea of wails. The tears dripping from my eyelashes fell, making a nice addition to my coffee. I had to fix my life and fast. Thing was, I had no idea how I would do it especially with Chino and I at war.
I took out my phone and searched the Internet for someone to talk to. Typing into Google, very general keywords to keep my results as broad as possible. The only thing I was looking for was a sign, any sign that who I found was worthy enough to take on a task as fucked up as me. I didn't need any quitters. I had almost given up on myself, so whomever I chose would have to be much stronger than I.
Chino was not right about everything, but he was right about one thing. I needed help dealing with the death of our daughter. I needed help coping with the fact that I lost the one person in the world, who would love me unconditionally regardless of my mistakes or flaws. I lost the one person that made my heart sing, who came from my womb and belonged to me. My finger scrolled down a list of professionals that I found, who could quite possibly provide their expertise to get me my life back. She caught my eye because of the motto written underneath her website address.
If I can’t fix it, it can’t be fixed.
Apart of me wanted to believe her. Chino was thinking about divorce right along with me, that much was certain. However, the only difference between he and I was that I was trying to fall out of love with him in the same breath. He, on the other hand, was obviously still very much in love with me. He couldn't deny it even if he tried and he was willing to do any and everything to save our marriage. The problem was that, I did not know if I had what it took to join him in the restoration of our union. I did not know if we should keep putting ourselves through the misery of having to deal with each other’s bullshit. Or, call this what it was and let it be.
Chapter 6
Chino
The early morning corner Planet Fitness gym parking lot was hollow. It had a lot to do with the Evergreen Plaza Mall being in the middle. Usually if the mall was closed so was everything around it so people avoided it at all cost until around midday. Fog floated by so thick, that I thought I was in an old Jason horror movie waiting to be killed. The suspense of it heightened my anxiety nearly sending me into a paranoid frenzy. It was either that or the nerves of the reason why I was here in the first place.
I still couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that my wife did not want me. Her reasoning for it was not honorable either. But, she was adamant about it and nothing I did was good enough to be able to change her mind. Divorce was not something that my soul was prepared to deal with. I sighed heavily every time I had to think about even holding those papers in my hands. It was all so surreal to me, like a dream that I couldn’t stir and wake myself up from. Though I had come to the conclusion that it was something that was about to be a very real thing. I exited my car with my bag in tow.
“Mario, what’s up bro? I’m not a member so how the hell am I getting in this joint?” I questioned as he picked up on the other end.
“Oh, my bad. I gotta say you’re my free plus one. I’m coming up to the entrance now,” Mario said before hanging up the phone.
He showed up at the entrance seconds later, shaking up with me as he held the glass door open to let me in
My pussy was so sore that not even a hot bath would calm the throbbing. I needed time to heal but I knew Brian would be calling soon, not allowing that to happen. The turmoil that my life had become played in my mind like a bad unforgettable movie. Sometimes I wished I had a fairy Godmother to wave her illustrious magic wand and make everything okay. My chest rose and fell rapidly, as my mouth erupted a sea of wails. The tears dripping from my eyelashes fell, making a nice addition to my coffee. I had to fix my life and fast. Thing was, I had no idea how I would do it especially with Chino and I at war.
I took out my phone and searched the Internet for someone to talk to. Typing into Google, very general keywords to keep my results as broad as possible. The only thing I was looking for was a sign, any sign that who I found was worthy enough to take on a task as fucked up as me. I didn't need any quitters. I had almost given up on myself, so whomever I chose would have to be much stronger than I.
Chino was not right about everything, but he was right about one thing. I needed help dealing with the death of our daughter. I needed help coping with the fact that I lost the one person in the world, who would love me unconditionally regardless of my mistakes or flaws. I lost the one person that made my heart sing, who came from my womb and belonged to me. My finger scrolled down a list of professionals that I found, who could quite possibly provide their expertise to get me my life back. She caught my eye because of the motto written underneath her website address.
If I can’t fix it, it can’t be fixed.
Apart of me wanted to believe her. Chino was thinking about divorce right along with me, that much was certain. However, the only difference between he and I was that I was trying to fall out of love with him in the same breath. He, on the other hand, was obviously still very much in love with me. He couldn't deny it even if he tried and he was willing to do any and everything to save our marriage. The problem was that, I did not know if I had what it took to join him in the restoration of our union. I did not know if we should keep putting ourselves through the misery of having to deal with each other’s bullshit. Or, call this what it was and let it be.
Chapter 6
Chino
The early morning corner Planet Fitness gym parking lot was hollow. It had a lot to do with the Evergreen Plaza Mall being in the middle. Usually if the mall was closed so was everything around it so people avoided it at all cost until around midday. Fog floated by so thick, that I thought I was in an old Jason horror movie waiting to be killed. The suspense of it heightened my anxiety nearly sending me into a paranoid frenzy. It was either that or the nerves of the reason why I was here in the first place.
I still couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that my wife did not want me. Her reasoning for it was not honorable either. But, she was adamant about it and nothing I did was good enough to be able to change her mind. Divorce was not something that my soul was prepared to deal with. I sighed heavily every time I had to think about even holding those papers in my hands. It was all so surreal to me, like a dream that I couldn’t stir and wake myself up from. Though I had come to the conclusion that it was something that was about to be a very real thing. I exited my car with my bag in tow.
“Mario, what’s up bro? I’m not a member so how the hell am I getting in this joint?” I questioned as he picked up on the other end.
“Oh, my bad. I gotta say you’re my free plus one. I’m coming up to the entrance now,” Mario said before hanging up the phone.
He showed up at the entrance seconds later, shaking up with me as he held the glass door open to let me in
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