and found a broom and dustpan. I cleaned up the glass and tossed it into the trashcan. Putting the broom back I decided to go watch TV while I waited for Connor.
I flipped through the channels for close to forty minutes before my eyes got heavy. As I started drifting off I thought I heard noises, but as in that halfway state of sleep I didn't think anything of it.
"Madison, sweetheart you awake?"
I slowly opened my eyes and was looking up into the deepest most sparkling green eyes.
"Connor, you're back. Are you ok?" I sat up, noticing his expression and suddenly feeling nervous.
"Yes. All taken care of. Are you?"
"Of course. I'm sorry, I just drifted for a moment." I gave him a small smile but that did not relieve the worried look on his face.
He continued to look at me, taking my eyes, face, body in. The more he stayed silent the more nervous I became.
"What's wrong Connor? Why are you looking like that?"
"I'm sorry, for whatever it was. I never meant to scare you or anything." His eyes still took me in, almost as if written somewhere on my skin there would be an answer.
My face must have conveyed the confused thoughts in my head because he continued.
"I went to reach for your bag, to set it down, I didn't want you to leave and you...you backed away...you flinched like...like I was going to hurt you. Madison, I would never. I'm sorry." His face was so deflated, like he was on the verge of tears. At his words I almost was as well. I closed my eyes and felt the color begin to drain from my face. I felt cold and hot all at the same time. My heart was breaking into a million pieces and I felt each and every one. It hurt so bad because he thought it was him.
"Connor, no you didn't do anything. I didn't flinch, I didn't mean to. Really." I knew that was a lie, the first in fact. The tone, the anger, the nearness, it was the sliver of a nightmare relived.
"Madison, I'm sorry." I saw the glassiness of his eyes and couldn't bear it.
"No, stop. You didn't do anything. Just stop apologizing." I had to remove myself from the situation. I got off the bed and walked out of the bedroom. I had to get away from his eyes, the look of hurt and near torture in them. I walked down the hallway and straight to the kitchen. I took a gulp of wine, not caring if it was my glass or his that had fallen.
I felt him standing there before I turned and saw him. I was under his gaze and it was no longer an admiring gaze. It was pity, and I couldn't deal.
"Please stop looking at me like that. I don't want to see your eyes like that. I can't see your eyes like that again." I took the last swallow before I turned to him. He was leaned casually against the wall that led from the sitting room to the kitchen. His face still showed concern or hurt but his eyes had cleared up.
"I'm sorry, I had to take care of that. I'm so sorry." His face didn't register pity, just sorrow, he was truly sorry, like he caused this. He held his hand out, reaching for mine and I gave it to him. "I just want to be near you right now at this moment." He gave a soft tug and pulled me in for a hug. His arms tightened around me and he took a few deep breaths. My arms wrapped around him just as tight. I longer felt fear or anxiety. It was the calmest and safest I had felt in years, right in this moment.
I convinced Connor that I was ok and that I should go, it was already half past ten and I still had the forty five minute drive home. Connor stood back while I put on my shoes and gathered my bag. His gaze seemed to follow everything I was doing. I could feel those sparkling eyes all over me. Somebody else might have made that feel cheap but Connor's gaze made me feel safe.
"Thank you for coming Madison. Again, I'm sorry it got all screwed up. Truly sorry." He stepped outside with me and began walking me to my car.
"Stop apologizing, all is well. I promise." I tried my best to put on a strong, happy face. I don't believe he was convinced. When we
I flipped through the channels for close to forty minutes before my eyes got heavy. As I started drifting off I thought I heard noises, but as in that halfway state of sleep I didn't think anything of it.
"Madison, sweetheart you awake?"
I slowly opened my eyes and was looking up into the deepest most sparkling green eyes.
"Connor, you're back. Are you ok?" I sat up, noticing his expression and suddenly feeling nervous.
"Yes. All taken care of. Are you?"
"Of course. I'm sorry, I just drifted for a moment." I gave him a small smile but that did not relieve the worried look on his face.
He continued to look at me, taking my eyes, face, body in. The more he stayed silent the more nervous I became.
"What's wrong Connor? Why are you looking like that?"
"I'm sorry, for whatever it was. I never meant to scare you or anything." His eyes still took me in, almost as if written somewhere on my skin there would be an answer.
My face must have conveyed the confused thoughts in my head because he continued.
"I went to reach for your bag, to set it down, I didn't want you to leave and you...you backed away...you flinched like...like I was going to hurt you. Madison, I would never. I'm sorry." His face was so deflated, like he was on the verge of tears. At his words I almost was as well. I closed my eyes and felt the color begin to drain from my face. I felt cold and hot all at the same time. My heart was breaking into a million pieces and I felt each and every one. It hurt so bad because he thought it was him.
"Connor, no you didn't do anything. I didn't flinch, I didn't mean to. Really." I knew that was a lie, the first in fact. The tone, the anger, the nearness, it was the sliver of a nightmare relived.
"Madison, I'm sorry." I saw the glassiness of his eyes and couldn't bear it.
"No, stop. You didn't do anything. Just stop apologizing." I had to remove myself from the situation. I got off the bed and walked out of the bedroom. I had to get away from his eyes, the look of hurt and near torture in them. I walked down the hallway and straight to the kitchen. I took a gulp of wine, not caring if it was my glass or his that had fallen.
I felt him standing there before I turned and saw him. I was under his gaze and it was no longer an admiring gaze. It was pity, and I couldn't deal.
"Please stop looking at me like that. I don't want to see your eyes like that. I can't see your eyes like that again." I took the last swallow before I turned to him. He was leaned casually against the wall that led from the sitting room to the kitchen. His face still showed concern or hurt but his eyes had cleared up.
"I'm sorry, I had to take care of that. I'm so sorry." His face didn't register pity, just sorrow, he was truly sorry, like he caused this. He held his hand out, reaching for mine and I gave it to him. "I just want to be near you right now at this moment." He gave a soft tug and pulled me in for a hug. His arms tightened around me and he took a few deep breaths. My arms wrapped around him just as tight. I longer felt fear or anxiety. It was the calmest and safest I had felt in years, right in this moment.
I convinced Connor that I was ok and that I should go, it was already half past ten and I still had the forty five minute drive home. Connor stood back while I put on my shoes and gathered my bag. His gaze seemed to follow everything I was doing. I could feel those sparkling eyes all over me. Somebody else might have made that feel cheap but Connor's gaze made me feel safe.
"Thank you for coming Madison. Again, I'm sorry it got all screwed up. Truly sorry." He stepped outside with me and began walking me to my car.
"Stop apologizing, all is well. I promise." I tried my best to put on a strong, happy face. I don't believe he was convinced. When we
Similar Books
